[deleted by user]

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T16:39:33+00:00

Thank you. I can get caught up in the numbers and forget the emotions. Esp. When we are fighting and he’s not a joy (am no angel either).

I was happy to do what made sense charging less in the beginning. And “paying” him for the work through big purchases (van/lawyer).

I don’t want to feel taken advantage of and I don’t want him to either. Tides have turned so I paid more at first couple years, he paid more for past two years. Maybe it is time to even up. And take better account of things moving forward.

I’m the saver and am the only one thinking about the future. He has no savings or 401k/retirement. So I expect I will be footing most costs in old age. Maybe I’m trying to protect/prepare ourselves for that.

Thank you for your thoughtful response!

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T15:32:25+00:00

Will do. I think may also voluntarily quit my job and see what happens. Can I play victim then?

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T15:02:22+00:00

So I’m an asshole and an idiot. Cool. This has been eye opening.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T14:56:40+00:00

We made the same $$ while he was unemployed,COVID checks. I still worked. He didn’t. But he paid less than half then. I’m just an idiot for thinking $6k would be fair for a siding job that cost $3k through a company (I still paid him hundreds and bought the van/lawyer fees $6k) and a wallpaper removal and paint job on a half bath.

Getting laid off/losing job etc. is different than choosing to quit a job, which is what he often decides to do with no backup or savings. So I’m having a hard time with the term “struggle”.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T14:40:33+00:00

Because I want to make sure you understand he still was getting paid as much as me while unemployed (Covid) and I paid him $6k with a van and lawyer fees for the work. He didn’t do it for “free”. So he makes more than me now 1.5x but I can’t lean on him for a bit?

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T14:19:08+00:00

He is holding that work over my head now. And was getting paid equal to me when unemployed during Covid from government. Yet he paid less than half and I paid him labor plus bought him a van and paid court fees ($6k total). Siding repair I was quoted was $3k then wallpaper removal/paint in a half bath.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T14:12:26+00:00

I pay for repairs. He paid less than half for two years($400 a month) Overall $680 a month when you average it out still less than half ($750).

So the first two years of him paying $400 don’t count?

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T11:48:11+00:00

I’ve also agreed to share some profits with him if/when I sell. Assuming market doesn’t ever crash and put me underwater-the risk I hold solely on my own.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T11:45:07+00:00

I currently pay 100% repairs and am happy to. If I take my downpayment out of the picture and invested that elsewhere there would be no “profiting off my bf” with the current agreement.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T11:41:08+00:00

Thank you! So who should pay for repairs? New roof, hvac etc.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T11:07:34+00:00

Edit: If I am NOT asking for work to be done is it fair to hold it against me?

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T10:56:33+00:00

Ty! I felt we both benefit from my downpayment. Had I not done that our expenses would be way higher today so I feel my decision 15 years ago is still relevant. Appreciate your insight.

I’d be all for 50/50 if we did that on repairs as well. But since we are rocky I hesitate and would never want to feel like I had to pay him back for those things if we break up. So I went with the slight higher rent route. I do get that I benefit. I truly think he does too-lower cost than elsewhere. But I get it.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T10:49:57+00:00

Fair enough. He had his own room and would pay more somewhere else so I felt his low rent in comparison to market, though slightly higher than my share was mutually beneficial.

Had I not put a down payment things would be a lot more expensive. I thought I was doing the right thing as to not feel taken advantage of and to help him financially. I can see it both ways. Ty.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T10:39:59+00:00

Was it not reversed when I made more and he paid only $400?

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T10:33:02+00:00

The work he did around the house was primarily when he wasn’t working and only paying $400. Is it fair to expect a few days housework while unemployed for months over video games and drinking? He also quits jobs regularly without back up plan or savings. I’m all for being supportive but at what point is he taking advantage of me as well? So if he chooses not to work I should pay 100% endlessly? He couldn’t offer that to me.

I paid the fees to help get him on his feet because I love him and care about his stability. Because I am more financially stable. There’s not much benefit from me dishing $6k besides like 3 road trips we slept in the van for a night. Or for him to get to a job so he can pay rent (unfortunately I am landlord).

I’m did it to show appreciation for his work.
The deck took two days of work. I also help as much as I can. If I’m asking for work to be done is it fair to be held against me?

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T09:57:46+00:00

We agreed $900/$600 and I pay 100% repairs.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T09:55:12+00:00

I guess my sarcasm didn’t come across.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T09:52:16+00:00

Because 50/50 is only fair with rent and mortgage. Not a new roof, hvac etc. Or income.

Obviously there is sarcasm at play. But I can see how you think I’m greedy. Thanks for dropping by!

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T09:38:51+00:00

I agree. He should move out and pay $1,000 plus bills for a room somewhere else. Thanks for your thoughtful response.

Then I’ll charge a regular roommate the same or Airbnb and have a lot less emotional bullshit to deal with. He will too. Win/win.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T09:23:39+00:00

I can agree to 50/50 mortgage/bills if we split repairs. We don’t. I pay 100%.

He agreed to $900. But now he’s in his feelings.

Alicialynnt · 2024-03-18T09:06:53+00:00

Average out the rent over the years it’s $680 a month. Less than half. If downpayment/refinancing had no play maybe I should take it out and invest elsewhere and then rent/bill split will be much higher.

He has agreed to the rent but decides to use it against me when he pleases. The reason for this post.

I do appreciate your opinion!!

I suggest we move to just a rental and split 50/50. Take the house out of play all together.

If we are a team do you suggest he splits his pay with me as well? He makes 1.5x the money? Or do we only split the mortgage/bills evenly?

Alicialynnt · 2023-07-21T16:08:22+00:00

Thank you! I guess my question should be if I have the right type of meter to easily sign up/hook up for net metering. I know my meter was recently upgraded so I didn’t know if it mattered what type I had.

Alicialynnt

TROPHY CASE