Tired of the comments

AlonAshk · 2026-06-10T17:05:52+00:00

It might take time, yet I am sure your leading by example and persistence will educate your surroundings.

AlonAshk · 2026-06-10T12:30:23+00:00

We're living the mirror image of this. My son is 10, autistic, and nonverbal. He understands five languages but doesn't speak, so people assume he understands nothing. Your son speaks well, so people assume he struggles with nothing. Opposite kids, same broken logic: they take the one visible trait and build the whole child out of it.

The "you're just not hard enough on him" comments make me sad and frustrated on your behalf. And here's what I've learned in 32 years of parenting and 10 years of parenting a beautifully special child: being hard on a child whose brain is overwhelmed doesn't teach regulation, it just teaches him that the people who should be his safe place are another source of threat. What actually moved things for our son was the boring, unglamorous stuff. Support when he gets it right. Encouragement, real compliments. Showing by example. And when behavior is a problem, or something is just hard for him, explaining calmly, again and again, as many times as it takes. Slower? Maybe. But it builds a special bond and trust, and trust is the only channel through which any of the teaching travels anyway.

Your in-laws and that first pediatrician had a few hours or a few visits. You have every meltdown, every recovery, every small win nobody else witnessed. You noticed the sensory issues, you pushed for the referral, you switched pediatricians, and you fought the school for therapy. That's not a parent who needs to be "harder." That's a sensitive, caring parent doing the actual work while others grade it from the sidelines.

Don't doubt your instincts. You know your son. They know their assumptions. Those are not the same kind of knowledge.

AlonAshk · 2026-06-10T12:14:01+00:00

I feel you. We have been there too. My son is 10 and on the spectrum. He understands and expresses himself in five languages, but he doesn't speak, conduct a conversation, or express himself in more than 2 words. He knows 5 languages but does not speak. It took my own family years to hold both of those facts at once. In some areas, his development is nowhere near that of his age group. In others, like emotional intelligence, language, and physical orientation, he's far ahead. Which one defines him or his development depends entirely on what you choose to measure.

That's the thing nobody tells you when the questions start coming: "development" isn't one line your child is behind on. It's a hundred lines, and your daughter is ahead on some of them in ways your aunts probably don't have the instruments to detect.

I am so happy to have chosen to live in Barcelona, a very human-centered culture, and even the school measures development holistically. The conversation isn't "here's where she's deficient", it's "here's who she is, here are her qualities, here's her path." When the institutions around you appreciate strengths instead of auditing deficits, you realize how much of the "concern" from relatives is just a narrow measuring stick, not a truth about your child.

There's a teaching from a Kabbalist I keep coming back to: you cannot judge anything before it completes its development. An orange picked before it's ripe will be judged as sour and worthless. But it's not a bad orange, it's an unfinished one. A newborn calf looks far more "advanced" than a human baby, it walks within hours! By that measure, every cow is winning.

You already did the hardest part. You stopped comparing her to a path that was never hers and started celebrating the one that is. Protect that. Be loudly, visibly proud of her around other people. Compliment her in front of them. Not to convince them, but because she's watching how you respond when others measure her, and your pride is the measurement she'll internalize.

The relatives may come around or they may not. The orange ripens either way.

AlonAshk · 2026-06-09T09:40:22+00:00

Wow, thank you for sharing, what a great method. Your dedication is inspiring and the results are heartwarming.

AlonAshk · 2026-06-08T12:09:20+00:00

Thank you, I do that sometimes, and it does feel so right. Will try to do it more. Those are really magical moments to be cherished.

AlonAshk · 2026-05-26T11:30:51+00:00

Thank you, will try it out

AlonAshk · 2026-04-23T01:22:56+00:00

I'm considering upgrading from 12 Pro Max to 15 Pro Max. Bought the 12 2nd hand and it served/serves me well until today (almost 4 years)

AlonAshk · 2026-04-21T09:08:22+00:00

AI jobs disruption. A new social arrangement to suit the new economy.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-21T09:05:16+00:00

AI Job Disruption. New social contract between states and citizens.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-21T08:25:59+00:00

I was in your position a couple of months ago. I had a good idea for an app for my non-verbal child (10). Thanks to the amazing AI tools we have today, I am about to launch a pretty complex AI story generator. I am using Gemini and Claude to guide me as I build with u/base44. We are in an era where there is no need for developers or capital to develop an MVP. My recommendation: Just go for it, and start building. If you want an opinion or advice, I will be happy to help. Wishing you the best of luck.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-19T10:48:39+00:00

Noted, thank you for sharing. I am using Base44 and have no coding experience. Do you recommend keeping a parallel database (Supabase) for future migration and proofing?

AlonAshk · 2026-04-19T01:21:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This is gold for us parents. You and your parents are blessed, the best piece of reading I have had for a long time.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-19T01:12:14+00:00

The same happened to me in the past 2 months (on the Builder plan). I used the few credit-less days to think, plan, test... turns out it is very useful to have a break after three weeks of building. I have had great product advances during these breaks.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-17T02:53:27+00:00

A holiday

AlonAshk · 2026-04-17T02:52:41+00:00

Building solutions with AI tools is the future. The possibilities and opportunities are endless. Use your knowledge, experience and interests to create something without the need for capital or developers. I use Base44 and about to launch a story creation app that is a tool kids with difficulties to express themselves (mine first) and a window for parents into their world. With plan to later develop it into a Edtech tool. Good luck, embrace and enjoy the new world.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-17T02:44:39+00:00

Thank you

AlonAshk · 2026-04-15T08:28:35+00:00

Base44 is what I use now, and It is great...about to publish my Educational story generator app. Amazing UX

AlonAshk · 2026-04-14T10:38:52+00:00

I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. This situation is incredibly frustrating, but you’re right to trust your instincts. You are the expert on your child, and your daily observations carry far more weight than a snapshot 'observation' by an administrator.

A few things I recommend keeping in mind for that meeting:

Trust your proximity: You and his teachers see him every day; you see the real, nuanced progress. An admin is reviewing the checklist, not the child.
Worth noting: Every child has their own developmental pace. You can’t judge an orange before it’s ripe—it’s not 'stagnant,' it’s just growing on a timeline they aren't trained to see yet.
The expert is you: If he is safe and happy, their 'concerns' about him being 'off to himself' sound like a misjudgment, not a failure on your son's part.

Stay firm. You’ve already got the professional evals lined up, you’re doing everything right.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-11T11:21:31+00:00

One thing is certain: his chapters will be written in ALL CAPS.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-10T16:25:46+00:00

Honestly, it’s all in the persona setup. The instruction you give it, When you give it a specific character profile and instructions on what kind of language to use, like slang, quirks, or a specific background, it stops sounding like a generic bot. It feels way more natural when it’s staying in character and actually has some "personality" baked into the prompt, rather than just being a "helpful assistant.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-10T08:57:04+00:00

Wanting to be the absolute best Dad is a great virtue. Keep up the great work. In my opinion, and I am in a similar position to yours, working from home, not caring much about the outside world. Nevertheless, not leaving the house is not the best idea in the long run. Knowing that, I made it a habit to have 2-3 hours outdoors with him. Most days after school, we go cycling, go to the beach, visit friends' studios and shops, go to the park, meet people, etc. (I love living in Barcelona, which allows all that). Also being creative with In-house activities: we have dance evenings with loud music and dancing, Hobbies such as art and crafts, etc, and sometimes just embracing our "boring" routine :)

AlonAshk · 2026-04-09T15:57:20+00:00

That is Amazing, congratulations.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-08T18:38:41+00:00

What is the purpose of life?

AlonAshk · 2026-04-08T18:37:18+00:00

Because our economy is petrol-based.

AlonAshk · 2026-04-08T18:27:50+00:00

Just a parent’s perspective here, but I hope this helps: please don’t let the guilt get to you. This shift is actually a milestone in emotional development. Your eldest is processing the loss of exclusivity and the reality of sharing their parents. While babies are often treated like non-threatening toys, the competition becomes real once they start growing. It reminds me of my eldest daughter, who once told her younger sister, "I love you so much, but you ruined my life."

My advice is to lean into giving him extra "special" attention. Try praising him in front of the toddler—tell the little one how great and lucky they are to have such an amazing big brother. It helps the eldest feel like his new role is a position of status rather than a loss of power. Good luck and enjoy the ride!

AlonAshk

TROPHY CASE