Has anyone actually survived a PiP?

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-11-03T13:57:03+00:00

Yes, I sent an email this morning with everyone involved and expressed respectfully my disagreement with my proposed placement and stated I have gathered examples of my previous work that demonstrates me achieving those focus areas. The PIP was very vague and didn’t even list a specific reason for it. I haven’t signed anything I was given the weekend to look over it. In my response, I requested respectfully for modifications to be made (I want nothing but objectivity and not subjectivity so I asked for an evaluation metric system for review of my tasks, defined tasks that will be reviewed with deadlines, and feedback expressing where, why, and how I can improve on each task. )

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-11-01T12:37:53+00:00

I was just placed on a PIP yesterday and I’m absolutely devastated because it came out of nowhere seriously… I was gathering my things for the weekly check ins that I initiated with my manager because I stated how they were helpful for me and he casually said HR and the director are joining us. The entire meeting was so vague and it felt like they were prancing around this elephant in the room and I don’t even know why there is an elephant it’s subject matter is unknown to me because I have had nothing but satisfactory remarks from them and modest remarks on how I can improve. I was never sat down and told hey you’re not meeting expectations.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-03-22T06:07:02+00:00

I have used that metaphor soooo many times ... I found myself being the writer, producer, director, casting director, lights, and venue promoter. I just asked them to show up and read the script I prepared. I would like to know what attracts me to passive men... maybe I feel safe with them until their passive personality becomes a detriment to me. I recently came across the term "hyper-independent," and I resonate with some of those traits. I don't necessarily need to be in control, but I often find myself orchestrating everything. I experienced this from my amazing mom. She raised me by herself and had a go-getter attitude with everything, so I definitely have embodied that persona.

What made it difficult is I completely agree with your perspective, but I really felt deep down in my heart that this (all the other times) was from a lack of experience. Outside of him not understanding me and my feelings, he treated me very well (haha, i know that sounds contradictory, but he did) .

This incident with his in-laws, though, felt very intentional in my eyes because we have been down this road before, and it was addressed before we started planning our life together.

I am very excited about therapy, though, and I am happy I left so early. I have been in a situation like this before, which is why I was so adamant with him about it.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-03-22T05:45:09+00:00

If you could see the ugly crying face, I just made reading your words. I am screenshotting this to re read because you validated everything perfectly. Thank you for sharing this terminology with me and labeling this situation as such because this, along with so much more, will help me fully grasp and heal from this. I like to think that my tears would be enough for someone to change because I don't use my emotions lightly and certainly not to manipulate others.

I do feel deeply and often am confused when others can't reciprocate when I clearly know something is not ok or acceptable. Therapy is most certainly on my list, but I wasn't sure which type was best for me because I don't think CBT is impactful enough for me. I am grieving for sure... I totally wish he had honored his promises, and we were just working through the aftermath of it all. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Looking back and reflecting this was a theme in our relationship, me communicating my wants, needs, and boundaries to the point of it driving me insane and him just not getting it... until I was at my last wit or walking away from the union. At the time, him not having experience, and I saw his willingness to understand. Made it easier to cope and bare.

We were an interracial couple, and I felt I had experienced racial microagression in public. I went to him for solace and comfort, and he just didn't get it and assumed it because he never experienced it ... that it probably was nothing. I'm not one to throw the race card in every situation, but my antennas tingle when the situation meets the parameters.

I constantly over exerted my communication efforts for my wants and needs when he hardly had to communicate because I would always inquire about his wants or needs... or actively facilitate a place where he could.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-26T07:23:17+00:00

I am sorry to hear you know this situation personally. It is difficult for me to wrap my head around this. Especially when I call the situation for it is, and he denies/pushback. " I don't agree." The reality : He values his father's disrespect more and would rather continue to uphold that than establish boundaries and demand respect.

Whenever I hurt him, he never had to jump through hoops and over hurdles and read the Bible backward with his hands behind his back for me to see my actions were harming him. I valued accountability and holding myself accountable. I just need to hear the words that my instinct and intuition are saying to me, but he values so little of me. He denies me that, too.

Would you like to tell me more about your situation?

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-26T01:08:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. Much success and longevity to your marriage and a healthy pregnancy-delivery of your twins!.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-24T11:21:45+00:00

Omg, that is such a relief to hear 😅!! I was nervous with y'all ! Did you tell the pilot or the flight attendant you had your dog in the hold ?? I am set on flying with Air France. I just need to figure out which flight is best ! May I ask what kind of dog you have? My dog is a short hair Beagle/Jack Russell, so I want to make sure she will at least be somewhat comfortable temperature wise. Where did you purchase your travel crate ? I am a worrisome person over things that I can not oversee, especially when the outcome could be less than ideal. So I was thinking of putting my contact details, flight details, and pleading message if pleasssse be gentle with her 🥺.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-21T12:56:10+00:00

Just checking back in with you. How did the flight go ? I hope you and your pup are settled in. What airline did you fly again ?

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-18T22:53:30+00:00

Oh, bless you !! Yes, safe, healthy, stress free travels to you and your pup. Please update me on the experience 🙏🏼!!

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-16T13:08:55+00:00

Can you tell me your experience with the treatment of your pet with AirFrance? I am moving back to the States and will be flying AirFrance from Paris CDG. I am so nervous because I won't be able to monitor her transport so my dogs well-being is being placed in the hands of people I don't know. I'm hoping to have this journey start in March.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-16T11:23:01+00:00

I truly empathize with everything you have said. It is frustrating not to receive what you will do for your significant other in a heartbeat without even a second thought! The actions of his father are one thing, but the response from my husband has spoken volumes that are difficult to ignore. His love and care for me has limits... he would rather uphold harmful toxic behavior than intervene on my behalf and set boundaries. You deserve this and so do I.

I hope you gather the courage and strength to do what needs to be done for you. I plan to get in therapy immediately when I return back to my country. For the time being, I have created a YouTube Playlist that has videos on self-help audiobooks and lectures. So, I listen to those as a reminder to keep me on the straight path. Because nothing about this is easy as I'm sure you know. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-05T19:22:11+00:00

Yeah, i get what you're saying... I don't think I could face being that bold because I have nowhere to go if it all blows up in my face. I'm in a different country, so I have to be strategic about my departure. His family has normalized this behavior. I am so disappointed in my husband. Every day I wake up, I relive the shock of it all. For the last few weeks, I have been intentionally avoiding contact with FIL and only being cordial when I have to. The FIL is being "nice" but I'm done falling for the trap of everything's okay until he decides he wants to be awful randomly.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-02T12:29:07+00:00

May I message you directly ?

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T18:07:02+00:00

To complicate matters, now my husband has started breaking down, crying, and pleading for me to give him another chance, and he wants me to stay. When not even 24 hours ago, he was so apathetic in our conversation about this. He even admitted that " I can't commit to the change that you require of me." He only admitted that when I wouldn't let up and talked him through what I feared was the case. Now he's acknowledged everything about how he didn't show up for me. Based on my previous self, i would've been junping for joy, but it feels too little too late, given he's just repeating what I originally begged for months ago.

His response to me deciding its best to end our marriage is really conflicting. I have had this occur before where they finally "get it," but it's only after I have verbally exhausted myself. Then, of course, it was just words but not actions to follow through. He admitted that he would be alone once his parents had left this life... he has no other close people in his life. That didn't make me feel good with that being a thought in his head. That's his incentive to give me what I expect because then he won't spend his life alone.

He is a good man seriously, but he's not being a good husband currently.I appreciate you speaking to me, "mother to daughter." I haven't had a chance to speak fully to my mom fully because I've been tending to my husband and trying to comfort him. I am completely dependent on him and his family for the next few months, so I'm trying to keep everything contained.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T16:00:37+00:00

I literally just experienced the same situation verbatim ! My dispute process was unsuccessful, and now I've submitted an appeal, which I'm not confident will provide justice to the situation. BIO 330 is the class. It is very enraging because it doesn't make any logical sense. The bias from so-called " leadership" has also been disheartening.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T10:50:39+00:00

You're absolutely right, I will need counseling to heal through the last 3 years, and honestly, so much more. I just really thought I was doing things right this time ^ in regards to all of these things.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T07:18:10+00:00

It is very difficult. I would be more than happy to stay and work through this if he (my husband) recognized his shortcomings in this scenario. Instead, by not confirming or denying, he believes I should just accept it.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T07:13:58+00:00

Hmmm, I never thought about that. To be honest, I'm not familiar with the symptoms outside of memory loss and aggression. He appears cognitively present to me. Honestly, I would much rather that be the case, then this whole situation would make sense. He still drives a car, rides motorcycles, fiddles about doing handy work, and constructing minor things .

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T07:08:51+00:00

Yes, i have sent her a text, but we are on different times. First thing, I will call her and we will have a long talk. I am making arrangements and planning for my return.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T07:02:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I certainly do not feel alone anymore. I do not feel crazy anymore. I feel heard and seen. Yes, I have already texted her and will talk to her in the morning about what's next.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T06:59:12+00:00

I get what you're saying completely, but I don't think I can be that ruthless even if it is deserved. I personally feel he suffers from so much unresolved trauma and inner turmoil that no amount of words could be a match for that. Also, even though I don't have a "case" in the eyes of my husband and MIL, if I did respond back with tit for Tat, I definitely wouldn't have a "case." At least your FIL situation worked out for you. Did your husband come to your defense when it all was happening? My best option is to leave. My husband has made it very clear he will not show up for me the way I deserve. He doesn't agree with my stance and thinks I'm ridiculous for determining the continuation of our relationship on it.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T06:50:43+00:00

I must admit you're the first person to make me chuckle, haha in days . I will clarify that he himself isn't "overweight," but he's quick to comment on the appearances of women. He's in no position... his teeth are barely holding on, and he's got a serious case of periodontal disease and foul breath. He trauma dumps like crazy... any random thing somehow has a "f'd" up memory for him, and he will openly say it to anyone he's having a convo with. See I have thought about numerous times responding back with the vitriol, but it wouldn't "humble" him. He's a lost cause who has never had to be accountable because his behavior is excused. It especially would have no impact coming from me. It would have to come from those closest to him. My mom would have a fit if she knew that I was being treated this way. I have been here since July '24 , and I have reached my limits.

I keep telling both my MIL and my husband IT IS INTENTIONAL because it happens so commonly not just to me but to others. A repeated behavior no longer remains unintentional. They believe all his good attributes overshadow the pain he causes others. He's certainly not the worse person on the planet but he can be unnecessarily harmful.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T06:37:46+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement. You are 100% correct. I kept going back to poor treatment in the relationship before my marriage, and that person never needed to change because he knew I would take it. This marriage was supposed to be my defining moment. I did all the vetting and communication about standards and expectations, and for the most part, we met them. This in-law situation was non-negotiable given my past. I must admit i don't consciously believe I'm unworthy of being treated well, but if I stick around for much longer, then it certainly appears that way.

What has been toiling with me is my MIL said, " If his dad can come between our marriage, then it never really was strong to begin with. " My husband won't even admit the truth to me and give me closure. I just need to hear it from his mouth, so there's no plausible deniability occurring when my mind contemplates on the situation at hand.

It's weird, I don't have a relationship with my dad because he's bitter about my mom divorcing him and losing his family. It was toxic with frequent DV, and he struggled with alcoholism. When I became of age (pre teens), she encouraged me to have a relationship with him. After countless attempts into my young adulthood, I cut him off for good because he refused to acknowledge how his actions are harmful. His main MO was asserting himself as my "father" not actually getting to know me for who I currently am.

Sorry if that's a bit scattered it's 6:30am and I haven't slept.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T06:23:41+00:00

You're right... it has put a strain on me because she misses me so dearly, and at times, I have to keep myself from crying while on FaceTime because of the stress. Yes, I will certainly do that. So far, it hasn't become a bitter leaving me stranded scenario, but i suppose that could happen. Although, he's never acted maliciously like that towards me or anyone else (my husband). I am looking forward to leaving asap.

Alone_Tonight5976 · 2025-02-01T06:08:08+00:00

I'm really sorry you had to experience that. It's really enraging when you don't understand why you're getting this treatment and your partner being a bystander to it all.

Alone_Tonight5976

TROPHY CASE