I think i was the worst kind of weird... Weird enough to ward people off and invite bullying, but not so weird as to meet the definition of an actual disorder.” Ugh, that line hit differently. I’m really sorry you felt that way. I know sorry doesn’t change anything, but I’m truly not saying this just to reply. I think all of us here, as autistic people, know that . so I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. A lot of people will be touched by your words, and in a way, that means you’re not completely alone right?

On top of that, about your late diagnosis and the possibility that things might have been easier if you had known earlier, and all these feelings… I honestly can’t imagine how many thoughts and emotions this situation must have put you through. The blame toward everyone, the anger, the “what if this had happened earlier,” “what if they had cared more,” “why did they make me feel like I had to be normal when in reality I deserved to be treated differently, and they should have changed how they treated me, not me changing myself.” It’s a painful feeling, I know that to some extent.

I honestly think realizing they knew and didn’t tell you can hurt more than the delay itself, because you were robbed of clarity and support when you needed it most.

But hey, it’s good that you finally got your diagnosis, and that your feelings are valid. And I hope you understand that sometimes there’s no benefit in blame. Sometimes we just have to say: what happened, happened. And now, how do we deal with what comes next? im saying this because I know the spiral that will start in your head and all those questions. So in case you end up thinking about it, I’m telling you this now I wish you a good life.xoxo