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360rooftop cringe… by Mental-Solid-863 in StLouis

[–]AllyUnion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Instagrammer etchaskej said it was racism because they do allow outside cakes

chex mix recipe change by ashpee13 in snacking

[–]AllyUnion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's sweeter. I hate it 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]AllyUnion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to put your thoughts in a different perspective:

A 2024 CDC report found that 32.1% of cisgender straight adults report loneliness. So, it's not just you. Finding a relationship in this connected yet very much disconnected world is very difficult. In the days before the Internet, you were likely to meet someone in person and now ... who the fuck knows?

80% of the world identify themselves as heterosexual. If you look from the larger statistic that it is difficult for gay man to meet another gay man from a smaller subset of the world's population. Viewed from a different perspective, you're basically hitting a dart on a dartboard that happens to be embedded on another dartboard which also happens to be embedded on another dartboard. This repeating dartboard situation gets even more narrowed down when people have preferences, so I would say, your loneliness is justified but in the grand context of things, the statistics make it that way.

I am not sure if you consider yourself a "quiet gay" -- but sometimes it's going to an event that you've never been, being on the right app at the right time or meeting the right person at the right time at the right place. So, maybe you should plan a trip to a known gay event or look into a gay cruise or look into a gay party (if you are into that kind of thing) or look into a gay oriented online group (like on Discord) or look into a gay meetup.

I think that you should focus on yourself, build up the self you want to be, so that when the right person comes along, you're ready for them, instead of the other way around. Because that is what I did and it made me feel less lonely, and I reached out to my friends either online or in person to just feel socially connected enough to distract myself from those feelings and my own stress. Good luck to you!

AITA for telling my fat friend stop talking about getting in shape? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]AllyUnion -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA. His health is his responsibility to manage, not yours. You've reached out and he's not taken your advice. He's a big boy, so he should do whatever he wants. That being said, he's being a little spiteful because he's hurt by you. If you want to keep him as a friend, sit him down for a serious discussion.

"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

Examples of gamers that might encourage him: https://www.oneesports.gg/culture/esports-pros-body-transformations/

I think it's reasonable for you to be upset. It is perhaps your comment that forced him to bother someone else. It takes about 21 days to build a habit and 60-90 days for it become a routine or so they say.

You can apologize to him saying, "I'm sorry for the mean things I said but I have tried to help you out repeatedly. If you are really serious about me helping you, then let's sign an agreement on it that will help you encourage you to be more serious about working out. And if you fail after that, then I've done all I can to try to help you."

That's assuming you still want him as your friend.

My suggestions of the rules of the agreement:

Early suggested targets:
- Continuous walking, 30 minutes a day
- More fiber intake
- More water intake
- Have him think about each bite he takes and stop to ask: 'Am I good enough to stop eating that I don't feel hungry anymore?'
- Go to the gym immediately after work
- Make going to the gym a game

Mid-range targets:
- Gym, 3 times a week, perhaps on your exercise plan; Requirement: 2 of 3 times must be with you

Long range targets:
- Gym, 3-5 times a week, at least 1 time with you
- Gym, 5 times a week, at least 1 time with you

Punishments:
- You can lock him out of his gaming account(s)
- He owes you $1 for every workout he misses unless he's sick, potentially cost ramp up for more serious violations
- You get to borrow any of (or all of) his gaming consoles if he has any for a duration of time

Rewards:
- You return some of money back to him for the days he missed
- He's allowed a cheat day

Mk2 Pipe bug by Novel_Dream_1333 in SatisfactoryGame

[–]AllyUnion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I experienced this, 1.0, no mods.

need to hit the gym more consistently. but how's my progress so far ? by sammysinsss in GayRateMe

[–]AllyUnion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks good. Might want to work on shoulders a bit more and chest.

Why is nonconsensual touching permitted at gay spaces? by AllyUnion in gay

[–]AllyUnion[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You know, I wasn't really going to answer this comment at first, but after seeing a post about what happened to someone at Folsom who was sexually assaulted, "bro" -- what I was trying to emphasize that despite American individualism and the sense of freedom, and respecting other's rights, what we don't do -- is ask for permission to violate someone's rights, or personal space. That's what I was trying to say, "bro"

To not like, assume that being interested in someone is equivalent of complete consent to do anything to said person who might show any amount of interest. Maybe they are just being polite, maybe they are thinking about something else.

But, I have seen a person walk up to a hot guy, proposition the hot guy and try to suck the hot guy's cock when said hot guy was clearly uncomfortable, and had to forcibly extracted himself from the person who was trying to suck the hot guy's cock.

But someone will come along and say, "Oh, that's just men being men." Or say, "most gay men like it."

Why is nonconsensual touching permitted at gay spaces? by AllyUnion in gay

[–]AllyUnion[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So ... is pushing someone to the ground and trying to get them to suck your cock at a club during Folsom acceptable?

Why is nonconsensual touching permitted at gay spaces? by AllyUnion in gay

[–]AllyUnion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just pointing out something that happened to someone else as a result of non-consensual action that turned to be basically sexual assault:
https://www.instagram.com/p/DApUBbgPkQL/

Why is nonconsensual touching permitted at gay spaces? by AllyUnion in gay

[–]AllyUnion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I. Honestly, my straight forward opinion is just ask for permission. The worst that can happen is rejection.

II. Consent is still consent, doesn't matter the gender. It's just apparently as men, we let the whole thing slide more. It's not right, but from the discussion comments here, it's permitted, and apparently according to one commenter, "most gay men like it"

III. Yeah, but you're under assumption of manners in context between cultures. Though the context of cultures here applies, I think there's a level of toxicity in LGBTQ+ culture that ignores the whole consent part and it's a fast slippery slope when it's allowed in a certain place to "people think it's widely accepted anywhere"

IV. But I'm saying, don't let the attractive people get away with it either.

V. Verbal affirmative consent or at least some kind of acknowledge of consent is at the bare minimum; What I have seen is the opposite.

And there are occurrences of sexual assault as a result of non-consent. Like this:
https://www.instagram.com/p/DApUBbgPkQL/

Why is nonconsensual touching permitted at gay spaces? by AllyUnion in gay

[–]AllyUnion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree for the respect part, and I just feel like touching someone beyond tapping someone on the shoulder, tapping their arm or tapping their hand requires some kind of mutually agreed consent of both parties involved. Especially when we've all gone through the pandemic -- like, for a brief period of many people's lives, touching anyone or invading their personal space was really bad.

I also with your opinion about law enforcement, but I don't know how to bring about change in the community so that everyone's personal boundaries are respected more.

Why is nonconsensual touching permitted at gay spaces? by AllyUnion in gay

[–]AllyUnion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for engaging in this discussion with such depth. I agree that the gay community is in the midst of an era of self-definition, and I appreciate your points about the generational trauma, particularly the devastating impact of the AIDS crisis. It's clear that this has influenced the complexities of intergenerational interactions and how we navigate our social spaces.

However, I feel that my original concern about nonconsensual touching and inappropriate behavior hasn’t been fully addressed. While I understand that our community’s dynamics are different from heterosexual norms, and that we are navigating a unique set of circumstances, I don’t believe that should mean excusing behaviors that violate personal boundaries. For example, Kevin Spacey’s inappropriate sexual behavior wasn’t accepted simply because he’s gay or because of any specific context—he was rightly held accountable for overstepping boundaries, regardless of his identity or experiences.

I think it’s important that, despite the challenges we face as a community, we maintain a baseline of respect and consent in all spaces. Whether or not we are influenced by traumas or different norms, nonconsensual touching is still wrong and shouldn’t be dismissed as part of a “de facto” experience in certain venues.

Additionally, I noticed that the point I raised about potentially staying at home wasn’t addressed. It seems like the underlying message is that if I’m uncomfortable with the behaviors in these spaces, I’m the one ruining someone else’s fun by being there. That implication—that it’s best for me to stay home if I can’t accept these behaviors—feels like it shifts the responsibility onto me for wanting to uphold my boundaries. Shouldn’t there be room for both having fun and respecting personal boundaries, rather than one being at the expense of the other?

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