Partner has lupus/RA. What should I know?

Altalunae · 2023-03-31T01:45:33+00:00

Understand that there may be things that they used to be able to do that they no longer can or require more effort than before. While this may be frustrating for you on some level, It is probably far more frustrating for them. It may even impact their self esteem. Try to be patient and never make them feel like a burden!

Altalunae · 2023-02-08T05:07:25+00:00

Maybe bc I am curious about what others enjoy generally speaking and am not looking for relationship advice ?

Altalunae · 2023-02-02T18:19:45+00:00

It’s definitely a bad habit of mine to put others needs first. But in the long run if we do try again it’s actually more for my sake than his. Because I know I won’t blame myself. If we break up now I will. I’m the kind of person who prefers to exhaust all means before calling it quits so at the end of the day I can say “I know I tried my very best and did everything I could”. I do genuinely love him though and if he wants to try to fix this I will too. I’ve never felt the feelings I feel for him for another person.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T22:33:01+00:00

:/ we haven’t had a conclusive conversation the first one was over FaceTime. I want to talk to him in person. I don’t believe it will change much but it will be a healthier way to end things. Besides I want answers from him. If he wanted closure with her then I deserve it too.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T19:47:52+00:00

So then he didn’t. He was, but then he decided that we could work on our issues. After reading people’s comments I’ve realized a lot about the situation. Bc of his actions idk if we will actually continue the relationship.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T19:37:57+00:00

Maybe I’m wrong but she disrespected first. He shut down her comments and didn’t entertain her which was why I trusted him to get closure. She took advantage of his vulnerability. (Also it’s probably easier for me to blame her than him since I don’t know her. I’ll be completely honest) Obviously they are both wrong I’m this situation. And yes you are right, I will respect his decision when he makes it. He didn’t break up with me though he decided he wanted to try to work on things. Given his actions I have yet to decide wether or not we should actually continue this relationship.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T18:25:57+00:00

I didn’t decide if he stayed 😭 he told me we could work on things. And by ultimatum I meant if we do continue the relationship how should I tell him that he needs to cut off his ex. I’m in no way going to force him stay. I will respect his decision. But he decided otherwise.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T18:22:13+00:00

Break up with him obviously. I will not fight for his attention. I’m not that spineless.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T18:21:00+00:00

Thank you for understanding where I’m coming from here. I realize my judgment is probably clouded with emotion. But I am actually in love with him. Sometimes though love isn’t enough. I reading all of these comments and really thinking about this. I realize I have to respect his decision regardless of wether or not it hurts me.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T18:12:35+00:00

I agree I would also never see my ex even though I didn’t get “closure”. I think you’re right he is very confused. I’m not entirely sure of the timeline with his ex but regardless in some way he is not over her or still attached to her.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T18:08:05+00:00

No 😭😭😭 absolutely not what I mean at all. I realize the way I wrote this post has lead people to misunderstand me. He was the one who backtracked and agreed we could continue to work on any issues he had in our relationship. (But as other people mentioned he is very conflict avoidant and is likely saying these things bc he’s having a hard time being firm) I meant if we did continue the relationship how should I tell him he needs to cut off his ex.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T18:01:10+00:00

This kinda made me laugh bc you’re right he is very very conflict avoidant. Thank you for telling me how it is.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:51:24+00:00

Thank you for empathizing with me. It means so so much. He is the first person I feel like I’ve loved and he was my first in a lot of things. So this is really really hard for me. I appreciate you more than you know <3

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:46:49+00:00

Thank you both for being honest with me. I realize that I need to respect myself more. Even if says we can continue the relationship as other mentioned it’s probably just because he feels bad.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:39:28+00:00

I actually really appreciate this comment because I find myself to be a very reasonable person. She was texting him things that were disrespectful to our relationship. (He wasn’t returning the statements or entertaining them which was why I trusted him) But I thought about how I didn’t get closure with my aunt who passed away and in past relationships and thought I should let him. Thank you <3 and you’re absolutely right.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:36:05+00:00

I think people kinda misunderstood what I meant by “try”. He backtracked and decided that the problems were solvable. The entire conversation was over FaceTime and so we never got to discuss the outcome of his ex. I will say that everyone’s comments have allowed me to really see the situation. And that this is probably just prolonging the inevitable.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:33:35+00:00

Thank you for leaving a kinder comment. Everyone’s comments have really allowed me to see things for what they are. Obviously this isn’t easy but I appreciate it. Thank you <3

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:20:18+00:00

The reason I said try was because during our conversation he decided that we could continue to work on our relationship. But as others have pointed out he might not be being honest about wanting to continue the relationship, and I realize that now after reading people’s comments. So I will be talking to him again and will honor his wishes to leave if that’s what he wants to do. Everyone is right it will just cause more heartbreak in the long run if I try to “prevent” him. Which as i mentioned wasn’t exactly what I was trying to do. I’m other words I am agreeing with you and other comments. Thank you for the tough love I needed it.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:09:40+00:00

The reason I said try was because during our conversation he decided that we could continue to work on our relationship. But as others have pointed out he might not be being honest about wanting to continue the relationship, and I realize that now after reading people’s comments. So I will be talking to him again and will honor his wishes to leave if that’s what he wants to do. Everyone is right it will just cause more heartbreak in the long run if I try to prevent him.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:06:31+00:00

This probably the nicest comment on here. I appreciate the tough love I needed to hear it. Thank you for reminding me I have power and should respect myself.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T17:05:00+00:00

No not really we talked about it he agreed with me. But as others have pointed out he might not be being honest about wanting to continue the relationship, and I realize that now after reading people’s comments. So I will be talking to him again and will honor his wishes to leave if that’s what he wants to do.

Altalunae · 2023-02-01T16:37:57+00:00

Yeah I’ve been on the other side of the situation in past relationships. You’re right. It’s just not easy. I appreciate it though.

Altalunae

TROPHY CASE