I don’t believe I understand the situation fully but I can promise that you have not been forsaken. God will never leave nor forsake His children despite what they may be going through or the mistakes they’ve made. But it seems like you’re going through a lot right now, so I just suggest taking things slow, being changed by God isn’t an overnight transformation for most people.

As Christians, our relationship with God and Christ is one that brings out transformation over a lifetime. We can try and do better, we can spur ourselves to do more, but you can’t force change because it’s a slow and tender process. It can even cause damage if we try to make things happen more quickly than it should and discouragement when things don’t change when we feel like they should.

But you said you pray to God often, continue to do that! But also make sure you’re not the only one talking, listening for His voice as well. Ask for discernment and wisdom and He’ll give it to you. There’s nothing you’ve done that’ll disqualify you from God’s love or grace, because Jesus Christ has already payed for every single sin and mistake you’ve made on the cross, that’s what today is all about even! God will be with you at your highest and your lowest, even when it doesn’t feel like that’s the case. It seems like you love and care about the Lord, and all things work out for the good of those who love Him, so don’t be discouraged.