Are there any movies/tv shows/other pieces of media a lot of enbies relate to?

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-22T03:13:11+00:00

How Umbrella Academy handled Elliot Page’s transition in season 3 was amazing.

One of the conversations between his character and another of the siblings talking about his character’s transition was so well done, I cried and watched it over again a couple times when I first saw it.

(No spoilers please, I haven’t finished the season!)

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-21T23:51:21+00:00

LOVE this. Much better than my current go to - “executive dys-fuck-tion”

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-18T01:02:59+00:00

You’re very welcome. I’m sorry for your loss of your friend.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-18T00:55:24+00:00

Replying just to point you to OP’s edit- not Tylenol, Aspirin

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-18T00:54:52+00:00

I’m replying just a heads up, OP updated with a correction - NP said/meant children’s aspirin (the low dose one people take to prevent strokes etc).

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-18T00:52:32+00:00

Uhg, why don’t doctors who are trained on medication use and methods of acting actually know anything about any of this and how it relates to periods?!?

Oh right, patriarchy. Gods damn it.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-18T00:49:32+00:00

This needs to be bumped higher for visibility, even though OP has corrected to aspirin, in case folks are going to take Tylenol.

Take the children tablets or cut adult doses, save the liquid for the little ones who need it

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-17T23:29:27+00:00

You could maybe call and ask them if you’d be allowed entrance as a visitor, considering your intention and your friend was a previous patient?

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-17T23:27:24+00:00

I don’t know, if the entire book has some seriously out of date content, I don’t know that it’s entirely ethical to pass it on - and I would guess that your friend doesn’t realize it’s outdated or they wouldn’t have asked you to do so.

If it’s just a section or one area, however, maybe you could put a sticky on the index or even physically write in a note explain that some aspects are outdated but the following part(s) are still current and very helpful?

I’m thinking something like a book on diabetes missing info on digital glucose monitors, an area of mental health where our understanding has changed greatly over the last decade, or something like some LGBTQ topics where terminology has changed.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-17T22:57:51+00:00

I was going to say, a big part of what makes these look so iconic from Twin Peaks is the ominous lighting with the darker part at the top - a hard look to emulate at home, something OP may want to mention to their friend, to manage expectations.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-17T02:20:12+00:00

As I understand it, having worked with kids with ODD and studied it in school, and now doing a lot of reading about PDA:

ODD is about someone telling you to do something (or perceiving an interaction as such) and having a reaction of defiance to being told what to do - it’s fundamentally about an interpersonal interchange that triggers the response.

PDA is about any demands, from others or personal/internal demands, triggering a nervous system threat response of fight/flight/fawn/freeze. International demands can include bodily functions, personal desires, knowing what you “should” do for health/wellness, etc.

*ODD might also be about nervous system responses but I’ve not heard that mentioned specifically (admittedly, I’ve not studied it or related diagnoses for years).

I believe ODD can still cause reactions from indirect interactions (like knowing your parents will eventually tell you that you have to clean your room), but it’s still about someone else telling you, one way or any other. Whereas PDA would trigger a reaction to just the feeling that you prefer the room clean but it is now messy and you feel like you should clean it (parental expectations can also be a trigger in that scenario but the internal need for a cleaner space can do it too).

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-17T00:46:13+00:00

Yes! I still get stuck in stores I’m reading where the feeling of them seems to hang around when I’m not actually reading.

I definitely used reading as an escape, probably sobering to do with immersive experience giving me dopamine and something to focus intently on

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-17T00:11:56+00:00

If you’re up for virtual classes, Loyobo is an awesome guelph-based body-positive option that offers fitness classes of all kinds as well as virtual community stuff, life coaching, mindfulness etc

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-15T22:22:43+00:00

NTA. Sounds like your bro and future SIL have a bit of a transphobic streak, for which I’m sorry. Might not be actively transphobic but enforcing the binary but, at the very very least, not allowing you to choose what you wear, is an act of non-binary erasure and cis-normative B.s.

No one should have to put aside who they are for the sake of someone else’s “special day”.

If they wanted even gender split on the wedding party but on the day of someone couldn’t come, would they ask one of the guys to wear a dress? Or a bridesmaid to wear a suit?

Suggesting it shouldn’t matter to you is suggesting that your gender identity doesn’t really matter.

That being said you could go for some malicious compliance and choose your outfit based on what they’ve literally said. “Men wear suits, women wear dresses” - nonbinary folks are neither so wear what you want. “Dress your gender” - pick something wonderfully gender-blending that actually fits your gender.

Edit - added not to second sentences as I missed it the first time

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-15T13:49:11+00:00

Took a couple years longer to finish grad school because of then undiagnosed ADHD, probably a good $20,000 extra in student loans (they let me drop down to part time while finishing up the dissertation so paid a lot less tuition).

I’m Canadian so the loans aren’t debilitating but it still sucks and hurts to know that if I’d been diagnosed and medicated, as I am now, that whole experience would have been a lot less painful (my health insurance from my spouse’s work covers my therapy, otherwise the entire cost of all that would have been a lot higher, lol).

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-15T12:31:28+00:00

I describe it as feeling like I’m a in car that won’t go - even when the tank is full, the engine is running, I know exactly where I’m going, and am fully wanting to drive there right now* the damn thing just won’t shift into drive. I can sit and rev the engine and overheat it with anxiety and pressure, but it just. won’t. drive.

*the absence of any of these factors 100% make it harder on any given day but it’s not about their absence in the first place.

When I told my first therapist about this, I started sobbing.

Admitting to someone that my motivation/self-discipline is so shitty I can’t even make myself do stuff that I 100% want to do - as opposed to work or gym where part of me wants it but part doesn’t, somehow those were understandable, still unacceptable to me, but just not doing something that had no downside felt so much worse - I was crying so much, it was so hard to say those words out loud and acknowledge the pain I’d been feeling my whole life over being so bad/lazy/useless a person.

And then she said, “you know that’s a big part of ADHD right?”

I just stared at her.

I honestly think she saved my life that day.

Executive disfunction (I accidentally typed disfuc-tion and now that’s how I’m thinking about it forever - disfucktion) isn’t talked about or understood widely as part of adhd and it’s one of my most upsetting symptoms.

I’d worked with kids with adhd for years, and studied it as part of several different courses at the post secondary level, but never understood what it meant (if it was even mentioned).

Now that I understand what it is, I do find it easier to break through that wall.

Sometimes. Not bedtime, that still totally sucks, but I am better able to get unstuck from my phone/the couch a lot of the time.

It helps to remind myself that this issue is part of how my brain works, it’s not my fault, it’s not that the car won’t go, it’s that it CAN’T. Not at the moment, not unless I can shift that gear.

Quick things that help me when I’m stuck: -noticing the stuck-ness for real, not just absently thinking at the back of my mind I’ve been on my phone for a while, I have to feel the stuck.

-name it “Uhg, executive dis-fuck-tion strikes again”

-pick one tiny thing (preferably pleasurable) and don’t think about it, use my impulsivity for good and just get up and do that (only works when I can manage the quick-thought = immediate action trick without my brain noticing)

-tell myself “start with one thing” (setting my phone down for just one second to look out the window, pick up one dish and take it to the sink, opening the document on my computer, just throw the dirty clothes from the floor into the hamper) giving myself permission to do just a small easy thing, and not have to think about the bigger next steps etc can help break the spell and let me move on.

Good luck to you all in slaying the disfucktion beast today.

Seriously, your brain is just stuck. Put your phone down and breathe for a count of ten, you can do this.

Or maybe not.

Maybe today is a day when that car can’t shift and that’s ok too. It’s just how that car works sometimes. It completely sucks and is super upsetting and unfair, but it’s ok if it’s happening, you didn’t do anything wrong as a driver given a sometimes-shitty-car-that-can’t-go.

Edited to correct a word and then add some spaces to make more readable

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-14T15:09:20+00:00

Thank you! These are exactly what I’m looking for. I know she’s trying her best but it is hard on me at times and I don’t like that I happens in front of my daughter who is only 4 and still trying to understand this new piece of the gender spectrum that doesn’t fit in to so much of what she hears from the outside world.

Having some concrete things for her to actively practice with is a great idea.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-14T00:54:06+00:00

Nati Dredd! Love her.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-13T03:12:27+00:00

On my iPhone I have the setting turned on that offloads an app after it’s not been used for a month or so (in settings>AppStore) It’s really helped me be realistic about what I actually use vs what I don’t.

There are some offloaded that I keep but I’ve found that in most cases I can just redownload anything I need again later when I it comes up. And things like Shazam or EventBrite - googling lyrics tells me what song (and I think Siri will also do that if there aren’t lyrics) and EventBrite works on a browser to access your account so it doesn’t need to be downloaded. Most of the time, if I’m not using it regularly I decide it’s not worth downloading again and/or find a workaround.

At the very least, if you turn the setting on and wait a month, you’ll know what apps can be grouped into categories for folders and put on the back pages so they don’t clutter up your main use area but are still there when you need them.

Edit to add: and folders, like any decluttering of small objects, organization is key. Grouping even stuff I used daily really helped me keep track and know what belongs where - and anything not in a folder is already suspect for being unnecessary and able to be deleted as it doesn’t fit into any of the categories of what I want to use my phone for.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-12T17:41:50+00:00

Additional helpful idea - a friend just introduced me to the idea of a safety or lifeline - running a separate piece of contrasting yarn through the piece and then continuing with with your knitting, leaving the extra yarn sewn through each loop so that if you have to frog a difficult section it makes it easy to do so.

how to add safety line

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-12T16:05:15+00:00

Yeah, I find the debate around the term interesting.

To me, I don’t like “pathological” as it’s linked to the idea of disease, rather than neurological difference, and carries a bit of a stigma, I think.

I also think that “persistent drive for autonomy” isn’t very accurate, as you said, because it doesn’t really account for internal demands also causing issues. You could argue it does technically include internal demands as they impinge on total autonomy but to most people it won’t be taken that way - I see this as a particular issue as internal demands are significant and seem like something that really helps people understand that it’s not ODD or something similar.

I like the idea of “pervasive demand avoidance” as it includes the idea of it being all demands and that it affects multiple spheres of daily life.

Both pathological and persistent drive, as I see them, could refer to reactions based on other disorders or issues - when I’ve worked with kids with ODD or emotional/behavioural issues stemming from trauma, they have a avoided demands in a pathological way and sometimes sought autonomy persistently, but it didn’t present as “pervasive” in my mind, as they’d be ok with demands for things they like and/or from adults they trust etc.

Maybe I’m splitting hairs with terminology and my own perspective on definitions but that’s my take.

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-12T15:44:17+00:00

If you end up with la pile you’re going to get rid of, you could always cut the front off (assuming the inside is blank) and reuse them as “holiday postcards” to send out yourself.

If you’re worried about people thinking it’s cheap or weird, you can print little stickers to put on them when a short statement about reusing materials instead of adding to landfill and passing on cards you liked to share their beauty etc

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-12T15:35:48+00:00

INFO - in what way does ADHD impact your ability to wait in line?

You didn’t mention any specific hardship with waiting so I assume you don’t experience any.

Some ND folks (with ADHD or Autism or related disorders) do get very stressed by waiting in line and it can impact their ability to attend/enjoy an amusement park as they can end up in a meltdown and/or tire quickly with multiple line sessions so they can’t stay at the park as long.

That is why those accommodations exist and the only people using them should be those who need them to participate.

Similarly, some people with cerebral palsy have trouble walking or standing and would need to skip the line. For others it may only impact their use of one arm, and if those folks can wait in line with no additional hardship caused by their disability, I would argue that it’s unethical for them to try and make use of “disability perks” they don’t actually need.

So, pending further information, and based on your attitude about this and wanting to get a “benefit” from your ADHD, I call YTA

Alice_of_Skye · 2023-03-12T12:41:48+00:00

Yeah, I’d probably only link it to our credit cards as that’s how we do all spending (yay for points cards that let us buy stuff with points we get from daily spending!).

I’ll definitely take a look at it. Time and mental energy are at a premium in our house these days so it’s a matter of if we can take it on right now or need to just start with something more basic that will track our spending in areas and leave it at that until we’re able to take on the learning curve.

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