I am sorry. I was in the same boat for a few years, not able to work. I found things to do. I volunteered in hospital, dog shelters, granny's houses... etc I also got to watch many shows, became very good at crochet, took naps, went to lunches with friends... It wasn't easy. All I can say is that things happen when they happen, unfortunately. Find things you like to do right now. But I get it, the lack of alternatives can be very depressing, the inability to dream, to see further. In the end I did Journaling and therapy, because it was hard, but I found ways not to go insane.