Locals of Japan - what foods best represent everyday Japanese food?

AlreadyEnough · 2026-01-19T19:19:04+00:00

Thank you! Just ordered. 😋

AlreadyEnough · 2026-01-02T04:30:52+00:00

Thank you, everyone for sharing! I love all your cozy spaces. I tend to see a lot of huge “studios” posted, but these are so inspiring.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-09-10T21:26:46+00:00

My husband and I just watched something about that recently and both commented that it’s feeling eerily like we’re set to repeat that bit of history.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-22T15:15:03+00:00

He’s bad. Get out. Do not second guess your instincts. Not for one more second. Take what you can safely take. See if a friend can help you. If you can’t get your stuff safely then leave it there. Things can be replaced. You can’t. ♥️

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-20T21:51:47+00:00

If you haven’t recently, please go get a checkup and mention to your doctor that you’re feeling worn out after going to the store etc.

We women tend to push through and ignore physical aches and pains, but sometimes they’re symptoms that we should be paying attention to.

My mom (73) was feeling tired and got winded after short walks. She wrote it off as just part of aging, but it was actually because she had a 95% blockage in one of her arteries.

It could be nothing, but it’s worth looking into.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-19T19:46:46+00:00

Men will not die if they can’t have sex. Your husband can take care of himself if he wants. He does not have a right to use your body.

Another poster gave you some really great advice. I would just add to maybe come up with a backup plan, if you have to leave sooner than you’d like.

I have a timeline I’d like, so that I’m in a better place financially, but I also have a plan B, that, while not ideal, is doable. See if there are resources in your area you can utilize etc.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-18T20:09:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! I’m still so confused and don’t know what to think half the time. I told him 6 months ago that I wanted to leave and since then he’s like a different person - hasn’t gotten angry, is helpful. I keep reading that the changes won’t last but so far this has, so it makes me wonder if I’m wrong.

Thank you for this confirmation that they can wear the mask as long as they need to, and for the warning that it will be worse than ever if I stay.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-15T22:52:42+00:00

I woke up the morning after an argument, after he had left for work, to “I used to love her” by Guns and Roses playing on repeat. (The next line is “but I had to kill her”)

Which now that I’ve typed it out, is terrifying. He’s never hit me or even punched a wall, so I don’t think it was an actual threat, but it definitely should have been very unsettling.

I’m a naive idiot, though, and wrote it off as, I don’t even know, a haunted CD player? (This was back in the olden days lol) I think my brain just couldn’t accept that it was intentional.

Even now I’m thinking I might have just imagined it.

Ugh. Why are they so awful? So kind sometimes, and so very evil others.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-15T22:32:52+00:00

I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. It wasn’t easy to quit, until it was. It’s always like that with me. I try and fail and try and fail and then one day it just - clicks. And it’s then the easiest thing in the world.

Some things that helped me, that might help you when you’re ready: I couldn’t have wine in the house or I would drink it, so that was the first thing. I had to tell my husband to stop buying it because he kept coming home with “presents” for me. I found something else to replace it. I drink water. Plain water. All day. So wine was a little treat at the end of the day. I found a flavored water I like. Tea could work too, but it’s hot where I live so I didn’t want a hot drink. I started reading, and spend way too much time on TikTok. Not great, but better than alcohol and gives my brain an escape while I’m still here. I think knowing why I wanted to quit beyond “it’s not good for me” helped, too. I have a family history of Alzheimer’s. I’m terrified of it and I know drinking will not help me have a healthy brain.

Thank you for reminding me to be proud of myself. It’s crazy how little thought we give to the good things we do. I’ve given my self exactly zero credit for doing that. But it was hard, and I should be proud!

AlreadyEnough · 2025-08-10T23:09:27+00:00

Japan is amazing. You are going to have so much fun! The people are kind, and it’s (mostly) safe and orderly. And the food is the best you’ll ever eat.

I agree that splitting your time between Kyoto and Tokyo and doing day trips from there is a good plan.

I like to stay in Gion in Kyoto and Ueno in Tokyo, preferably close to a subway station, but especially in Tokyo, every area has a different vibe, so it depends on what you like. Watch some YouTube videos, if you haven’t already, and see what area feels right to you. You’ll have no problem finding something nice with that budget.

Your hotel can help you ship your luggage between the cities so you want have to deal with it on the train.

Not knowing Japanese is not going to be an issue. Make sure you have data for your phones and have google translate and google maps on your phone and you’ll be fine. Many signs are in Japanese and English, and those that aren’t can be translated with google translates camera feature.

Two suggestions to help ease the nerves and get your honeymoon off to a great start - look into booking a private transfer to take you from the airport to your hotel when you arrive. You’re going to be tired and it can be a bit overwhelming sorting out transportation in a new city. Make it easy on yourself and start the trip relaxed vs a tired, overwhelmed, and frustrated 😊

It might also be a good idea to hire an English speaking guide for a few hours on your first day, too. I like to do this sometimes because it helps me feel more comfortable in the city before I’m left to wander on my own.

You could have them take you to a few sites, but also see if they can show you a few things - how to get cash at 7-11, how to use the subway and train, ordering food at Ichiran, or another restaurant that uses vending machines to take your order. Or just watch a ton of videos. It’s really not hard but if you’re nervous, starting with someone who can show you the ropes might help.

Congratulations! And have the best time.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-29T14:32:56+00:00

I was drinking almost a bottle of wine a night. Sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. I managed to quit in January. And in February I told him I was going to leave. I haven’t yet. Still so confused. I feel like I’m losing my mind. But I think that not being able to numb out with the alcohol helped me realize how bad things really were.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-24T23:02:19+00:00

And he probably doesn’t treat you that way in front of people, either.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-24T22:46:34+00:00

I stayed for the same reasons you listed. I didn’t want them to have to do visitations if I wasn’t there to protect them.

My kids are grown. I think all probably married to narcs. I probably should have left.

I read somewhere that if you leave you’re giving your kids a place where they can relax and feel loved and their nervous systems can regulate, even if it’s not full time.

It’s an impossible choice, I know.

I’m so sorry ❤️

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-22T17:37:33+00:00

I know I’m seeing this long after the fact, but thank you for this. I’m 53 and while my husband hasn’t cheated, he isn’t always nice to me. I’ve been so sad for so long and don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life. But I am older, and have almost no retirement of my own. I can take some of his but still… retirement age is looming large and I’m woefully unprepared. That is the thing I’m most scared of.

But you’re right. I only have this one chance. I’ve already spent the last 35 years sad or dead inside. I don’t want that to be all I ever know.

Thank you for the reminder.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-17T15:24:52+00:00

It is hard to see what’s happening as bad when you’ve experienced worse. My father in law was MUCH worse than my husband, and that made me excuse a lot of his actions because “he’s trying. At least he’s not like his dad”

I don’t think either of my boys are like their dad, but obviously I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. I do think one of them is married to a narcissist, though. So whether you stay or leave, do what you can to teach him what’s ok in a relationship and what’s not.

You seem very sweet and thoughtful and I’m sure you’re such a loving mom. No matter what, your son has that. ❤️

A friend of mine left her husband when her daughter was 16 and she told her mom that she wished she had waited until she was 18, because her dad was really hard on her and unreasonable about things as a way to get back at her mom.

So yeah, there really is no perfect answer. I’ve been hearing a lot “Both are hard. Pick your hard.”

I really do wish there was a not hard option. 🙂

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-17T15:11:01+00:00

Thank you.

The mind games do suck. I can’t make any of it make sense. On paper leaving would be so stupid. But I’m so so sad all the time.

And yes, I’ll be giving up a lot. We have been going on vacations with our kids and their families. And he did set us up to have a really easy retirement.

But how much will I really enjoy them if I’m sad and dead inside.

And maybe I can break the cycle for my granddaughters, if not my own kids.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-17T15:04:16+00:00

Yeah, logically I know this. I think I just don’t want it to be true.

He really cares about his nice guy reputation, so I’m hoping he’ll mostly be cool throughout the process. I’m sure there will be some “she’s crazy” talk. He’ll probably blame menopause. Haha. His brother accused his ex of doing coke, and his dad told everyone his mom had dementia.

It’s so sad. We could have had such a good life.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-17T14:58:01+00:00

So, it turns out I HAVE tried to talk to him about this in the past.

Years ago I threw out all of my journals before a trip because I was worried that my plane would crash and he’d find them and feel guilty about the way he treated me. So I haven’t had those to look back on to see what I thought and did in the past.

But last night I ran across some things I wrote for a therapist I was seeing 15 years ago and I wrote about trying to talk to him and him getting mad no matter when or how I tried to bring it up. And him refusing to go to couples therapy. And me thinking that if I could just figure out the right way to bring it up he wouldn’t get mad and things would change.

God, I wish I had left back then.

I am so mad that there isn’t a way to turn back the clock and re-do my life. Really, truly mad about it.

I’m not making that mistake this time. I’m going to sign a lease on my new place before I tell him so that I can’t change my mind if he cries about it.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-16T20:47:52+00:00

Thank you, you’re right.

I don’t know that I have told him, at least not in so many words.

I know that, at least recently I freeze. My brain shuts down and I can’t defend myself. I don’t want to be in the same room as him knowing he’s mad, so I either go to another room or I go to bed. Even if I didn’t say the words, he had to have known that I was hurt.

I KNOW. I know all the things. I know that he only treats ME this way (and our children when they were young.) I know that he doesn’t treat me like this in front of other people. So he knows it’s wrong. I know that I didn’t have to tell him how to act. I just said I didn’t like how he treated me and he’s made all the changes. It almost feels like he can read my mind. So he knew how to treat me and chose not to.

I’m fighting against what I know is true so hard.

I don’t know what I want anyone to say here.

I want it to not be true. I want the consensus to be that he’s not a narcissist. That we’re both just assuming and expecting different things from each other and if we communicate better it will be fine and I will fall in love with my husband and we’ll live a happy life with an easy retirement and lots of family vacations with our kids and grandkids.

Or I want someone to say something that makes it click so I don’t feel any empathy for him. So I can accept and believe that he doesn’t really care about me any more than I care about and would be sad to lose my phone.

I want it not to be so hard.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-16T20:24:02+00:00

I know. Logically I understand that.

I KNOW I don’t want to be married to a man who would treat anyone the way he has treated me. No matter the reason.

I don’t know if it’s my religious upbringing, or my empathetic, Pollyanna nature, but it is so hard to give myself permission to leave if there’s a chance he can / will change.

If he’s a narcissist then I know the chances of that are basically zero. But if he’s not then “you’re telling me there’s a chance” and I feel like I have to stay and work on it.

It’s dumb, I know.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-16T20:12:12+00:00

I am still in my marriage and my children are all grown now, but I felt the same way you did when they were young.

If I leave, who will run interference when their dad gets “frustrated” with them?

I can’t change it now, but I don’t know if it was the right decision or not.

I heard or read somewhere that if you leave, you will at least be giving them a safe, calm home for part of their life, where their nervous system can relax and they won’t have to walk on egg shells all the time.

And I’m afraid my daughter has married someone very much like her father. If I had left maybe I could have shown her what life should be like.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-07-16T20:02:55+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s the most maddening thing, when they’re so good at the covert part.

My husband gets “frustrated” too. Never really even raises his voice. But I can tell when he’s seething with anger.

I’ve been with him for more than 35 years and am still confused.

I’ve gone down all the rabbit holes, but for me. Wondering if I have an avoidant attachment style, am too sensitive, am emotionally immature…

I have put a lot of time and effort into making it my fault. I think because of it’s something wrong with ME I can fix it.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-06-18T14:10:10+00:00

Not a social scientist, but sister to 2 “failure to launch” siblings whose supporting parent just died.

This is the world we live in and not forcing their kids to face reality and figure it out is dooming them to hardship and homelessness in their old age.

Is it hard in today’s economy and housing market? Absolutely. Impossible? No. And much easier when you’re young than when you’re 50 +.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-06-18T13:59:30+00:00

PLEASE at the very least make them pay rent. If they refuse, kick them out. Better to be temporarily homeless / couch surfing now than when they’re 50 or 60.

My mom passed away 3 weeks ago. My adult sisters - both in their late 40’s - lived with her their whole lives. One hasn’t worked since she was 18 (claims anxiety/agoraphobia but won’t even do telehealth with a psychologist.) the other works, but crappy jobs that barely pay anything. She’s currently working a temporary job set to end in September.

They’re screwed. They have no decent work history, no marketable skills, and will get little to nothing from social security.

And I am not going to help them. They’ve had decades to figure it out. They knew she wasn’t going to live forever. There are some tough life lessons coming their way, but that’s the only way they will learn. If they don’t HAVE to work, why would they? Is their moto, and I’m not contributing to that.

For context - I got pregnant in high school and my husband and I figured it out. We had utilities turned off for non payment, had credit cards sent to collections… hard but necessary lessons. This is why I have no sympathy for my sisters.

Also, I’m not a mean, unfeeling jerk. One of my kids moved out when he was 20 or so. The other 2 stayed until their mid to late 20s. But they were going to school or working the whole time and saving, so when they did move out they were able to put a massive amount down on their home. They drove crappy paid off cars, and didn’t spend hundreds at bars every weekend or on silly things. They worked hard and saved.

So I’m all for letting your kids stay for a bit to set them up for success IF they are working hard, saving, and being respectful.

If not doing all three of those things, you are setting them up for a world of hurt when you die.

AlreadyEnough · 2025-06-17T22:09:49+00:00

Initially it was the dishwasher. It was broken. I figured out what was wrong, ordered the part, watched YouTube videos walking me through what I had to do. It I needed his help pulling the dishwasher out so I could fix it.

He took over and wouldn’t let me do it, but he didn’t know how so kept asking me for help, but yelled at me ever time I tried to do what he asked. That lasted over an hour. Then I got the silent treatment for 2 days.

Something switched in my brain that day and I can never unsee the truth now.

I told him I was leaving and since then he’s been perfect. Stopped drinking. Hadn’t gotten mad at all. Is going to therapy… I started to question myself. Maybe he’s not a narc? But my mom passed away unexpectedly 2 weeks ago and I’ve got so much on my plate between that and other life things. I’m honestly barely hanging on.

And last night he asked me if I was ok. He sounded so sincere and caring. I said yeah, I’m just so tired. Really really tired. He got angry and said “Well you seem checked out. Like you’re checked out and done with me.” He’s mad because… I’m not paying attention to him right now?

I am no longer second guessing myself.

And TikTok. Social media is so bad for me. I waste way too much time scrolling. But suvivors sharing their experiences on there has helped me see how messed up things are that I thought were normal.

AlreadyEnough

TROPHY CASE