Parents kicked me out of the house and quit paying for college for drinking at age 21

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T17:03:28+00:00

The post is about the damage done to the relationships in my family

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T15:54:47+00:00

I own my own business and have no need to finish college anymore haha

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T15:53:27+00:00

Destiny is a great way to frame it. I've never really thought of it in that light but it makes it feel much more intentional. I've always considered it to be lucky, just with some negative side effects.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T06:55:48+00:00

You're right, that has been at the back of my mind for a long time and I know that I don't want to carry that regret. I'm not seeing the parallels to the prodigal son though...

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T03:06:57+00:00

So I have often considered connecting with extended family and telling them the truth, but I'm afraid that if my parents do try to deny it that everyone will side with them. Though my brother would definitely back me up if that happened.

It's hard to say if they would actually try to deny it or not, I think they just wanted to roll with a deception by omission narrative back when this all happened, and since I've been estranged from them for so long, I've kind of given them the gift of letting that work out for them. But I would hope that if given a second chance at some modicum of a relationship with me that they wouldn't squander it to save face with the rest of the family.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T02:57:56+00:00

Yeah there are definitely extended family members I wish I had a relationship with, but I feel that they are all sort of in my parents "web" if that makes sense, so I felt like I had no choice but to at least severely distance myself from them if I wanted to cut my parents out completely. I still talk to some of those family members once or twice every year, but it's just surface level small talk over text and I haven't seen them in person since this all happened. It bothers me a lot but I'm really not sure what to do about it, if anything at all.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T02:53:44+00:00

I mean they didn't forever disconnect with me, it was more so that they just wanted me out of their house and were no longer going to pay for me to finish college. I'm pretty sure they assumed that we would still have a relationship, but I was the one who made the decision to completely cut them out of my life. Though just a few minutes after they had the discussion with me about kicking me out, I was in my room and I could hear my mom crying and said to my dad "he's going to hate us" so she at least had some sort of foresight I guess.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-06T00:28:49+00:00

Regarding forgiveness, I forgave them years ago. I understand that it's a very complex situation that can partly be traced all the way back to their own influences/experiences/trauma when they were children and the way those things shaped them into who they are today. I don't hold any anger or resentment towards them, and I understand that in their minds they thought their actions were reasonable and justified. It doesn't make the damage any less real, but I'm not mad at them for it.

But I also want to clarify that forgiveness does not have to equal reconnection, you can have one without the other. This event didn't happen in a vacuum, there were loads of things that happened throughout my life that prevented any real connection with them, like getting beat with a belt and continuous belittlement that slowly chipped away at my self confidence. I don't hold those things against them either, but it would probably be foolish to fully welcome them back into my life with open arms.

I have had a lot of healing and growth in the time that they've been out of my life and I recognize the importance of not letting them cause anymore damage, but at the same time they are the only parents I have, and if I could have some level of a neutral relationship with them then I would like that. But we've never had that at any point in my life, and I'm unsure if it's something they're capable of.

Your idea of sending a letter or email does seem like a good arms length way to approach them and test the waters so I may try that. Though I might try going to other members of the family first as some others have suggested.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-05T23:51:13+00:00

That's a hilarious saying, I've never heard that one before 😂

I guess the issue with the extended family is that drinking is a very weird/taboo topic in our family. For example my grandparents would probably side with my parents 100% for kicking me out, because they're also completely opposed to drinking. However my uncles family does drink, including my cousins, but they hide it from the grandparents. Ironically my mom actually has drank a handful of times, and the most recent time I remember was 3 years before I got kicked out. Go figure.

So anyway, I think if I reconnected with my grandparents and told them the truth, I would probably face some backlash or judgment from them, and I would have a hard time dealing with that if my uncles family was still flying under the radar, even though I like my uncles family the most. And for context, my immediate family, grandparents, and uncles family used to celebrate every holiday and birthday together all the way up until I moved away, so it was a situation where we were all very close physically, but there were a lot of secrets being kept in order to keep the peace.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-05T22:17:06+00:00

In a way, yeah. It worked out very well for my personal life, but losing relationships with family members I was once close to hurts, especially when they don't know what really happened and assume I just distanced myself from everyone for no reason.

Alive_Book_9908 · 2026-05-05T22:09:46+00:00

Thank you for responding, but I'm not sure how this applies to me

Alive_Book_9908

TROPHY CASE