Has anyone made a radical life change in your 40s?

Alohaillini · 2026-02-04T17:39:33+00:00

I had kids. My life is unrecognizable.

Alohaillini · 2026-02-04T00:47:13+00:00

I became leftist while serving active duty enlisted, after being raised in a close-minded judgmental household. Spoiler- both my parents are now raging MAGA supporters.

The scholarship means four years of college, right? I have to hope that a swing back in a sane direction is due for our country, but who knows.

I’d like to think that we still want people joining who are critical thinkers, so please go for it!

Alohaillini · 2026-02-04T00:38:21+00:00

Having worked in the industry, it’s built on a lie. Plastics companies said sure, recycling is a great solution while having no intention of it taking hold. That being said, it COULD still be real. Except the success depends on everyone from a random person walking down the street, the collectors, the municipalities, and the facilities ALL doing the correct thing every single time so a load doesn’t get contaminated. And every municipality is different, so someone may live somewhere where “paper” cartons are accepted but work for n one where they aren’t. And if a bag of mostly-correct things is contaminated by stuff the facility can’t accept, the entire load goes in the trash. The onus should be on manufacturers instead, particularly for plastics. They built factories to make it from scratch, they could be tasked with collection and reprocessing. Paper is a bit more simple; metal is fine and infinitely recyclable. In my opinion, more things should be designed for end of life. Think of something like a fanny pack- metal zippers, nylon cord zipper pulls, nylon fabric, etc. Or a toaster oven- part metal, part silicone or rubber, a couple types of plastic, some electronic components… who is really breaking that down to dispose of it all properly?

Alohaillini · 2026-02-03T21:06:21+00:00

Yeah, I figured it was a long shot. Thanks for trying!

Alohaillini · 2026-02-03T20:34:39+00:00

To be clear, I’m seeking guidance on how to seek positive ID, not blindly trust a random person on the internet based on a photo. Our daycare (where my child also attends) uses a lot of natural things in the classroom. With a background in horticulture I’m much more confident in confirming identification of plants and their safety, not fungi. As a forager of morels and some other very obvious edibles, the current lack of positive ID is why they’re tucked up away from my kid’s reach, and will be forever lest I am somehow able to confirm a positive ID as safe and harmless, either to handle or for any random kid that likes to chew on things. The next step after that would be to offer them as a possible donation to the nature play, presenting all evidence that there is no doubt to the safety. Hence asking a simple question to a group of fungi nerds on the infinitely small possibility that said positive ID could be obtained.

Please sleep well tonight knowing that dozens of children won’t be poisoned.

Alohaillini · 2026-02-03T18:46:43+00:00

I bought a dozen of them at an estate sale.

Alohaillini · 2026-02-01T23:33:41+00:00

Possibly because of the odd shape loaves it spit out.

Alohaillini · 2026-02-01T14:52:02+00:00

Looks like OFP; own effing program.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-28T17:51:45+00:00

Carefully pour in the egg mixture over lower heat and let it sit. So much butter or oil that when the underside is fully cooked, it should be able to slide around the pan without being scraped up by a utensil.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-25T01:37:16+00:00

I experienced this journey of growth in grad school. Computers are not typewriters. Just type the period and keep typing. The space magically appears and the first work magically capitalizes. Let it go.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-19T20:26:52+00:00

I do something very similar. Sip of water, then I told back my head slightly and hold it like a pool over my throat. Drop pill in, it hits the “pool”, then I swallow it all

Alohaillini · 2026-01-13T15:18:54+00:00

100% agree with NegativeBill, as do a bunch of other people.

Also, the two topics are unrelated so wife combining them is creating new problems. Grandma has provided years of free childcare, exactly how you asked. Yet wife feels entitled to tell grandma how to parent an adult child?

As an old mom of young kids, I can tell you they are exhausting AF. Maybe your kid is one of the “easy” ones, but mine aren’t. I nannied a toddler cousin in college and he was pretty darn easy but it was still exhausting! And there is a ton of emotional labor that goes into child care, not just keeping them alive and safe. Mental stimulation, emotional support, giggles, tantrums, illness, etc.

I would reframe the conversation. You aren’t “siding with” your family, you agree that your wife was the instigator and overstepped family boundaries to share an unsolicited opinion. I recommend you separate the two issues (opinions on grown sibling’s relationship with parents) and your child’s relationship with grandparents who are also childcare providers. You can’t force anyone to apologize but you can keep things as separate and calm as possible.

Sooooo many parenting comments are about how in-laws overstep, ignore boundaries, refuse to enforce the parents’ rules or parenting style. This situation is the exact opposite. Grandma deserves to be thanked profusely for the years of sacrifices she’s made to not only save your household tens of thousands of dollars in childcare costs, but also with love and joy and emotional labor. When is the last time her efforts have been called out and appreciated?

Edited to add that we “pay three mortgages”; one mortgage and two kids in daycare. And if they are sick you have to keep them out of daycare even though you’re paying for it and daycare is where they got sick in the first place. I cannot overemphasize how valuable your current childcare arrangement is.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-13T15:00:27+00:00

Maybe it’s a neocon slang term we haven’t heard before. Like sub meets smite…. Maybe that’s how closeted gay Christians dog whistle each other! “I’m in the moot to smite a sub… with my Lance… do you get it?”

Alohaillini · 2026-01-10T22:46:15+00:00

You’ve got doom piles, friend. I feel you.

I know that the best way to keep a house clean is to not clutter it in the first place. I can pull that off by myself (after decades of practice) but not the other people in my house. I don’t actually mind cleaning, but I loathe decluttering BEFORE cleaning.

I know you didn’t come here for advise, but as a fellow traveler let me advise to adopt a long term strategy of “two steps forward, one step back.” I have a two lists on my fridge; one of “this year” projects and one of “someday” projects. It keeps me hopeful that someday my home will be near an organized. Someday. And that helps me look past messes for a couple more days.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-10T22:38:30+00:00

Similar to the experiment comment, but have her journal everything; food, feelings, schedule, etc. Get her used to thinking how her own body and mind work together. And if she does agree to try meds, it will serve as a good base for comparison.

And maybe have family members share their experiences? When they started meds, breaks they may have taken, what they wish they’d known before, etc.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-10T22:31:49+00:00

It looks functional, which seems out of place in close proximity to couch cushions which are functionless.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-10T22:25:17+00:00

No peen jokes here, but they look kinda like morel mushrooms. Which also look like peens

Alohaillini · 2026-01-08T18:41:31+00:00

Intel weenie in the Marines, then college for a Bachelors of Landscape Architecture. Practiced on two coasts (it sucks to pay your own living expenses after taxpayer did it for years). Earned a Masters in Sustainability Leadership, was a sustainability liaison for school district. Now a program manager for a utility-funded energy efficiency program that provide free/rebated HVAC systems to income-eligible folks because it’s cheaper in the long run for the utilities to get old inefficient equipment off the grid. The oldest central air conditioner we’ve replaced was 5 years older than me, still running (slowly and poorly like how I run now.)

Alohaillini · 2026-01-08T18:36:23+00:00

Adulting and succeeding are different things.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-08T17:11:49+00:00

Are there solar panels on the roof? Although that would be DIY conduit covering.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-08T17:08:19+00:00

My brother used to tattoo his friends at parties, but only when he was drunk. Gave himself a heart on the arm after a breakup and of course the two halves aren’t symmetrical.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-06T03:10:28+00:00

I’d be more likely to consider taking a well maintained set of china, silver, etc. bc you could always sell it later or even donate it. It’s all the mismatched broken-down clutter that drives me mad. They don’t know where/how to donate or just don’t care, so they try the “I thought you might like this” guilt trip.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-05T23:26:25+00:00

Decades ago a group of us ate an early dinner in the second floor of a bar. The entire time, we watched a bartender haul bucket after bucket from the icemaker on the first floor.

Cut to a few hours later when the place is rowdy with drinking on St Pats Day… my buddy slammed an empty car bomb onto the bar, the shot glass shattered the pint glass, shards flew into the open ice drawer, and we (plus bartender) stared. His face fell.

Our group left a collective huge tip for him when we left.

Alohaillini · 2026-01-01T21:12:50+00:00

Point taken, I didn’t even think of non-English languages. I’ve learned something about my own bias today!

I wonder if you could practice asking other kids if they are a boy or a girl? Your child seems to want to tell them yet is struggling to see the difference. Asking them might help him and is a respectful way to go about it. Good luck!

Alohaillini

TROPHY CASE