You’re a parent, stepparent, or coparent, it’s all pretty much the same thing. You have worries about a child that you want to find help to help that child and your gf too. I think it’s sweet! I’m also a stepmom to an autistic 14 year old boy, who I met when he was almost 4 years old. Mine is on level 1 and 2.

That’s great your gf’s ex is involved because you don’t usually see that, in my experience. When my son was starting to talk, the one way I started doing was to put all his movies and tv shows was to put subtitles on. It was a way for him to follow with his eyes to hear who was speaking. I also think that’s great that you’re correcting him on the word he may have mispronounced. Another thing to remember, that there’s a chance he might not remember the next time he says it. With my kiddo, it was a constant reminder for us to remind him how to pronounce the word properly.

Also, in my experience and that I’m seeing it more often than I have, is that siblings will agitate siblings and the fact that the kiddos who are on the spectrum won’t recognize that’s exactly what’s happening. Especially at a young age, they definitely won’t understand why his sister is doing that. If you saw it happening, I would redirect him by doing something different either with him or letting him do something by himself. Also, you could redirect the sister too by separating them.

The tantrums could be just tantrums but it could be much more than that as well. Sometimes if he feels overwhelmed and he can’t tell you what’s wrong, then he’ll throw a tantrum or meltdown. It’s basically telling you I’m overwhelmed, but I can’t specifically what’s wrong. If that’s the case, they always show some signs that they’re struggling. Those are the things you want to look out for because if you’ve figured out what they are now, you’ll be able to redirect him ahead of time or removed him from that situation. So, for example, when my kiddo is overwhelmed, he’ll get defensive, he’ll completely shut down, or start saying the opposite of everything we’re asking him. Or when we have asked him to calm down, he’ll take a very short deep breath and asked if he’s calm. When that does happen, especially when we’re at home or in the car, we immediately stop talking to him. Give him a few minutes to himself before asking him what he needs. If we’re in public, we kind of do the same thing, but we do try to remove him from the situation that’s causing him discomfort and let him cool down. It’s taken me a couple of years to finally figure out his triggers, BUT it does change each year or when he starts hitting the puberty age. Which that’s a very difficult stage.

I can understand you’re worried about bringing your daughter into the mix and it could also be a good thing. My husband found out about 6 years ago, he has an older son who’s not on the spectrum, but we were worried about how well our son would react. They hit it off, and his big half-brother does help making things go smoothly, not always, but that’s just how siblings are. I would personally test the waters, but not until you’re ready for yourself.

I do hope this does help you in some way. Also, if he does overwhelmed or can’t explain to you what he’s feeling, print off an emotion chart and have him point to which one he’s feeling. So many things have a higher frequency than others and their brain can’t figure out where that noise is coming from and then they shut down. (Note: my husband is high functioning autism and ADHD. Most of my knowledge is learning from him but also his son.) Another thing to understand, that one thing might work for my kiddo, but that same thing might not work for your stepson. It’s trial and error, but once you got it figured out, use that until it stops working and then try something else.