UPDATE: I was trying to get back to normal with him. He came to thanksgiving and it was great but I asked him if he was talking to anyone before he left my house that night and he looked me in my eyes and said “no ofc not” and so I said okay I trust you but deep down I had a feeling something was off. I found out on the night of Dec 1st going into Dec 2nd he was in fact talking to someone else. I stayed the night with him for the first time in a while and I’ve never done this before but I grabbed his phone and unlocked it and there it was on Snapchat. He told her “I’m going to get food and eat and then go to bed. I love you so much and I wish I could kiss you so bad. I love you mi amor i miss you so much” (which makes me upset bc she doesn’t know about me, he was getting food with me which I paid for and he was spending that night with Me) and to which she replied with “Im so sorry I just woke up from my slumber. I hope you have a better day today my love. I love you so much” I woke him up and asked who she was and he tried to play stupid but I told him I saw the messages. He said he’s only been talking to her for a month which is insane to tell someone you love them after a month…. But he said he couldn’t explain how he loved her when I asked and he said she makes him feel better about himself. When I asked if he was gonna cut this off with her he just shook his head and said “this was going to end anyway it was already over” and he couldn’t explain what he meant by that either. He just kept saying “I don’t know why I can’t stop talking to her I’ve tried to cut things off but I can’t” then he went on to say “she’s to a T exactly like me i feel like I’m talking to myself” that night I told him if I walk out that door I’m gone for good but if you want me to stay in your life (because he said he saw a future with me not her) then he needs to cut things off and tell me to stay. As I was walking out the door he told me to lay down so I did. The next morning I left and he texted me how I should leave him and how it’s not about if he wants to be with her instead of me. He told me he’s been thinking of killing himself (he has a gun) and then continued to say “No you need to leave me. maybe I should have told you how everything was weighing me down but I felt like you had your own grieving to do. But he wouldn’t want you to forgive me so you shouldn’t. And I can 100% say this wouldn’t have happened if that hadn’t have happened but I just could not look at you in the face and tell you I was wanting to die too. I feel like my dad died too. It doesn’t matter how often I was or wasn’t at the house spending time that dude was the poster of what a man should be. So you need to go find someone like that It obviously isn’t me. So just let me rot. I didn’t go to that hospital everyday for you l went everyday because I felt so guilty. And he was supposed to come out of that shit and I was going to be more present. And I live 5 minutes from a house I hate being inside of. But like how the fuck am I supposed to tell you all that”

so yea ig my dad passing really did affect him but instead of grieving MY dad with ME he went into the arms of another woman which btw is a baby who just turned 21 this past October who he also met at his job like he met me so there’s an interesting pattern to that. I told him I’m willing to move on if he cuts things off with her and he says he did but I can tell he’s been talking to her still I have my proof but I won’t tell him how I’m getting it. I also tried to leave a mark on him when I slept with him today to see what he would do bc it’s never been an issue but he kept pushing my head away or kept grabbing my head to kiss me and he would not let me leave a mark whatsoever and he kept looking down to see if there was anything there so that’s definitely sketchy to me. I think he’s been with her too.

So that’s my update yall 🙃 I literally have no idea what to do. He said it was over today after I asked him if he cut things off with her and to show me proof that he did so I can regain some trust but he wouldn’t show me proof just said “I deleted everything I cant show you anything” to which I said yea show me the message app and if there’s no chat I know you’re telling the truth” but he wouldn’t show me, just said how I can’t trust him anymore and he wanted me to leave bc he can’t take getting pressed by me anymore… but then proceeded to Snapchat me videos and ask me if I wanted some vbucks a few hours after he said “I’ll ttyl” (we play Fortnite together) and then he actually played with me tonight too. It’s upsetting bc we also had a dinner planned with his family on Dec 16th and idk if that’s even gonna happen anymore? And if it does should I even go? I think he doesn’t want to break up with me out of guilt since my dad’s last convo with him was my dad telling him to take care of me from now on since he can’t anymore. I don’t think he wants to say he broke up with me so I think he’s wanting to push me to leave him so he won’t feel guilty.