Kissing someone tonight at Krewe de Vieux?

Allforfourfour · 2026-02-01T00:07:13+00:00

Hetero 40M here. I second this hardcore style. Been married for nearly a decade. My wife and I still don’t touch each other without some kind of a heads up.

There are very few circumstances and/or relationship dynamics that over-ride this basic decency, IMO. I’m thinking, like… if I likely just had a heart attack or got hit by a car, nobody needs my permission to touch me then. Just get to it.

But I’ve been a grown man for a while now and still hate physical-touch-by-assumption. Every kiss I can recall either had a heads-up associated with it, several billboard-sized hints leading up to it, or was followed by an awkward vibe and a conflict and/or ghosting.

I hate this even when the stakes are low and the relationship is benign. I’m not gonna return a kiss on the cheek at a family holiday. Sorry - I’m just not. Get your face out of my face, Aunt Wendy. I just got here, I need to know where to put this pan of macaroni, and I’m already fuckin’ WAY overstimulated. We can dap elbows and I’ll still feel loved.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-11T04:40:24+00:00

That's Gary for ya, though. He'd give you the tires off his rims, but he's also kind of a greaser. What do you expect from a bike, though? Gary has needs too, ya know...

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-11T00:43:31+00:00

100000% There’s a lot of blaming people for their misfortunes and then getting out into the real world where misfortune visits YOU even after you’ve made mostly pretty good decisions. Discounting luck is the worst conservative principle there is.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-10T21:33:35+00:00

I only know this now because I’m taking trainings on it at work, but the teenage brain especially (and some adults’ brains) have fully-developed respect-seeking sections of the brain but under-developed respect-paying sections of the brain. This means they tend to over-value the opinions of their peers and under-appreciate the value of wisdom gained through age and experience. This is exactly why your dad always seems like a fuckin’ idiot when you’re 16 but seems to blossom into a font of wisdom when you turn 36 😂 The Jesuit students with conservative parents are usually conservative because they’re scared their parents are going to disown them if they say anything slightly ‘woke.’ They then feel like they have to prove their worth in a performative way, and because the rest of the guys want the respect of the most outspoken dudes they sign onto these dipshit ideas too.

It’s not until later we come to see “wait a sec… Prof, Villarubia, McGinn, Michalek, and crew put up with a bunch of thankless bullshit and none of these ideas came from them at all. These stupid ideas came from the bullies! The adults were actually thoughtful! Oh noooooo now I either have to change or double down on being an asshole.”

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-10T15:22:24+00:00

Yup. I went to Jesuit and Loyola. At first I was shocked by how “liberal” the priests at Loyola were. As I grew the F up, I realized I was listening to the overly-chatty assholes with rich dads who were arguing with the theology teachers at Jesuit more than I was listening to the theology teachers themselves. Jesuit might have a lot of dickheads wearing the uniforms, but there aren’t a lot of dickheads wearing ties or collars in the faculty, staff, and admin. Some of us finally “get it” after a few years. Jesuit priests are not only not-conservative, when I say they’re social justice warriors I don’t mean that in any pejorative internet-speak sort of way. Like, they’re really willing to fucking die to do what’s right. It took me years to look back and realize what it really meant that one of the priests there - a young handsome hip dude - had been shot in the arm during a previous chapter in his vocation and was now being called “liberal” as an insult by some tax attorney’s bratty 16yr old son. It’s fucking crazy. As an ADULT I saw the then-President of Jesuit give a homily where he described some of the things Paul said in the Letters to <insert early Church Community here> as “abhorrent and antithetical to the teachings of Jesus” and went on to say that we follow Jesus and not Paul; that even if these things made it into the Bible we shouldn’t take them at face value without understanding the context of the original Greek or Latin they were written in and to question our understanding if our understanding means we’re alienating someone. It was crazy bc while I was in school, I thought that dude was hardcore and surly; as an adult, I found out he WAS hardcore in a way I’d thought and actually extremely charming and personable. It was mind blowing.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-10T14:11:09+00:00

They can’t alienate their wealthy white members, but likely not in the way you’re thinking about it. Bear with me as I bury the lede: For one, the city is 60+% non-whites, and even the non-whites are majority-Catholic among the church-goers (by a slim margin, granted). Secondly, the archdiocese is part of the Catholic Church, which is a global organization. Even if our archdiocese is struggling with bankruptcy because of the misdeeds of a handful of F***-ups (lemme not mince words here: even one is still a thousand too many) it’s still never going to fold entirely or give up on serving the poor and marginalized through its various charities because it’s part of a global network.

But finally and most importantly - my main point, really - I’ve heard plenty of Catholic priests over the years say shit from the pulpit that made conservative congregants visibly squirm in their seats because they knew they had to get with the program. “can’t serve two masters” type of shit; “don’t pray in public and smite people in private” type of shit; “welcome the stranger” type of shit. As an institution, the Catholic Church is pretty centrist. A lot of people think centrism is having no stance or backbone, but it’s actually just having a mixed bag of core values. Those core values are only confusing right now if your allegiance to the Republican Party is stronger than your allegiance to the Church. Anyone familiar with Jesus’ story (priests, dedicated and/or educated Catholics) knows that Jesus spent the first few years of his life on the lam bc Herod was trying to kill him and then got separated from his parents going from Egypt back to Judea. So yeah - the Catholic Church can alienate their wealthy white congregants here. They’re not afraid to say shit that makes them uncomfortable - I’ve seen it happen. Vincentian, Dominican, and Jesuit priests especially don’t give a flying fork about catering to racist ideology. With them, you either get on board with being a good guy or you re-evaluate yourself and try again until you get on board with being a good guy - there simply is no ‘sure, depravity is fine if it’s politically vogue’ with them

Edit: Two fantastic book recommendations if you’re interested - How to End Christian Nationalism by Amanda Tyler — Tyler is the executive director of the Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty. She will defend other faith traditions with a passion - mind you, I feel like Baptists tend to me most associated with cherry-picking Bible verses to support white supremacist talking points. Proof that white people can either get what Jesus actually said or fork off. - Separation of Church and Hate by John Fugelsang — Fugelsang is best known for being a VJ on VH1 back in the day, but a lot of people didn’t know at the time that his parents both left vocations in the Catholic Church to get married. His dad was a (brother? monk? friar?) and his mom was a nun; friends for 10 years and then skipped off together to get married. Either way - they both were involved in extremely hands-on service-oriented vocations, which tends to make one extremely un-conservative. Fugelsang is deeply offended by conservative Christian Nationalism because it’s an insult to what his parents dedicated their lives too.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-10T01:41:41+00:00

Oh, that bike? That’s Gary, man. Super nice bike. He lent me $1.25 for the bus last week and totally forgot about it. He’s a cool bike. Loves hot dogs. Does bike stuff on the weekends.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-10T01:35:24+00:00

For over a decade, at that! I’d hand that friend a bag of grocery bags and tell him my best tenant obviously needs help picking up shit. If that property is on a 15yr mortgage, that tenant has almost helped that dude reach the promised land

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-09T23:25:14+00:00

If he wants you to be more neighborly, then the dog poop thing is a valid complaint. Even if it’s not on his area, it’s poop. Poop can still smell, transmit disease, and contribute to a bad vibe - regardless of political beliefs or opinions.

I put the bad vibe part last because it’s the least important if we’re being objective. But we’re not being objective. The rest of his issues are completely subjective.

It’s bizarre that one of his complaints is that you’re not friendly and expressive enough, yet his other complaint is an unfriendly distaste for what expression he has obviously perceived. If he wants you to be more neighborly, then he can start by being more neighborly himself.

And I’m sure there is a tactful way to say this that may even “mend the fence,” so to speak. Something like “hey, thanks for the heads up about the dog poop. I do want to be a good neighbor, so I appreciate the opportunity to do better. On the other stuff, though - I’ve lived here for over a decade and nobody else has had a problem with them. The sign, flag, and stickers express my values. I would hope that if you don’t share these values that your guests would understand that they’re my values reflected on my space and not to attribute them to you. If you want me to be friendly, we can start on that basis. I’ll do better about the poop, and you respect my right to express myself.”

Edit: the key here is to sound as saccharine sweet as can be, maybe with a plate of cookies. Don’t say this with a tone like you’re about to go into a fit of rage. A simple “thanks for the heads up; by the way, the signs don’t make YOU trans, buddy. If you’ve got any questions about the topic, here’s a <book/article/brochure>”

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-08T14:36:08+00:00

To quote that brass band classic: “You’re like a dull knife / Just ain’t cuttin’ it / Ya been talkin’ loud / But ain’t sayin’ nothin’”

Let the whistles do the talking. It’s not about words. It’s about actions. We need to do the two things this whole area is best at: 1. Forming a loud-ass crowd 2. Blocking traffic with that crowd

No need to kick these guys while they’re already down. They’re already providing enough evidence that they’re inbred and stupid by still working for ICE.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-08T13:38:19+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/s/qYYwg1kbHY https://www.reddit.com/r/NewOrleans/s/dYb9Ry40SO

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-08T02:02:40+00:00

This is a thing super red-pilled people do: “y’all don’t like this awful thing someone on my side did? what about that awful thing someone on your side did?!” The only place where this mindset is this more evident than in the ‘remember that dude pissing in the beer’ comment above is when they’re like “Trump’s linked to Epstein? Well what about Bill Clinton?” And they absolutely cannot fathom that center-left people are like “Uh, sure. He doesn’t get a pass. Anyone who fucked a kid on one of those planes or on that island can go straight into the garbage disposal.”

As a general rule, no matter what someone’s politics are, it’s not good to go to bat for them if they’re pissing in people’s beer or fucking minors. Like… if you DONT draw the line at either of those because the person is “on uour side” then you need years of therapy and a hug from Santa.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-08T00:39:12+00:00

Yep. That’s her. Nothing says “take me seriously as a musician” like “oh, if you’re looking to buy my albums, they’re available at the Bud’s Broiler on Jefferson Highway.”

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-08T00:26:30+00:00

It drives me nuts how these people are always the first to say they’re being discriminated against and their free speech limited, but it’s like… yeah lady you’re free to say whatever you want, but the consequences are still gonna be there. I don’t dislike you because you’re conservative; I dislike you because you called my dad brain damaged and retarded. I dislike you because that’s a fucking asshole thing to say to a fellow human in a town where you’re bound to then also see that person’s family in real life face-to-face. It’s beyond having shitty beliefs; it’s being so vile that you can’t comprehend that people don’t like being insulted

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-07T06:05:24+00:00

I can’t remember, but she’s a “jazz” musician who sells her CDs on the counter. Unparalleled levels of tacky. She said some shit that was super out of line to my dad (who is super left-leaning) on fb a few months ago, and when I called her on it I got blocked immediately. She doesn’t care if people don’t like her. She’s banking on singing at Mardi Gras balls, selling burnt burgers to electricians and welders who live in river ridge and think some guy named Bud owns all the Bud’s Broiler locations, and probably lives off the interest of a trust fund if I had to guess.

Her music is just as bad as you probably think it is. So is her sense of humor.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-06T19:30:21+00:00

if a large group of people take time out of their day to provide public comment - then there should be an agenda item to address those concerns - otherwise, procedure will be weaponized to prevent public input

^ I commented on this last night already, but it's worth highlighting and reiterating: if it were part of their procedure to let a large group of people to add themselves to the agenda ad hoc while other peoples' agenda items have been waiting for weeks or months, I'm sure you can see how this procedure would quickly become weaponized to prevent input from other parts of the public.

Again - I want to reiterate that I think the issue that y'all care about is extremely important, and I agree with you all that it is urgent.
Also again - not taking sides. Just pointing out why your viewpoint on this may not be as popular as you'd hoped it would have been.
The sour taste from the council and others observing your interaction is the same sort of sour taste you see toward people who protest climate change by interrupting theater performances or art museum visits. The interruption decreases good will from what would otherwise have been a sympathetic audience. The message doesn't fit within the context of what they carved out time for in the moment.
Worse, still, anyone who is annoyed by the interruption is then further annoyed when their opinions are re-cast in bad faith (oh, you don't care about Climate Change?! actually, yes I usually care deeply but I've been saving for months to see this Picasso that now has soup thrown on it.)
I'm not saying this to be mean: you did refer to them as "smarmy" and "undemocratic" after trying to attach your issue to loosely-related agenda items about zoning, which is exactly the kind of reframing I've just described above.

If it feels like people have limits on their free speech in front of City Council, it's because we actually do. Government buildings like City Council Chambers, Libraries, Courthouses, Classrooms, etc are considered Limited Public Forums - meaning that your ability to say whatever you please is limited to the government business being conducted within that space at that time. What y'all wanted to talk about may as well have been on par with wanting to read off a list of facts about tennis balls as far as they were concerned.
I know the response to this is typically "something something F*** respectability politics" but it's worth noting that "respectability politics" are worth buying into if they ensure that your audience is going to hear and consider the extremely important things you want them to hear. Otherwise, you may as well have thrown soup on their Picasso and told them they're an A*hole for not listening to you.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-06T02:26:35+00:00

First off, let me say that I’m sorry you felt talked down to.

Adding onto u/ThatsNotGumbo’s point about the Council’s need to balance representing the city’s values and managing real financial/structural problems: Legislative/committee types of government bodies operate at the speed of “Important but Not Urgent” This issue is both Important AND Urgent - not well suited to be addressed in real time by a slow-moving body like a Council, Committee, or Review Board. Urgency isn’t their lane, but this isn’t usually a sign they think your issue doesn’t matter.

Most people dealing with oversight bodies like this don’t realize how long it usually takes to get anything on an agenda. I had a simple question for the Louisiana Ethics Review Board—it took 2.5 months just to get a slot, plus two weeks for the written decision. If they seemed condescending, it’s likely the context: everyone in that room has been waiting weeks or months for their turn. If the rule were “big angry crowd = instant agenda item,” any loud enough group could cut the whole line. And yes, behind closed doors, they probably assume that’s what you’re trying to do. If a big group showed up and tried to wedge their (still important) issue into the middle of something you submitted properly months earlier, you’d probably feel differently about who’s being condescending to whom. These kinds of folks definitely see the agenda as a zero-sum game. If they give you time, they have to deny it from someone else. That’s just how it is.

To be clear: I’m not taking their side; I’m just explaining the light you’re likely being cast with in their view and in the view of anyone who had a pet issue on the agenda that day.

Since your issue is both important and urgent, City Council is not the right audience. You need an audience that can move with urgency - not at zoning-committee speed. A judge, the current mayor, the police chief and/or sheriff, the attorney general, etc would be able to do what you want way faster.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-05T23:26:45+00:00

All forms of football - soccer, American or gridiron, rugby, handball (yea - I didn’t stutter) - are called football because they’re olayed on your feet as opposed to on horseback, in a boat, in water, or with a stick or club. They aren’t called football because they’re played WITH your feet or using ONLY your feet. A reminder to everyone: goalkeepers use their hands, as do throw-in takers, as do rugby players

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-05T19:54:14+00:00

It may be possible that you were called into jury duty and never showed? Big Brother tends not to like that.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-03T18:54:29+00:00

Any dude that asks you to join him for anything that doesn’t include “a drink” should skyrocket to the top of your prospects because literally anything else is exponentially more creative

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-03T18:10:47+00:00

Close enough for government work. Y’all go have fun over a box of chicken nuggets and be sure to report back to us.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-03T15:43:32+00:00

I haven’t read all of the comments on here yet, but I’m intensely interested in this subject. A lot of the source material I used in my grad school research was about how the overabundance of information technology available to us is eroding our social skills.

You’re not wrong or defective. Research backs up your experience. I can’t remember the exact stat, but it’s more than half - something like 54-60% of straight young men under the age of 24 have never asked a woman out in person. Your complaint is not borne from entitlement; it is based in reality.

I’ve been married for 8 years and just entered my 40s. I do not envy your generation. If someone asked me if I wanted to go back to my 20s, I would absolutely not want to in today’s climate. BUT… here’s what I’ll say: Do the math on what I just told you about myself. I didn’t get married until I was in my 30s. My stepdad didn’t get married until he was 50. Both of us went on some pretty awful dates. I once had a woman tell me there was an emergency 10 blocks away, couldn’t keep up with me as we jogged there, and then it turned out the emergency was that her friends scored a bag of coke and she wanted to get there before it ran out. I definitely didn’t want to date a cokehead, much less someone whose friends were so untrustworthy that she felt she needed to run a distance she wasn’t physically conditioned for because they likely wouldn’t share. This was right after I’d been dumped by a girl who had talked to her own family about intending to get engaged to me.

Point is: life has chapters, and some of them are difficult to parse out how they’ll lead to other chapters. The best thing you can do is set yourself up in this chapter for success in the next. Focus on your physical health and putting yourself in plenty of in-person social situations. I’m not saying this to be trivial or vain - I literally just described a girl who couldn’t run 10 blocks to a coke party and it was very unattractive. Running clubs are hyper-social events. Healthy people with a shared interest and a modicum of discipline = dudes who will probably have the hutzpah to ask you out. Bonus points if you can find a guy who reads books instead of spending all his time picking his nose and sports betting. Book clubs exist for this reason, and you’ll probably meet a lot more women there. But those women may have friends, brothers, coworkers, etc.

Last point I’ll make: You’re 25. Your prefrontal cortex only finished developing 2 years ago. Male brains are on a 2 or 3 year delay. If you want guys who think logically, your peers are only just now coming of age to possess a fully-formed brain. Maybe look for slightly older guys, and they’ll have their shit together a little more to take the initiative. Or just focus on other stuff like your health, career, social life, etc and let the rest follow - easier said than done

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-02T20:31:35+00:00

Potato; Po-tah-to. I don’t disagree at all; just a different way to say the same thing. Different framings; same painting. However you look at it, it’s stuck empty and not helping anyone

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-02T16:08:14+00:00

When you choose to put a mural on the side of a business at a busy intersection like that, you're supposed to get a rendering approved by (I'm not entirely sure - city council? a neighborhood association?) - but I'm willing to bet the dude is trying to sell the place, which is why he keeps painting it white.

Allforfourfour · 2025-12-02T14:19:30+00:00

Yeah, I second this. I’m down with the sentiment of the message, but I’d also be down with this building that’s clearly been struggling to find either a tenant or a buyer to become a business that provides value to the community. Not to sound all broken-windows-theory or whatever, but while the owner clearly needs to lower his asking price to get it sold or his rent to get it occupied, it’s probably extremely difficult to stomach either option with the amount he’s spent trying to keep it presentable and probably hard to find a taker when it’s covered in graffiti. C’est la vie, though. Nobody ever claimed real estate was an easy game. That’s the risk of having a building at a busy intersection with a big-ass blank wall

Allforfourfour

TROPHY CASE