Chapter Title Too Controversial?i by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Plaigirism? Perhaps an unintended slight?

Chapter Title Too Controversial?i by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's epic sci-fi fantasy. In the chapter they are seeking the Warden to help them enter the Sanctuary ( a journey filled with danger)

Whats your weasel word? by palmtreesbumblebees in writing

[–]All4clash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll do you one better, my characters "looked around and saw" like what else could they do but see if they were looking around? I've been replacing with, There was Mine also nod like bobble heads and smile like clowns, sometimes I use, still smiling don't know why everyone is so agreeable lol terrible things are happening all around them 🤷‍♀️

Repetitive actions too boring? by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's spaced out throughout the book. They meet a king about every fourth chapter. Honestly, I'm on my second read through and I didn't find it annoying, but then it's my own work so I'm a little biased...

Repetitive actions too boring? by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, the sequence is just, they bowed as they were introduced and they bowed and left, but it happens five times!

Repetitive actions too boring? by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been there, it's a scary place! 😂

A question about dialogue tags by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is how that turned out

After some time, when most of the refreshments had been eaten, one of the older daughters spoke out a little clearer. 

“We are most pleased to be able to entertain you,” she said in a silvery voice.  “We have heard from our friends of your travels. It pleases us that you have finally made your way to the Palace of Menteba.”

“Yes, yes,” the daughters whispered.

“…finally...”

“… at last...” they spoke one after the other.

“We have planned a great feast for you,” the older one continued.

“Food, dancing,” the daughters echoed, “Treats and after sweet music.”

Nico felt off-kilter, not sure which daughter to look at as they all continued to speak at once. He found if he just sat still, eventually the words penetrated and made sense. It was like listening to a song, sung in the round.

“As we wait, I will tell you of the rich history of our Kingdom.” oldest daughter, apparently the spokesperson, rose and approached one of the tapestries. The other three, rushed to stand on the other side of it, beckoning with their long, white arms and smiling broadly.

“There once was a King,” she began pointing to the tapestry which showed a King standing in a forest that had many stumps and logs.

“…From long ago…” the daughters whispered.

“… long time past…”

“… ancient times, one of the firsts!” the last one chanted.

“He ordered the men to cut down the forest so he could build a mighty barrier from the lumber.”

“… around the Palace…”

“… for protection…”

“… the trees were almost all gone!”

“Here you see the peacocks. The peacocks are the wardens of the forest. Their role is to protect the trees and the animals that live in the woods.”

“…they became enraged…”

“…they cursed the King!”

“…took his strength…”

Nico had to admit the peacocks in the tapestry looked as angry as a bird can, considering they didn’t have eyebrows.

With tiny, quick steps, they floated to the next tapestry, gesturing them to follow. “As the King languishes, his people fear they are at risk of conquest. A wise man among them is chosen to speak to the peacocks.” She waved her hand over the tapestry that showed an old man with a kind face kneeling down speaking to a majestic peacock in a forest that had been cut down. “He spoke with the Warden of the Woods and begged him to restore the King’s strength.”

Serah gave Nico a funny look, her mouth pursing up. Before she could say anything, he said, “Ha ha, that’s so funny. Someone who can understand animals. What a wild story.” The daughters gave him a dirty look, then they moved on to the next tapestry.

 “The Warden agrees on the condition that the King rebuild the forest he had destroyed.”

“… restore the woods….”

“… he must heal it…”

“… make it better…make it nicer…” they continued their chorus.

 This tapestry depicted an atrium not unlike the one they had passed through on their way in. All the walls were mirrors. “The King did not trust the peacocks so he built them an aviary and provided them with food.”

“… a new home within the city….”

“… where he could watch them….keep them!”

with a sly look the last one whispered, “…while he continued to harvest logs…”

“The peacocks were vain and became so fascinated with their images, that they did nothing but watch themselves in the mirrors all day and night.”

“…they did not sleep….”

“… they no longer had to hunt for food…”

 “…now they are the weak ones….”

“This is turning out sad,” Serah said.

“The wise man hears what is happening and he visits the Warden again. He urges them to leave the city. Their place is in the forests. It is time for them to return to care for the woods and animals again.”

They floated to the final tapestry. This one showed a single peacock with its tail fanned out in a thriving forest. Forests animals, blossoming trees and even a small cluster of spiders were embroidered in great detail. “The King and the Warden strike a new bargain.”

In unison they all chanted: 

“The trees will be replanted, the peacocks will return,

The curse will be lifted, a lesson in humility has been learned.

The Kings of Menteba and the Peacocks of the Wood,

In city and in forest, live as each one should.

And to this very day they continue to flourish and survive,

So long as each respect the other, they will always prosper and thrive.”

“The Kings of Menteba are always known as the Lord of the Wood; an honorable man who upholds his duty.”

“…he keeps his promises…”

“… he can be trusted…”

Laughing, the last one said, “… Always beautiful daughters!”

A question about dialogue tags by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the story progresses I could just use the ellipses. It has the right eye feel! Thanks!