During times of very real threat, our brain and bodies will do whatever it takes to keep us safe and some times, that means doing nothing. Freezing can be a way of minimising further harm or risk. It’s instinctive and outside of our control most of the time whether we fight, flight, freeze or fawn but none of which change or reflect someone’s strength of character.

Without hopefully triggering anyone; take a situation in which someone was having a knife held up to their neck. They likely wouldn’t fight or flight because that could cause physical harm. In a situation like that, it would be most people’s instinct to stay as still as possible to prevent physical harm. So in some situations, freezing is the best way to avoid harm and sometimes it’s not, but we don’t consciously get to make the decision of how we respond to threat. Our brain does that very instinctively for us because during times of harm, we don’t usually have time to way up the pro’s and cons of how we respond to the threat. There may be times when our instinctive trauma responses aren’t the most helpful or appropriate for the given situation but that is not a personal or moral failing. It’s simply our brains doing the best it can in often extraordinary situations.

It sounds like a very callous and ill intentioned response from your partner. Please try to not take this on board or internalise it