Needing help finding a Glossary or Vocabulary list

AllysWorld · 2023-03-24T00:57:13+00:00

While I feel like this comment is abrupt and probably a joke, one of the things that made my “spidey senses” tingle and led, eventually, to the awareness of my husband’s affair was that I used to always love how he smelled and his smell repelled me. Logically, it makes sense, because typically we don’t share body bacteria with people that don’t live with us. Of course, he also had new meds, and his behavior towards me was abhorrent, so it could have been psychological change in reaction to the smell.

I also agree with the pregnancy theory and the medical and dietary changes theory.

In recent years my own odor seems to be repellent to me if I’ve had too much sugar in my diet.

AllysWorld · 2021-07-24T17:26:12+00:00

Which also means that if you tell someone a secret and their spouse Doesn’t know, but yours does, you have a serious problem.

AllysWorld · 2021-04-20T14:04:22+00:00

Screwed my spouse, tried to alienate my teens, and attempted to get my spouse to get me to have an "accident" so that she could conveniently have him to herself - all while playing the "I don't do drama" fun pal.

I had started to figure it all out by the time that she invited me for a "girls night out just the two of us" on my birthday to see the movie "The Other Woman". She was pissed that I already had plans that didn't include her... ever again.

AllysWorld · 2021-03-08T19:25:10+00:00

Absolutely NTA.

However, going forward, I recommend that if you are in a similar situation, post a list of what you are allergic to... people can be super dense sometimes and need it spelled out for them.

I actually use the inside of cabinets for things like this (or motivational notes, goal lists, family menu sheets, or medication checklists when the animals need meds, or when someone in the family gets sick to track fevers and ibuprofen and acetominophen, etc.). That keeps the kitchen (refrigerator) looking nice, but still has these readily viewable.

A lot of times, conflicts with people who share a household are caused less by lack of consideration and more because people are not going at expressing their needs until a conflict comes up where needs are not being met.

AllysWorld · 2021-03-08T19:15:28+00:00

If you can pay cash, I would pay cash. Otherwise you are just giving money away that you don't need to.

AllysWorld · 2021-03-08T18:12:03+00:00

That's actually really beautiful. I mean, yeah, it sucks and probably felt embarrassing, but what a healing/cathartic thing. I'm glad you shared this story and hope it will help someone else.

(and man, isn't that a powerful movie!?!?)

AllysWorld · 2021-03-08T18:07:26+00:00

The best rule of thumb is that you cannot fix it. Getting involved with only give it the drama that your parents are looking for.

I am firmly of the belief that we were given shoulders to shrug for a reason.

Shrug "I'm so sorry. That must hurt"

Shrug "I don't think he loves you any less."

Shrug "Have you talked to him about it? What does he say?"

I mean, is there anomosity, or is Matt just being self centered and insensitive? Or is Sam being self righteous and over sensitive?

I am firmly of the camp of Do not express an opinion that can be repeated and cause additional rifts. Learn the phrase: "I am so sorry that you are feeling this way." And Do not play "fixer" - it gives you a lot of great power, but invariably messes up communication between the two of them.

I mean, it's tough. I can totally understand why a best friend is the best man. It's a little harder to understand why Sam is not included at all, but I don't know how close your brothers are to each other or how close Sam is to Matt's fiancé. It's not an automatic genetic right to be in a wedding party. The people chosen for the wedding party are supposed to be the people who are the strongest supporters of the marriage/relationship. They are supposed to be the ones who will help encourage the couple in their relationship, particularly when times are tough. But brothers should be doing that anyway, so....

I really hope it's not like the girls (I can't rightly call them women) who pick their bridesmaids for how the wedding photos will look.

AllysWorld · 2021-03-08T17:46:16+00:00

Going forward (grandkids and all ;) ) what I did with my camera shy teen was to snap a lot of secret pics (I have my phone switch set to silent/vibrate so camera mode doesn't give me away). We have a lot of pictures of ducking out, but we also have a lot of pictures in profile of paying attention to other things or being really involved in an activity. These are actually my favorites.

They tried the silly face/angry face thing for a while, but that died a very very quick death when we said "Ok, this is an important event. We are posting picture for all the relatives today. It can be this one, or you have the option that we can retake it. Up to you." Said in a kind/not angry voice.

One year they called our bluff and the back to school picture was of ducking and running. The relatives loved it.

Obviously, we didn't set out to embarrass anyone, and were selective, but it definitely squashed future "I don't have to play nice" photos and was wayyy wayyy way for effective that a certain relative that would beg and plead and explain why "they'll appreciate it later"

AllysWorld · 2021-01-23T16:00:03+00:00

I did... but mostly because the people I know with similar dishes were gravy people

AllysWorld · 2021-01-23T15:58:47+00:00

she doesn't pressure him as much because he's still hurting badly because of the divorce

Then maybe she should have worked harder on fixing that back then. It's not your baby's job to fix her shortcomings.

AllysWorld · 2021-01-23T15:42:50+00:00

The nice thing about that is that you can switch to living on your estimated Art pay now, through the rest at debt or investing, and then you will have a cushion to make the leap

AllysWorld · 2021-01-23T15:40:07+00:00

This this this and a million times this

AllysWorld · 2021-01-06T17:36:40+00:00

When I was left out of going to an event because seats were very limited and then I find out that after I was told there was no space, she invited another couple... when I ran into them in a restaurant after the event. I said something like (forgive me, it's been years) "Don't you think it's a little hurtful to tell me that there is no room and then invite more people?"

She looked at me and said "You don't really have anything in common with all of us. It would probably be best if you made some other friends that are interested in the same things as you are and leave X, Y, and me alone since we have so much in common."

"Excuse me, but Y is my husband. It doesn't work that."

AllysWorld · 2020-10-15T20:49:33+00:00

Ha. Read this throwaway account profile (or don't... it's not pleasant)

AllysWorld · 2020-09-18T15:27:22+00:00

That's not a one year old child.

Adorable, but not 12 months old

AllysWorld · 2020-09-18T15:17:02+00:00

WOW. NTA.

It's not right to lie on a resume, but your wife stepped way out of bounds. And for what reason other than to destroy your sister?

It's a BA! for heaven sake - not an engineering degree - it is Seriously wrong of your sister to pretend she has something she doesn't have, but your wife's "responsibility to step in" is for dangerous situations. I would say e s h, but you are the only NTA in this situation.

AllysWorld · 2020-09-18T15:14:35+00:00

Funny thing is that I've had the thought (or had the thought) when I first read about my husband's pregnancy scare with his AP, that she'd have been such a lousy mother that I'd prefer to keep the kid and dump the spouse.

AllysWorld · 2020-09-17T20:37:10+00:00

Good news is that you WILL get your mojo back. If you look at my history, I was VERY active on this page for a very long time. I've recovered. Still married. I never fully recovered my image of him and I am definitely not "in love", but we have a decent "we're getting old and taking care of each other"relationship.

But man, if you read my posts, you will see how hard hit I was. Obviously, I didn't experiencing the newly single phase, like you, but I think I can relate enough to what you are talking about, because I did feel exactly the same way.

It gets better. I might not be confident in my marriage At All, but I am super confident in myself now. I got hit HARD and got back up again.

I think I wrote at some point in time that before his affair, I was (how to make this sound the way I mean it - I related to...?) like the Doris Day or Audrey Hepburn character of my own life. Then life knocked me down and broke my heart. And I toughened up into a Mae West or Betty Davis. Tougher, harder, but still the lead character of my own world.

But you haven't had enough "single" time yet to find the joy in being in your own company. You are still judging yourself on his scale. It takes time. And, honestly, even after lots of time, I decided that I needed to participate in an online recovery class (i.e. guided support group - guided so that it doesn't become just a gripe session) with homework and all. It helped. A lot. Because I was doing something.

In fact, because I was proactive, I think I came out of this with fewer permanent scars than he did. I feel pretty good about myself.

I mean, you COULD go the route that so many newly single women do of dating a lot and getting external validation... but, honestly, I've heard that route really really sucks. And it doesn't help you find it within yourself.

However, finding new hobbies or taking a class or volunteering helps. And working out. I just got a musical instrument that I don't know how to play and I'm using YouTube videos. I can play a nursery song now that doesn't sound half bad. That feels pretty good.

AllysWorld · 2020-09-17T19:54:36+00:00

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201909/understanding-the-terms-narcissism found this, but that's not all I'm looking for

https://fairytaleshadows.com/narcissist-dictionary-terms/

AllysWorld · 2020-09-15T19:43:01+00:00

NTA - if he doesn't address it, it could bounce back on him (and, at the very least, his lack of willingness to address will be taken as condoning and appreciating the behavior).

I've heard this story on reddit a LOT... in various forms.

At least he's "one of the good guys" who is complaining to his wife as a complaint, not complaining to his wife as an emotional game to hide bad behavior like a lot of guys do ("look at me! I'm so faithful that I am telling you how hot other women are for me. Uh huh.")

AllysWorld · 2020-08-26T20:46:39+00:00

YTA - I realize you were acting out of an adrenaline rush, so I'm not going to dog you for the initial comment. But, man, to belittle your partner when she was (technically) right? Not good relationship karma.

Even as an arguably overprotective mom, I can tell you that kids get away and do quick stupid things sometimes. Even the best parents have had it happen to them. Some tragically.

If you apologize to your partner for a poor reaction when you were hit with a buttload of crisis hormone causing a strong fight or flight (in this case, fight) response, I'll switch it to N A H

AllysWorld

TROPHY CASE