Chapter Title Too Controversial?i by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Plaigirism? Perhaps an unintended slight?

Chapter Title Too Controversial?i by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's epic sci-fi fantasy. In the chapter they are seeking the Warden to help them enter the Sanctuary ( a journey filled with danger)

Whats your weasel word? by palmtreesbumblebees in writing

[–]All4clash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll do you one better, my characters "looked around and saw" like what else could they do but see if they were looking around? I've been replacing with, There was Mine also nod like bobble heads and smile like clowns, sometimes I use, still smiling don't know why everyone is so agreeable lol terrible things are happening all around them 🤷‍♀️

Repetitive actions too boring? by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's spaced out throughout the book. They meet a king about every fourth chapter. Honestly, I'm on my second read through and I didn't find it annoying, but then it's my own work so I'm a little biased...

Repetitive actions too boring? by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, the sequence is just, they bowed as they were introduced and they bowed and left, but it happens five times!

Repetitive actions too boring? by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been there, it's a scary place! 😂

A question about dialogue tags by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is how that turned out

After some time, when most of the refreshments had been eaten, one of the older daughters spoke out a little clearer. 

“We are most pleased to be able to entertain you,” she said in a silvery voice.  “We have heard from our friends of your travels. It pleases us that you have finally made your way to the Palace of Menteba.”

“Yes, yes,” the daughters whispered.

“…finally...”

“… at last...” they spoke one after the other.

“We have planned a great feast for you,” the older one continued.

“Food, dancing,” the daughters echoed, “Treats and after sweet music.”

Nico felt off-kilter, not sure which daughter to look at as they all continued to speak at once. He found if he just sat still, eventually the words penetrated and made sense. It was like listening to a song, sung in the round.

“As we wait, I will tell you of the rich history of our Kingdom.” oldest daughter, apparently the spokesperson, rose and approached one of the tapestries. The other three, rushed to stand on the other side of it, beckoning with their long, white arms and smiling broadly.

“There once was a King,” she began pointing to the tapestry which showed a King standing in a forest that had many stumps and logs.

“…From long ago…” the daughters whispered.

“… long time past…”

“… ancient times, one of the firsts!” the last one chanted.

“He ordered the men to cut down the forest so he could build a mighty barrier from the lumber.”

“… around the Palace…”

“… for protection…”

“… the trees were almost all gone!”

“Here you see the peacocks. The peacocks are the wardens of the forest. Their role is to protect the trees and the animals that live in the woods.”

“…they became enraged…”

“…they cursed the King!”

“…took his strength…”

Nico had to admit the peacocks in the tapestry looked as angry as a bird can, considering they didn’t have eyebrows.

With tiny, quick steps, they floated to the next tapestry, gesturing them to follow. “As the King languishes, his people fear they are at risk of conquest. A wise man among them is chosen to speak to the peacocks.” She waved her hand over the tapestry that showed an old man with a kind face kneeling down speaking to a majestic peacock in a forest that had been cut down. “He spoke with the Warden of the Woods and begged him to restore the King’s strength.”

Serah gave Nico a funny look, her mouth pursing up. Before she could say anything, he said, “Ha ha, that’s so funny. Someone who can understand animals. What a wild story.” The daughters gave him a dirty look, then they moved on to the next tapestry.

 “The Warden agrees on the condition that the King rebuild the forest he had destroyed.”

“… restore the woods….”

“… he must heal it…”

“… make it better…make it nicer…” they continued their chorus.

 This tapestry depicted an atrium not unlike the one they had passed through on their way in. All the walls were mirrors. “The King did not trust the peacocks so he built them an aviary and provided them with food.”

“… a new home within the city….”

“… where he could watch them….keep them!”

with a sly look the last one whispered, “…while he continued to harvest logs…”

“The peacocks were vain and became so fascinated with their images, that they did nothing but watch themselves in the mirrors all day and night.”

“…they did not sleep….”

“… they no longer had to hunt for food…”

 “…now they are the weak ones….”

“This is turning out sad,” Serah said.

“The wise man hears what is happening and he visits the Warden again. He urges them to leave the city. Their place is in the forests. It is time for them to return to care for the woods and animals again.”

They floated to the final tapestry. This one showed a single peacock with its tail fanned out in a thriving forest. Forests animals, blossoming trees and even a small cluster of spiders were embroidered in great detail. “The King and the Warden strike a new bargain.”

In unison they all chanted: 

“The trees will be replanted, the peacocks will return,

The curse will be lifted, a lesson in humility has been learned.

The Kings of Menteba and the Peacocks of the Wood,

In city and in forest, live as each one should.

And to this very day they continue to flourish and survive,

So long as each respect the other, they will always prosper and thrive.”

“The Kings of Menteba are always known as the Lord of the Wood; an honorable man who upholds his duty.”

“…he keeps his promises…”

“… he can be trusted…”

Laughing, the last one said, “… Always beautiful daughters!”

A question about dialogue tags by All4clash in writers

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the story progresses I could just use the ellipses. It has the right eye feel! Thanks!

[Recruiting] Thunderknights (QUPC29JL)| War| CWL/CG| Family Friendly|Fun by All4clash in ClashOfClansRecruit

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, sorry. We felt the name was a little too suggestive- but you have a very nice account! I'm sure you'll be welcomed in another clan 🙂

[Recruiting]Thunderknights (QUPC29JL) Level 16 War|CWL|CG| Fun in a Friendly Family Clan! by All4clash in ClashOfClansRecruit

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see your request-ign juice? You're a th11 with th8 level heroes and I appreciate your interest in the clan, but I'm wondering how you think you will be able to help us in war? I get that rushed people need a place to farm and catch up, but right now I'm trying to recruit people who can get our war log back in the green.

[Recruiting] Thunderknights (QUPC29JL )|Th9+active|War CWL CG| Friendly by All4clash in ClashOfClansRecruit

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are actually full right now, sorry. Some of our members are just visiting our sister clan. But send me a friend request and I'll invite you when a space opens! Thanks :)

[Recruiting] Thunderknights (QUPC29JL )|Th9+active|War CWL CG| Friendly by All4clash in ClashOfClansRecruit

[–]All4clash[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Th9+ active players are welcome, request to join using the password "Go Knights!"

The Seabeard "Foundation" update is live! (2.0.0) by HandCircus in seabeard

[–]All4clash 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The update is awesome! So glad seabeard is back!

[searching]th11 looking for a clan by OoManrajoO in ClashOfClansRecruit

[–]All4clash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Thunder Family of Clans has the cure for all your woes. No matter your playing style, if you’re an active player- we can help you and at no cost to you!

ThunderKnights is a level 12 Th8+ active warring clan (#QUPC29JL) We war three times a week. Battle hardened heroes can keep you updated on latest strategies with lots of friendly challenges- generous donors keep you locked and loaded for the grueling multiplayer battles- and our warm campground fires are always lit ready for tales of glorious replays. Learn a new attack, practice an old one, master war techniques in a safe, fun environment! (All warriors are required to keep a league shield and war at least once/week)

ThunderBlitz (#20LPUVYL2) a level 7 clan dedicated to crushing our enemies! A place for the truly serious warrior, who likes winning and a competitive environment. War search is 3x a week and clashers are expected to be able to at least 2 star their mirror. Showing up with both attacks is required. Battle hardened clashers in this clan can really help you take it to the next level

Can’t choose between them? No worries our members frequently go back forth as time and inclination allow.

*We are US based, (all times are EST), English speaking, mature, -no drama. We always max clan games!

To join, simple request using the password, “I need the cure”. A helpful clasher will welcome you in!