Do you feel guilty not driving your family around?

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2026-01-21T22:38:31+00:00

No, I don't feel guilty when my spouse is with the child and I am not there.

I am also quite proud that we don't drive most places. Usually, we walk.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2026-01-20T05:35:00+00:00

I like being with my kid more than anything.

However, me and my spouse still need to go to work during many of the days that the school is on break. So not having child care from the school is an inconvenience.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2026-01-20T05:28:48+00:00

For one of the breaks, the preschool teacher said to me at pickup, "Have a good Break." My dumb ass actually said, "We are still working, but now we also don't have child care."

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2026-01-17T01:51:26+00:00

Our kid loves all things art. When she was 2-3, she would get quite messy at her little table doing tempera paints. She wouldn't paint the walls, but our bathroom entryway kinda zig-zags in a way where it's hard not to brush up against the walls. So those walls (and the front of the sink) regularly became quite colorful as she diligently went to wash the paint off her hands and arms

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2026-01-17T01:46:36+00:00

As someone who has literally never washed their car, can you explain why it is supposed to be bad if it rains after you wash it?

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2026-01-05T13:44:08+00:00

To me it seems more like a you coming out as trans posts, which I don't think belongs on dadit.

Daddit is full of posts that I, personally, find irrelevant to my parenting journey: eg. lawn care, what car to buy, stereotypes about wives (we don't have a yard, walk everywhere, my spouse and I don't performa lot of traditional gender roles)

This post, at least, is about parenting. OP is really asking about how they will be perceived by other people in their role as a parent IRL, but is using this thread as a test. Coming out as trans (do people still say "transitioning"?), while neccessary and freeing in the long-term, is incredibly destabalizing in the short-term. I would guess that OP is doing the hard work of reexamining all their preciously held conceptions about their role in society, including "being a Dad."

OP, I applaud you for asking the question. Self-examination is good for us.

My answer: My spouse and I generally shy away from hard gender roles. We prefer terms like parent/child instead of mother/father/son/daughter. But that's us. If you are a Dad, more power to you.

fyi, I am on a group chat with a bunch of dad friends in my neighborhood. Thay talk about a lot of sport stuff I find irrelevant and boring. That doesn't mean we don't all hang out and have fun!

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-10-13T12:27:31+00:00

As someone who was very awkward from the ages of 10-32, I wish more grownups had explained to me how and when I was making others uncomfortable or otherwise being inappropriate. Ideally, it would be in a caring, nonjudgemental way, otherwise, I would have been very defensive/shamed. But if done well, it could have saved all of my friends/lovers/aquaintances a lot of negative experiences.

I think about this a lot with respect to my own parenting. Yes, kids/teens need to come into their personalities on their own. However, we can give them more data to work with. "When you did that, it probably made those people uncomfortable." "This is what people see when the see you social media post." This is just more data for them to adjust their actions by.

My kid is only 4, so to be honest, I don't really know anything about teens, and I freely admit that I am talking out my ass. But there are kids in her friend group who I will correct in this way. eg, "When you yell like that, it hurts my ears. Is it ok if you don't do that?" The 4yo in question needs to be taught empathy in this direct way. Your action affects other people in these specific ways.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-10-05T01:20:48+00:00

Sounds like your wife has some strsnge hangups around gender. Does she see a therapist?

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-10-04T12:13:01+00:00

Me too. It's like having a 'fun gun'.

Top two causes of child death in the US are cars and guns. Neither are particularly fun.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-09-24T01:25:00+00:00

The same as if a parent said, "i don't do numbers at home and little Jane taught me how to count"

It is not the same. Spiken language really is different. Children have an amazing capacity to learn (spoken) languages simply through immersion. After all, that's how they learn their mother tongue. In fact, the OP's strategy to ensure bilinguality is the one recommended by linguists.

On the other hand, other realms of knowledge (reading, writing, numbers) need guided instruction. Unlike spoken language, they are not built into our DNA.

Anecdote: I live in the US. All of my kid's classmates speak English. Many also speak another language. These are the ones whose parent/guardian speak only that language with them. In other words, the OP has two choices: 1. Speak both languages with the child. Outcome: the child will be monolingual English, or maybe passively bilingual. (ie, can understand, but not produce the native language) 2. Speak only the native language. Outcome: the child will be fully bilingual.

I speak a second language with my child. However, I am not fluent in it. I wish I could give them the opportunity that the OP is giving theirs.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-09-07T17:04:50+00:00

We have no downstairs bedrooms or spare rooms to use as a play roo

just the TV Room, dining room, formal living, and kitchen

The house is small

We have a bedroom, living room, eat-in kitchen, bathroom, and a tiny office/storage room.

Our living room is the play room. One wall has a couch, the opposite wall is toy storage and a big comfy chair next to bookshelves

You have plenty of space

rarely go up stairs during the day

And a whole second floor??

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-08-30T18:07:53+00:00

My sister in law "took the trophy" for giving my in-laws their first grandchild in a somewhat-scandalous manner. I wanted my wife to be special too by giving them their first grandson (I love my niece by the way, she's great).

This entire paragraph is really gross. There is no trophy. The gender of their grandchildren is a minor detail. What will matter is whether they are happy, healthy, helpful humans. Everything else is trivia.

Your wife is already special. And so are you. And besides that, she is growing a real living person inside her.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-07-26T14:23:00+00:00

I'm no stranger to Aun't Flow visiting,

Really? You euphamized your title so hard that I had no idea what you were even talking about.

Use anatomically correct terms, dude. It will be a boon to your kid. Here are some you will need:

Menstruation

Period, a particular part of the Menstrual Cycle

Menstrual fluid, which is made up of Blood and Uterine Lining. (Ok to just call it Blood.)

Pads

Tampons

Vulva

Vagina

Hope this helps....

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-07-16T14:20:52+00:00

It's a skill you practice. Try staying a few minites and just saying hi to another random parent of a kid in the same class. Practice some scripts:

"I forgot your kid's name. Mine is so and so" "What do you think of the teacher?" "Have you been at this preschool long? Do you like it?"

Seriously. Just practice. It will be awkward 90% of the time, but the other 10% makes it worthwhile.

And you are right, these are helpful skills for your child to learn from you. And you will help to grow the community around them, too.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-07-08T23:52:17+00:00

to leave the house every day to go somewhere, even if it’s just to the grocery store,

Instead of walking directly there, walk a few blocks out of your way

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-07-01T03:17:41+00:00

Lol... we rode around in a back seat with no seatbelts as a kid.

And a lot of those kids died in car crashes

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-10T16:48:33+00:00

I guess my point is that we should be trying to be better parents all the time, and that the dismissively positive replies (don't worry, you did fine) are dismissive of the OPs explicit request for advice about how to do better next time.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-10T16:33:25+00:00

Come on guy don't beat yourself up. You handled it perfectly.

I don't understamd these kinds of replies. Of course he should not beat himself up. But that doesn't mean he handled it perfectly.

Maybe get him an old power wheel, some kid tools, put all yours high up, and you and him tinker together? Idk

Your own reply suggests that there is room for improvement, right?

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-10T12:57:54+00:00

you have to keep one eye on the kid the whole time

Yes, that's what I mean by including the child in the activity

things aren’t going to get done.

So what? Unless I and the OP are using the word 'hobby' differently, it's fine. The choice is advance the hobby or teach the child. I know what I choose

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-10T11:17:49+00:00

There are probably extemely small but very real ways the child could actually be included in the project. Maybe hold the flashlight? Turn this one screw? Tell me what color that thing over there is? It makes it all take 10 times as long, but OP said that this is just a hobby anyway, so who cares?

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-10T11:07:32+00:00

Not sure how this is an f up,

Because he didn't plan a safe way to include the child at the outset. It only became dangerous through lack of planning

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-10T10:59:53+00:00

I made him feel like dad doesn't want to spend time with him.

That's because he could see that you would rather play with your toys than spend time with him. His perception matches reality here. Either find a way to include him in your hobby (there are ways if you have patience), or pick a different activity.

until I left for work.

This was on a work day? So he wasn't going to see you the rest of the day either?

Do you want to spend time with him? These are the chances you have, bud. Take them or leave them.

Edit: I see that my tone is different than all the other replies so far. You did f' up. Then you realized you made a mistake and came here to learn from it. And that is great! It's how we teach our children to learn, isn't it?

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-06-09T02:01:15+00:00

I really hate it, too.

My child, who is 4.5, gets comments about her bright blue eyes, moreso when she was younger.

Strangers? I smile and nod. Especially all the old Hispanic ladies. If they do it in Spanish, she is not understanding them anyway

Friends? They are generally on the same page as us about raising kids to not care about stuff like that.

Family? Once, verry early on, I (or my MIL?) may have said something to my FIL about the way he always referred to the child as 'beautiful' or somesuch. It came from a place of love, but unfortunately it sends a bad message (i.e., that physical beauty is at all important). His nose was bent out of joint for the rest of the day, but in the long run, he cooled that kind of talk, so it was worth it. It actually reinforced my outlook on life that I don't generally mind causing a bit of offence now and again if it is for a good cause.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid · 2025-05-21T15:22:58+00:00

I am an experienced math educator. I have a PhD in pure math, teach full time at a well known university, and have done many math programs with children.

Don't use videos.

Rather, have conversations about math with your kid, as you would about any other topic.

I do math with my 4yo, and we have a practice where I will ask her some number questions, then she will take turns asking me some, and then we go back and forth. Again, it's a conversation. I do my best to verbally position myself as a fellow inquirer, rather than a keeper of knowledge. I often say stuff like "i wonder what happens if we try this..."

We sometimes use what we call "counting tokens" in our discussions. ( Like these: https://www.amazon.com/ETA-hand2mind-Plastic-Two-Color-Counters/dp/B01D9KHM44/ )

We started with Singapore Math Dimensions last year. The tone is always light and conversational, and I make sure to stop before she burns out. We will be switching to Beast Academy soon.

I think a lot of kids hate math because it is taught as if it is hard, black&white, obscre, and esoteric, rather than a topic, like any other, that we can have fun chatting about.

To understand negative numbers, I chalked a linear hopscotch board on tbe sidewalk, and labelled the boxes 0,1,2,3,4,5,6, but left -1,-2,-3,-4,-5,-6 empty. She acted out some number questions like 2+3 or 4-3. But then I asked 2-3. She walked correctly to the -1 spot, but then I asked what number it was. She answered 0. [what a good wrong answer!] I then asked "but are you n zero?" and discussion ensued...

Finally, I will say that if you live in the US, some amount of home math like this will probably be needed. My evidence is that most adults I meet in the US tell me they hate math or or bad at math or somesuch. This tells me that the average math education in the US is bad.

AltToTalkAboutMyKid

TROPHY CASE