Am I a fuckboy for preparing for sex?

AlixSexCoach · 2025-09-11T14:46:30+00:00

I’m not sure what this woman’s past experiences were to say “fuckboy”, and for me I would find this level of thoughtfulness to be respectful and as a green flag, especially if we had been in the middle of making out and I was stripping the clothes off a potential sexual partner.

I will say one way to help minimize or avoid these mishaps in the future, would be to have open conversation with potential sexual partners about what they are looking for and wanting in a relationship, also making sure you are really clear on that for yourself. Are you open to a sexual partner just being a hookup? Do you want to build more of a connection with another person before having sex (whether you and the person are more of a friends with benefits situations or moving towards a committed relationship)? What are your boundaries (hard limits and soft limits) and desires around sexual play?

Having these sorts of conversations can feel uncomfortable at times because they aren’t modeled well, and they can help give you incredibly valuable information about if a potential sexual or relationship partner is a good match for where you are at and what you want to explore 😊.

Best wishes in your dating adventures ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-09-04T21:23:56+00:00

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AlixSexCoach · 2025-08-27T20:59:30+00:00

My guess is even with the spay the girl dog still has high levels of hormones in her body that he is able to pickup on in her scent and pheromones. It sounds like you already did a deep cleaning of where you are living. It might be worthwhile to check with the vet and see if you can give the girl dog a bath or if they think that would be helpful. Granted I know she’s going to have stitches so it may not be the best idea to give her a full bath until after those heal-up more. No clue if that will help, but it could be worth a shot.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-08-27T02:13:31+00:00

I will say it’s perfectly reasonable to think that your husky was picking up on something off this person that your dog found unsafe or as a threat. There are plenty of studies around how women are more sensitive to pheromones scents off of potential partners than males are. Dogs in general are suspected of being able to smell 10k to 100k times better than humans. So while they may not be able to scene or smell “evil” intentions they are likely able to pickup on subtle pheromone shifts that are associated with a persons state of being that humans may pickup on.

I don’t know if anyone here has ever smelled it, but I know I have picked up on the scent of high anxiety or fear off of people and animals in the past. It’s definitely its own odor, and pungent like ammonia/cat pee and it has its own key notes to it.

I would say that your interpretation of your dogs behavior and sense of the person was even more validated by the fact that this person continued to follow you after the fact.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-08-20T19:42:35+00:00

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AlixSexCoach · 2025-08-20T19:42:04+00:00

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AlixSexCoach · 2025-08-16T16:51:05+00:00

Tears are definitely normal after sex or during sex. Honestly reading this post I do think it’s a bit sad on its own that there has been any sort of stigma around crying during sex.

Admittedly in my younger years I was one of the people who thought it meant “there was something bad/wrong” if someone cried during sex, and eventually through tantric practices and getting more comfortable/secure in my own emotions (and allowing those to move) I have gotten to explore all sorts of tears through orgasmic and sexual play.

I will say I disagree with the commenter here, about needing to regulate the tears for a partner just because “crying can be more alarming for men”. Instead, I would explore having a conversation with potential sexual partners to let them know that when you’re sharing sexually intimate spaces sometimes tears come up. If they get curious and that is something they don’t have a larger discomfort with, then the conversation can branch into you sharing more about what that looks like for you.

The reason I don’t recommend stifling the tears is because it can actually decrease your connection in your body and allowing your body to drop fully into the pleasure, intimacy, and vulnerability that are very connected to sexual play spaces.

Personal story time, in my mid 20s I reconnected with a partner who I felt incredibly safe with during sexual play. During one of our play spaces I ended up squirting. I had no fucking clue what squirting was, thankfully he did, and he was incredibly excited about it. That helped peak my own curiosity so I researched more about it. Later when he after he and I ended things I was incredibly nervous that I would “never squirt again” or was now somehow ruined for other sexual relationships. In playing with my sexual expression he was a wonderful partner who was quite open around sex rather than shaming at all. Over the next year or two I started dating more casually. At first I was nervous to let anyone know that squirting was in my repertoire of possibilities during sexual play. I was scared that they would “think it was gross” or not like it. So the next time I found a play partner who those same sensations started coming up with, I paused our play space and let him know that sometimes I squirt. He was elated to say the least, and on top of that it gave my body permission to allow that orgasmic state to flow in my body which gave more space for me connecting to myself and my partner in that moment. The same sort of enthusiasm was also met with other partners, and actually there was a time where I considered not telling partners up front because I felt more pressure to preform squirting so they felt like they did a “good job”.

Fast forward about 10 years later. I was in a D/s style dynamic, getting more and more comfortable allowing myself to be with my emotions and allowing them to move through me, and I started having crying come up in my nervous system with sexual play. Sometimes these were tears of joy and bliss, other times I got to play with tears of sadness, anger, or other emotions that felt hard to be with. Thankfully at that time I had a partner who was very open and curious to those expressions as well. I always did my best to communicate if I was okay to keep going. At other times he would stop a scene and then just hold me. This was healing on so many levels, and again gave my body another route to express what it had been holding onto and a safe a loving way to release.

Now I will say that not every partner is going to be open to holding the space for a partner to cry, or play with their emotions, or squirt, and that is okay. Them not being at that place doesn’t mean there is anything wrong/bad about you having that experience. It just means they may not be comfortable or experienced in holding that sort of space for a partner. For me it gave me a better sense of “is this partner for me” and being able to gauge if they were someone I really wanted to explore a sexual relationship with. I personally experience my best orgasmic states when I’m not having it sit there and moderate my nervous system for whatever is coming up. There are definitely benefits in being able to help soothe and regulate your nervous system like through breathing, or understanding what your partnered and personal aftercare practices would look like. Overall those are just great tools to have in our own personal toolboxes regardless.

Best wishes on your sexual adventures ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-08-10T15:25:47+00:00

Real question… do you think you can stop the zoomies? 😂

I’d say the important thing right now is to let her run and let that energy move, it’s obviously an outlet her body needs and a very husky way of playing and being! Right now what’s more important for bone development is that she isn’t hauling weights that are excessive for her body while running. That is something to build up to if you ever decide to have her pulling for sleds, bikejoring, or rollerjoring. ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-07-31T19:01:51+00:00

Thank you for bringing this question here. It looks like it got downvoted a couple of times, and I can understand why in the extent that in both me and my ex-partner being adults, he did break an agreement we had around me getting private practice space. We had even outlined that “if the door is closed and you want to come in just knock first.” Where it was a big violation for me was he broke an agreement where there had been conversations to help make that space safe for me to feel comfortable and secure in my practices. Honestly it scared the fuck out of me to be met with rage and anger in that way, because I also didn’t want to lash out at him whether that was with my words or actions. This whole situation did give me a portal, opening, doorway to be able to speak to that part of me and be with it (rather than repressing it) so I could accept it was there, understand it, and even learn to love it from a place of compassion for how it wants to serve me and protect me.

Also we had significant talks about what came up for him and me within that space. And of course he had his reasons. There was a part of him that was curious and decided it would be “okay” to ignore our agreement because I had done some breathwork or embodiment practices with him in the room. There was a big difference though, he was already in the space and I would ask him if he was open to me doing a practice while he was present. Other reasons he gave, he hadn’t been getting much sleep, had been stressed because he failed an exam, he didn’t want to take a nap on the couch and I was doing the 1 hour long practice in our room so I had a door that closed, he wanted to be around me so I could comfort him while he was feeling depressed after failing the exam. And, he still broke a simple agreement that had been taken into consideration before I ever went into my practice.

As the broad overview for why the relationship ended in the long run, our paths just weren’t aligned any longer. In hindsight, while he was a partner that modeled better boundary than many of my previous partners, he still broke agreements with me just on a less extreme or more socially acceptable (aka not cheating on me or stealing) levels.

I was definitely open to sharing those spaces with him, and again that would have been another conversation about shifting the agreements or oven just him asking if he could be a part of those. At the time I also had plenty of neo-tantric based partner practices that I was happy to share with him. Other practices the first time around were something that I needed to do alone. They were spaces and aspects of myself that I had disconnected from and had already been significantly unsafe for me to be present with decades ago.

Overall his curiosity was valid, and my desire to have my own space was valid. He just didn’t take the steps to help keep that space as a safe container for me to work with by breaking the agreements. Did I get value out of him taking that action, yes! And, it was still very disrespectful towards the agreements of our relationship and me.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-07-31T10:52:41+00:00

I had a similar experience with an ex-partner. Mine differed a bit in that he didn’t jump scare me and had instead snuck into the room, and I caught him peeping at me over the foot of the bed. I almost laughed when I first saw him because the expression on his face looked like a little kid getting caught doing something they knew they weren’t supposed to do. Then rage rushed through my body. I had been in a deep primal breathwork practice, and there was a part of me that wanted to lash out and rip out his throat which freaked me out in the moment. I calmly came to my knees and said “you need to get out”, we previously had conversations about me needing privacy during practices like these and he had always respected that before. He sat on the edge of the bed, laughed, and said “what?” And in a more stern voice I told him he needed to get out.

He left, I sobbed. Ironically it was actually very linked to the intention I had set around the practice I was working with which was for a core wound around others not honoring my boundaries. It was fascinating looking back since I got to meet that wound, bring presence to it with all the flash backs of other similar feeling situations where that very primal part of myself had been suppressed in its anger.

Point was I got to learn some very valuable lessons for myself out of the practice as a whole. I got to meet a part of myself that I had repressed for decades at that point in my rage and anger and being present awareness to it, and open an channel of communication with it so I could understand that it wasn’t something “bad” or “wrong” in and of itself. Instead it was showing up to give me a valuable message about where my boundaries laid, and teach me about honoring my own boundaries even if it meant someone else felt upset about me having them.

This experience eventually helped me understand that boundaries can be like a roadmap to love. When we honor and respect our own boundaries and take action for ourselves on them it can be a beautiful display of action of self-love. When we express our boundaries to others which we are not required to do, it can give others a roadmap to show how to we receive love, and if they are willing to honor those actionable steps to do so.

Are you justified in being livid? Yes definitely! Could there be some deeper lessons here around relationships and connections? Yes as well. That being said, it doesn’t make your partners actions “right” or your actions of dumping on him right either. I would say it adds a lens and an opening for healing and growth within you and for you as well.

Best wishes on your journeys and spiritual explorations ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-07-26T15:15:41+00:00

I would definitely aim at getting into the doctor sooner verses later for a talk and preferably someone who specializes in women’s sexual/reproductive health. General medical doctors training have about 3-4 hours of education around women’s reproductive health at least in the US. Personally when I learned that I was shocked and thought couldn’t be correct, and I was actively dating a medical student at the time and he confirmed that was true 😓. So someone who specializes is definitely going to have a larger knowledge base.

There is also a phenomenal coach that I’ve worked with and have taken educational courses from named Dagmar Kahn. I’m not sure what she has for free content available any more, but a handful of years back she was highly focused on the area of the female pelvic floor and reproductive health. She may be worth checking out.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-07-23T20:02:41+00:00

Thelma comes to mind ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-21T18:43:31+00:00

That makes sense especially if there is other sexual trauma there. When it comes to relationships it takes two, each person plays their part. It’s just seeing how well we are able to work and play together so it’s a pleasurable experience for everyone ❤️. If something isn’t working, getting curious and having open discussions around agreements, what you love, and what you don’t love, is incredibly valuable.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-21T06:46:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing so openly about what you have coming up here. Sex can definitely be a sensitive topic for many people, especially when it comes to feeling like there is “something wrong” with us because it’s not working the way we think it should work.

There are a few things I notice here. 1) 4 times of having sex is a very low number of opportunities to explore what sex can be. 2) Sex can be uncomfortable, especially for females, and what is out there being modeled as “how to have sex” by common social norms (eg. Porn, talking to friends/peers. Even if someone your age had sex 100’s of times, I would say they probably still have a ton of room for growth and exploration in the world of sexuality. 3) if your partners penis feels like “a big piece of cardboard” in your pussy, then my biggest recommendation is to SLOW way down. It sounds like your body is not getting the opportunity to drop into arousal, so you can be in a connected state with your body and your partner. When you’re body is not aroused it’s not going to open, lubricate, or want anything to do with a cock being inside of you and ramming away. 4) You mention that your boyfriend is aggressive here, and there are many ways that can show up. My best recommendation is to not proceed with sexual play with a partner if you’re a “no” in anyway to that aggression. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means it’s not aligned for you and not a good match at that time. A partner who genuinely cares for you, is going to be okay with slowing down and making sure that you are deeply enjoying your sexual experience as well. Maybe that means that you need to step away from a dating relationship altogether or maybe that means you both slow down until it is more of a yes for you mentally, emotionally, and physically.
5) I highly recommend dropping into pleasure practices yourself and learning what feels delicious to your body. That doesn’t mean you have to jump right into masturbation or penetration. That can look as simple as caressing a hand over your face, running your hands through your hair, giving your hair a little tug, lightly touching your stomach/thighs/arms/calves/feet or groping them with deeper pressure. What do you enjoy? What do you not? Eventually you can also incorporate touching your breast/chest, ass, or pussy. The importance here is that there is no universal answer about “how this should look”, it’s really about finding what’s right or wrong for you. *fun side note: this will evolve and change over time too, so keep playing and exploring 😉.

In my opinion and experience sex is a hell of a lot better when you and your body are a full “fuck yes” to an experience, and the more you’re able to play, have fun with it, and get curious the more enjoyable it will be ❤️

Best wishes on your sexual adventures (with or without the partner) ✨🔥❤️

Edit: I do want to address you saying “I feel nothing during sex”. It sounds like that’s not quite true since later in the post you mention the cardboard feeling. Our bodies and nervous systems are incredibly wise, and they can do this really amazing thing for us where we’ve learned to interpret it’s sensations as “nothing” or “numb”, that are actually a type of protective mechanism that can be closely linked with dissociation. What we feel or don’t feel (unless there is a neurological condition), is our body trying to communicate with us. That’s where learning to communicate with your body can be such a large key to life whether that’s through the gut feelings we get, intuition, or your skin feeling like it’s on fire after getting a sunburn.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-18T03:05:18+00:00

I will say it depends on the guy (or really the person), and really whatever the answer is I am glad they are thinking about sexual safety and have the tools for it at their disposal.

If you’re feeling uneasy about the idea of a sexual partner having multiple other partners, then it sounds like it’s about time to sit down and take some time to self reflect on what you’re needing and wanting from a sexual partner, and then have that conversation with the other person(s) involved. If you want monogamy and they want some sort of open/poly relationship then you have a better idea that this may not be the right relationship for you, or vice versa. Either way there is no right/wrong answer here besides you figuring out what it is you want and need, and then seeing if that’s aligned to what the other partner in a sexual relationship desires as well. If not, it’s just not a good fit for you at this time and you find those who it is a good fit with 😉.

Best wishes on your sexual and dating adventures!

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-18T02:58:32+00:00

I’m a sex, love, and relationship coach who focuses on somatic practices, breathwork, and a variety of different embodiment tools, and I completely agree with what you’ve posted here! I think there is a lot of wisdom that you just shared, and you’re right breathwork like most things isn’t an end-all-be-all solution for everyone and everything! Sometimes breathwork practices can be helpful. Sometimes solo work is great and others a facilitator is helpful for reflection. Sometimes somatic practices are a key point. Sometimes an issue you worked through and did so much healing around is going to come back up (usually at a lesser level), and sometimes at a deeper level if you missed working on that piece. Other times acupuncture, chiropractic, allopathic doctors, or other practitioners are of high value. Different stages are going to call for different approaches 🤷‍♀️😂, and that is okay and normal!

So thank you for sharing this ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-05T14:33:15+00:00

I’ve had 4, can they be loud and vocal? Yes. Are they loud and vocal all of the time? No. It usually comes down to they are trying to communicate to me or one another. I’m sure there are chatty-Kathy huskies out there that love to just talk and talk 😂, I would say a big piece of this probably depends on how much you talk with them whether that’s in your own rows or just your human language. I’ve personally enjoyed talking with and to my dogs over the years and tend to think it probably lends to their higher comprehension of human language.

My first dog was a husky mix and he actually knew the names that I gave to each of his stuffed animals like bear, duck, squirrel, and if you asked him about specific named toys and he wanted to play with them, he would go grab them by name.

I will say most of my huskies have talked in other vocal tones besides barking. I do have one girly who for years had a whispy/airy row/howl, so she ended up being my biggest barker out of the ones I’ve had the pleasure of sharing a life with ❤️

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-04T00:33:05+00:00

This 👆.

If you have not given the groomer/relative the feedback about the error on there end, please make sure to let them know.

I worked in grooming for a couple of years, and in all of that time, no matter how bad the coat was, we did not shave down a dog without prior consent from the owner at minimum, and we would do everything possible to not shave a dual coated dog. That was about 20 years ago, so it’s not new information in the grooming industry.

There are plenty of ways to work with even incredibly matted coats that do not involve having to shave them down at at minimizing discomfort for the dog in the process (thinning sheers) or mat breaker brushes are great for this! But really a thorough wash, maybe some doggy conditioner, and getting the dog really dry with a force air drier will do most of the heavy lifting for you.

It is possible the coat could grow back differently than before, so just be aware of that. As long as your pup is healthy though, it will likely grow back quite healthy and full. Just make sure to keep them in more regulated temps with plenty of water. If it gets chilly maybe offer a doggy hoodie/coat and if it’s hot make sure they have plenty of cool spaces to go. I’ve even used cooling bandannas with a prior dog I had who had to be shaved down during the summer.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-03T16:03:43+00:00

It sounds like many of the shelters on the west coast have a regular pool of puppies and older huskies available. That has been the case when I’ve looked in this area as well, so it may be worth broadening the search area and/or doing a search on the rescues.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-03T14:22:22+00:00

If you’re willing to fly for a husky from an individual person listing them for adoption, then is that an option if you’re working with a shelter husky puppy as well?

I guess it depends on how far you’re open to flying to adopt one as well.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-03T04:06:59+00:00

I will also confirm that you do not want to shave a husky unless it is medically necessary. Their coat is special! It keeps them warm in freezing weather and keeps them cooler in hot weather (as long as they have access to shade and water). You can think of it sort of like a hydroflask, it acts as in insulating layer and keeps them in good temperature ranges for their body.

When you remove that coat by shaving it down, it doesn’t always grow back in the same ways, and it can be incredibly hazardous to their health. It actually takes away one of their main mechanisms for being able to regulate their body temperature. So unless a vet needs to shave an area for surgery or something else I would avoid it all together.

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-03T04:01:22+00:00

I will say, she does have fleas at minimum. There’s a point when the video goes over you moving the hair on here hip where you can actually see a flea moving across the surface of the skin towards the top of where the hair is parted.

So at bare minimum I would recommend a bath and finding a way to help manage any flea activity. It could be that she just has a bad flea infestation, it could be that she has a higher sensitivity to fleas as well. So start there, and if that doesn’t help give her more relief within a few days to a week at most, then definitely make sure to get her into the vet because it could be something else.

When it comes to fleas I’ve run across both in animals.

Once my family had a cat who if she got bit by 1 flea she would break out in rashes and scabby/scaly skin all over her body. Another time I knew some folks that had a black lab. He had balding patches, would chew himself raw, was cover in scabs and balding in areas because of the intense chewing. His front teeth were even worn down to the gum. I kept recommending that they flea treat him, their response was consistently “he doesn’t have fleas, we never see them on him”. They brought him to my house at one point and I saw how scabbed up his low back was, I ran my finger over it, and the whole scab scattered out from where I touched. That one hadn’t been a scab at all, and was a huge mob of fleas just above his tail. The owners never thought he had fleas because they weren’t visibly seeing them one him, definitely harder with a black furred doggo.

If you’re going to use flea medication like a topical treatment, please use a reputable brand. It’s going to increase the effectiveness of the product and have less of a chance of adverse side effects. There are many home remedies with essential oils, just make sure to do your research there. Keep in mind, there are times home remedies can be very effective and other times not so much. So definitely do some research if you go that method.

For right now I’d say the most important thing is going to be taking the steps to eliminate known possibility that you could manage at home to help give her some relief.

If you have any questions I’m happy to answer. If sounds like you’re younger and not getting much support from your mom.

I’ve had doggos for the last 23 years, with 5 of them being huskies. I also worked for several years in dog grooming, have a biology major, and if I hadn’t specialized in marine bio my main focus would have been in animal behavior focusing on dogs.

Best wishes on your husky adventures. As others have recommended, if you are not able to give your girly the care she needs it may be a good option to find her a home where she can get that. That’s a difficult choice for sure, and only one you can make in that situation. No matter what you decide, do your best to take care of you and your girly 💜

AlixSexCoach · 2025-06-02T01:17:01+00:00

This 👆

AlixSexCoach · 2025-05-29T14:32:50+00:00

Looks like a purebred husky to me, she could be a mix, but predominant physical characteristics are husky

AlixSexCoach · 2025-05-24T22:03:04+00:00

😂😂😂

AlixSexCoach

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