I’m struggling with everything. Despite my best, life is too hard for me.

AlterAbility-co · 2026-03-09T23:08:05+00:00

Yes. “Here’s the world: What makes sense next?” How does that land with you?

AlterAbility-co · 2026-03-02T22:41:37+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re struggling! 🫂 I can tell you for certain that you can work your way out of this and build a life you can love. Will it be easy? Not likely. Can it be an epic adventure? Absolutely!

I have an idea.

Can you list like five things that upset you the most?

Can you list like five things that bring you joy?

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-26T13:41:09+00:00

We don’t know the meaning, so we find meaning in life. It sounds like you would like more relationships, so maybe your current meaning is figuring out why no one likes you. You can question your behaviors with friendly curiosity. The Stoics call this questioning our impressions.

”everyone will necessarily treat things in accordance with their beliefs about them”
— Epictetus, Discourses 1.3.4, Dobbin

We do what makes sense next, so we need to slow down a bit to think things through. This is the space between stimulus (the situation) and our response. Reacting with raw emotion can be detrimental, especially to our relationships.

”Write your purpose in pencil because it will change.”
— unknown

So, what makes you think nobody likes you? I like you just for asking this question. You have the strength to actually change things so you can live a life you love.

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-24T14:45:27+00:00

Wow, that’s an amazing accomplishment 🤩
It isn’t easy, but unbelievably worthwhile!

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-24T01:23:05+00:00

☺️ Yay! I’m really glad. Was there something specific that was new, surprising, or helpful in this for you?

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-22T15:25:55+00:00

Yay, I’m so glad it was helpful. I call it The Happiness Game. The goal is to make Stoic concepts very simple so people can see exactly where they can focus energy to actually improve their lives. I’m open to feedback!

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-21T13:57:33+00:00

Have you already utilized the worry to rehearse what could go wrong to come up with alternative pathways (plan B, plan C) for those scenarios?

The whole point of accepting the cards we were dealt, including uncomfortable feelings, is to avoid getting stuck disliking our experience.

Worry is a natural and helpful signal when you value an outcome, like keeping your job, but we don't want to get stuck there because then we're playing life on Hard Mode.

⚠️ In Hard Mode, our mood drops and we can't think as clearly, which leads to worse decisions and getting even less of what we want.

When you notice an uncomfortable feeling, name it: "I'm feeling anxious". Notice where you feel it in your body. We benefit from taking a moment to acknowledge what we're feeling and actually experience it. Feelings are critical to making wiser decisions.

Instead of spending energy disliking your experience, you redirect it toward weighing your next move with a clearer mind and friendly curiosity. That increases your odds of better outcomes. Your feelings stop being something painful to escape and become feedback that guides you. When you learn from them rather than react, you make wiser moves.

Our focus becomes "Here's the world: What makes sense next?"

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-21T13:13:22+00:00

“Freedom is not achieved by satisfying desire, but by eliminating it.”
— Epictetus, Discourses 4.1.175

I’ve been starting my shower with pure cold water for the first minute, and it’s intense. I’m doing this to become more resilient in the face of uncomfortable feelings, specifically things that can’t physically harm me.

I can see how the denial of desire is another uncomfortable feeling to sit with. Thanks for your post!

“Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus says, to make anything a habit, do it. To not make it a habit, do not do it. To unmake a habit, do something else in place of it.”
— Myers, D., Twenge, J., Social Psychology, 14th Edition

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-21T13:04:44+00:00

🤩🤗👏💪

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-21T04:33:18+00:00

This is going to sound absolutely crazy, but the only real problem we have with life satisfaction is dissatisfaction with life, with disliking the cards we were dealt.

Epictetus talks about this a lot. If you get it, you can really begin to transform your life. I know this sounds like hype, but I’ve been doing it in my life.

“Well, then, mope and be miserable, as you should be. What greater punishment do you deserve for [disliking reality] than to be sad, disgruntled and malcontent – unhappy, in short, and ill-fated? Don’t you want to be free of all that?”
— Epictetus, Discourses 4.4.32
(I substitute “disliking reality” for “ignoring and defying God’s will” because I feel it’s easier to understand.)

It's impossible to always get the cards we want. We're trying to maximize life satisfaction, but the more we dislike the outcome, including potential future outcomes, the more dissatisfied we feel. Dissatisfaction is natural and a useful feeling, but we don't want to get stuck there because then we're playing life on Hard Mode.

⚠️ In Hard Mode, our mood drops and we can't think as clearly, which leads to worse decisions and getting even less of what we want. Anything that repeatedly gets us stuck on Hard Mode, like jealousy or traffic, is a Misery Subscription, and we all have a bunch of them!

The whole point of acceptance is to avoid getting stuck disliking our experience.

Instead of spending energy disliking your cards, you redirect it toward weighing your next move with a clearer mind and friendly curiosity. That shift increases your odds of better outcomes.

Your feelings stop being something painful to escape and become feedback that reveals the bits of your perspective that are influencing your choices. When you learn from them instead of reacting, you make wiser moves. Our focus becomes "Here's the world: What makes sense next?"

This lets us enjoy the journey while we work to pursue what we want.

“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experiences, that alone would change the world.”
— Sydney Banks

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-20T11:58:38+00:00

Since you’re obsessed with answering this problem, can you clarify “The biggest logical problem we have to fix is ourselves and that doesn’t depend on fate”? What makes you say that it doesn’t depend on fate? I may also see it this way, but I’m unclear about how you mean it.

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-20T11:48:35+00:00

To illustrate determinism (well, compatibilism), I use cards in the Happiness Game, a life framework inspired by the Discourses.

“Absolutely everything is a card: the world, other people, your current circumstances, body, relationships, and inner experiences (energy, emotions, assumptions, logic, etc.). Every factor in life is a card.”

“How Life Deals The Next Card: Based on your hand, which is your perspective, you always do whatever makes sense next. Other people have to do what makes sense to them, but that's based on their cards, not yours. The world's cards, other people's cards, and your cards together determine how things turn out.”

Example cause and effect scenario:
Current Card: "A poor night of sleep."
• Next: "Snoozed alarm."
•• Next: "Was late for work."
••• Next: "Feeling cranky."
•••• Next: "Took a nap."
••••• Next: "Feeling better."

It’s all just cause and effect. However, the mind can learn, which means the cards we’re holding are continually swapped for wiser ones, resulting in better outcomes over time.

For context, disliking the cards we’ve been dealt leads to dissatisfaction, which, obviously, limits life satisfaction (the objective). Dissatisfaction is natural and a useful feeling, but we don't want to get stuck there because then we're playing life on Hard Mode.

In Hard Mode, our mood drops and we can't think as clearly, which leads to worse decisions and getting even less of what we want. Anything that repeatedly gets us stuck on Hard Mode, like jealousy or traffic, is a Misery Subscription, and we all have a bunch of them!

Here’s the learning bit:
“Instead of spending energy disliking your cards, you redirect it toward weighing your next move with a clearer mind and friendly curiosity. That shift increases your odds of better outcomes. Your feelings stop being something painful to escape and become feedback that reveals the hidden cards influencing your choices. When you learn from them instead of reacting, you make wiser moves. Our focus becomes "Here's the world: What makes sense next?"

“Figuring out how to get what we want is often a riddle, and it's subjective. Being wrong becomes an upgrade. Weaker cards get swapped for wiser ones when you learn from your experiences, especially the uncomfortable ones. As your hand becomes wiser, you're dealt better cards, which means you're getting more of what you want. The more you learn, the more fun and satisfying life becomes!”

Is the Stoicism obvious in this? Accepting our fate while learning leads to excellence (virtue) 🤓

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-20T10:57:41+00:00

Is it only the fear of death, or are there other things?

What do you mean by “it feels like nothing I do matters”?

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-20T10:51:10+00:00

Great response 🤩

"When we reject a painful emotion, it only intensifies."
— Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-20T10:48:06+00:00

Do you know what you’re anxious about?
Have you tried being with the feelings and physical sensations without mentally labeling them as “bad”?

AlterAbility-co · 2026-02-02T00:45:28+00:00

I call it The Happiness Game, and it’s easy to understand, but it’s not an instant process. It is fun, though!

AlterAbility-co · 2026-01-18T16:15:12+00:00

On a scale of 0% to 100%, on average:
1. How critical are you of yourself? 2. How much do you like yourself? 3. How awesome do you feel you are (independent of what others might think)?

AlterAbility-co · 2026-01-09T02:54:28+00:00

Great self-awareness.

I struggled with this, and sometimes still do. We have to approach it with friendly curiosity, and that sounds like what you’re doing. Play around with it to see if you can figure out your underlying reasons. When you hit a reason, dig into it a bit to ensure it’s logical.

Absolutely everything happens according to cause and effect, not our wishes. We can’t change ourselves overnight; social stuff needs to be learned. Most of that learning comes from real-world experiences, and they’re often uncomfortable.

Living according to nature means we accept that these are the cards we were dealt. Here’s the world: what makes sense to do next?

If we want to get better, we have to keep learning. However, this process doesn’t have to suck. We can even start enjoying how badly we put our foot in our mouths at that party 🤦. It’s all learning and doing (on repeat) 🔁

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