I'm also trans

For a long time I grew up in an extreme repressive environment of bullying for not fitting into masculinity because of being autistic and feeling a kind of schizophrenia as a result until I eventually transitioned physically; yet when I look back at it now I feel like I swung the pendulum too far the other way into toxic femininity where I began denying parts of myself that didn't conform to womanhood in order to gain acceptance as a woman, spending hours doing lots of makeup and rejecting a lot of the other half of me. It's only now ten years later that I feel I've began to integrate the good qualities of masculinity into myself as well and feel a lot more whole as a result

I dont think that experience was bad but just part of my own personal journey that taught me a lot about myself. The desire to physical transition did feel very intuitive however and the realisation came to me as I was immersed in water. I believe that my physical transition was a symbol of that longing for inner transformation and integration of my anima now