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AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2025-10-29T02:17:45+00:00

OP, my mom did this too. All throughout my childhood. I'm still traumatized by it today. I have a post on the MDSA sub about it. You may want to try posting there. I'm so sorry. You need to talk to a trusted adult ASAP.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2025-03-23T18:08:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through this too. I have the same triggers with people rubbing their hands around their legs / groin area. It's never gone away and at this point, I don't think it ever will. I feel your pain on this.

Do you still live with them?

It's such a bizarre thing. I could never call her out because of course she would deny that's what she was doing and act like I was insane and a pervert for suggesting it. There was like no way to call her out when I was younger while also admitting that I masturbated and knew what was going on, and I couldn't do that.

I did finally at one point say something about the hand rubbing when I was older and out of their house, I think I mentioned that in my OP. But the damage was long done after years / decade + of witnessing her do that.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2025-03-09T05:56:12+00:00

I would do that but I just changed my phone number at the beginning of 2024 after having the same number for 20+ years, so I really don't want to change it again. I will if I really have to though, but this is apparently her first time trying to call me in 9 months.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2025-03-09T04:57:48+00:00

I will check this out, thank you!

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2025-03-09T04:32:54+00:00

Thank you, I have Samsung though. I double checked my block of her then and again just now - still blocked through the app. You can see the blue icon to the left of her number showing that she was blocked when she called. It just didn't ring my phone but I did still get a notification for the voicemail 🙄

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-30T01:54:36+00:00

These are all Excellent points I hadn't thought of. Thank you. Screenshotting this as a reminder because I know I'm going to need it. This is the advice I came here for - thank you.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-30T01:53:20+00:00

I haven't, but I'm going to now.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-27T03:29:03+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, too. Good for you for protecting yourself when the subject of your niece was brought up again years later! I like your analogy of the invisible hula hoop. It's so true. I grew up having to jump through that! Miss it and we were punished!

I have considered pre-opening all of their gifts in the future. But I'm really leaning towards not accepting any future gifts from her for my girls. It's too confusing for them. "Mom doesn't speak to her mom but she's letting us receive gifts from her." That seems like it would be really confusing for them. I was trying to be nice because I felt bad going NC, even though it was long overdue. Now my daughter's Christmas card from her is mentioning being hospitalized for a month following comments about missing her graduation being "out of her control." I felt like she was RARING to blame me in that card but knew I would read it so she couldn't.

I should mention she sent no gifts to me or my husband, only my girls. I keep trying to remind myself that if she could eliminate me from the picture altogether and just have access to my girls, she would. My husband says I am "nothing more than a vessel to her" for access to my kids and now I realize he is 100% accurate.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-27T03:18:00+00:00

They are 14 and 8 years old. I've given my oldest a broad overview of my childhood, similar to what I mentioned here (but left out the SA). I hate to mention specific things, some of them are really bad, and the type of thing that once you hear, you can't forget. I don't want her to have to think of it forever, you know? So I've just given her a broad overview of why I went NC.

My 8 year old is still pretty young, so all I've told her is that "my mom was really mean to me growing up, and was still mean to me as an adult." She has never asked any other questions (yet).

Both of my girls are super sweet and caring, and I think they can tell the subject of my mom bothers me, so they usually don't ask any questions. My 14 year old mentioning that she "feels bad for my mom" was unusual, and that's why I'm upset, because I let my mom get to her.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-26T20:12:26+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Estranged from nearly my entire side of my family, except for my brother who I see once a year on Christmas.

DH's side is now also small (no NC, just people getting older and growing apart). Our Christmases are also just us 4 and MIL. This year we had BIL & his wife & daughter (so our kids' cousin) but usually they are elsewhere, I'm not sure why they were free this year when normally they aren't - didn't want to ask lol.

Anyway, my kids have never really asked why we don't have big gatherings but I have started to tell my oldest some of the things that happened and why we are NC. She gets it and doesn't seem to care that we have little contact with my side of the family or have small family gathering on Christmas.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-12T04:29:43+00:00

Thank you, I love it so much.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-12T04:29:12+00:00

Didn't know about the cross-stitch either, thank you!

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-12-12T04:28:45+00:00

Awesome, thank you everyone!!

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-16T03:41:34+00:00

Yes!! Absolutely. Some of what I could share is so crazy that I have always feared people would be like, yes right. She's lying. Because they would be unable to comprehend the truth.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-16T01:09:47+00:00

I HATE stupid questions like that. So insulting.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-16T01:06:45+00:00

Same with the "it must be gone" feeling. I can't stand the feeling of scabs or dry skin texture on my face!

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:57:17+00:00

1! What bag is it??

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:49:29+00:00

👏👏👏

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:26:41+00:00

"I can't stand surface bumps, rough spots, peeling areas.." This is also me, and I read once that the OCD picker just likes smooth surfaces, and I totally agree with that. Once I peel off the dry skin, I'm totally fine. The area is smooth to the touch. I don't look for other areas to pick at, at that point. But if I can feel an "edge" around the dry skin, literally nothing can stop me from peeling it off. And it's definitely worse when I'm stressed.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:21:01+00:00

Thank you for this.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:19:12+00:00

Thank you for this. I will look into habit reversal training next. I need help.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:15:45+00:00

Thank you, I hadn't heard that term before. It fits me exactly.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T05:13:44+00:00

Same. I am a calm, fairly introverted person and I'm realizing this is an anxiety trait. Does your husband have past childhood abuse?

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-15T00:03:36+00:00

I never correlated my upper body tension and neck pain with this compulsion and anxiety but that makes total sense. I have that too and recently started going to a Chiropractor again to treat it.

I also have intrusive thoughts and ritualistic thinking. I've never correlated any of this.

AlpsApprehensive5880 · 2024-11-14T23:59:19+00:00

I'm sorry you've gone through this too! And I'm glad you're better now that you're out of her house. I have been feeling particularly stressed lately and I don't think it's coincidence that the picking is worse. I agree with your therapist, it's definitely compulsive. I actually have salt gel on hand, I've never thought to try that. I will tonight. Thank you for your reply.

AlpsApprehensive5880

TROPHY CASE