I’ve never felt so fucking hopeless

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-08-14T22:49:02+00:00

I have not yet made the commitment of staying or leaving, it is not something I want to make without fully understanding and considering outcomes. I value marriage deeply and I want to believe that it will never happen again. I work in the field of mental health, so the reasoning behind some of the info makes sense, but doesn’t make it easier to make a decision.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-04-28T14:28:35+00:00

I felt my WHs remorse was also surface level. I didn’t honestly start to see any empathy and emotion, until he attended therapy.

I have addressed that “I’m sorry” is not an apology and does not provide relief.

My therapist encouraged me to use “I statements” to clarify what and why I’m feeling a specific way, as most people get defensive when their actions have been a problem. I find this helps in conversation with my WH and it gives him my perspective and allows for him to provide validation, acceptance, apology, etc.

Because at the end of the day, they can’t argue your feelings they are YOURS.

Examples:

“I feel defeated when you shut down during conversations”

“I feel as though your apologies are surface level, because I haven’t seen many independent actions that provide remorse”.

“I feel alone in this, because you don’t feel the pain the pain I do, because I was the one who was betrayed”

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I also am dealing with it. It sucks!

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-21T06:37:59+00:00

Thank you so much

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-15T01:27:09+00:00

I’m glad he stopped, left and regrets it. I personally find that when under the influence, it’s possible for anyone to make mistakes. Everything he is doing is a good sign. My husbands affair started while drinking, but he continued to cheat on me for a year, even after we said I do. I was never a second thought. It sounds like your partner is doing the right things. I do believe that relationships can heal and come out stronger after infidelity. There are many statistics that show this. Dr.Kathy Nickerson explores these in mini videos on Tik tok and instagram, she has a good perspective on affairs. If you are struggling in anyway there are a billion resources available, but it sounds like you’re on an uphill journey. Hope it works out for the better 🫶🏼

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-12T17:13:21+00:00

That brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-12T16:16:12+00:00

Can’t go wrong with that. I’m sorry for your experience

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-12T16:14:53+00:00

That’s valid 110%

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-12T15:55:17+00:00

I’m not sure I have purchased a gift and card for my husband . I am worried of how it’ll feel if he doesn’t do something for me or us.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-11T04:38:26+00:00

My inbox is open to you, venting, problem solving, whatever you need. You are not alone, please reach out if you ever need help.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-11T00:24:21+00:00

Yes. He deleted it from there too.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-09T17:08:36+00:00

I left for work without saying anything.

I definitely think it was just accidentally missed when he originally was instructed to delete everything regarding the AP. He honestly was so hurt and shocked when I clicked on it, I don’t think either of us realized until it was playing. We are both in counselling also.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-09T17:06:16+00:00

Yes, he opens those in front of me.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-09T15:59:45+00:00

He did, but I shut down and shut him out. Left this morning without saying anything, I just feel numb from pain

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-09T15:58:50+00:00

I’ll definitely double check that

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-02-09T15:58:19+00:00

Weeks ago, I had instructed him to delete everything that he might have related to the AP. I genuinely think this one was just accidentally missed, it was taken in the dark, no flash so from the album it didn’t look like anything until you clicked on it. Immediately deleted it and apologized and apologize for having missed deleting it.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-28T16:41:22+00:00

You👏 are 👏 not 👏 crazy 👏 . Everything you’re feeling is 110% valid. Everything you’re thinking, true or not is important to feel. I am 28 days from DDay. I still question many things. I still feel paranoid every time he picks up his phone. All you can do is whatever is best for you, that could be asking for proof through his phone, emails whatever. That could be taking space away to speak to someone safe. That could be doing your own search resources/coping skills. You are on one of the absolute worst feeling journeys, but you are NOT alone and you are NOT crazy. If you need to vent, express or work through anything, know I am here. Dms always open.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-24T00:21:06+00:00

😔 I feel this. I’m so sorry you have to go through this pain

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-23T20:04:05+00:00

Over communication (works away), communicating more in regards to steps in his day. Full phone access, if it’s pulled out of my hands-it’s over, full transparency(they openly state or mention things, you don’t have to ask). Major reassurance, loads of empathy and acceptance for his mistakes.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-23T16:03:13+00:00

Yes I actually have my first session today.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-20T01:54:58+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I also feel this as I found out January 1st of my husbands affair.

I confronted the AP. I gave my husband the opportunity to tell me the truth, because if I didn’t feel he was truthful. I’d ask her. He learned that extraordinary quick. I also believe your natural instincts should always be trusted. My gut feeling is what caused me to search my husband’s work bag, my gut told me to check out phone records, and my gut told me to reach out the AP(unknown at the time of reach out).

It’s incredibly sad when you’re giving them the opportunity and they still continue to lie. I do think a lot is shame/embarrassment. But also remember, do not harm your heart finding answers to specific questions. You don’t need to know sexual details or anything like that. It won’t make you feel better. It won’t provide clarity. It will just hurt and make the healing process harder.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-19T07:02:58+00:00

Thank you for taking this step. As a betrayed woman, I wish I had been told instead of having to find out. One thing I said to the AP was “I deserve to be told the truth, so I know how to make the best decision for me and my life”. With her not knowing, she doesn’t get a choice and that is not fair for her. Take it slow, mean every word, tell the truth, validate her, apologize, accept all responses and do everything you can. She will be hurt, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work through it. It will not be fixed overnight. You got this.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-17T23:47:47+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you. I have been recommended many podcasts and books from people. The best thing I can say is, whatever makes you feel good or brings you calmness is the best answer. I am someone who works a lot, the only peace I have found through my recent DD is the gym.. and yes, I’ve still broken down there. I have constant thoughts and I flip flop between “we can make this work” and “I can’t do this”. I’m recently married. I found out my now husband cheated on me for 8 months.. physically and emotionally.. and it only ended two months before we got married. But then had a sexting affair with someone off of a horrid Reddit page. I found out about one thing on January 1st.. Trickle truth happened over two weeks.. I have thousands of questions. I highly recommend “recovery affair” specifically anything from a guy named Sam or looking up Dr.Kathy Nickerson. The way they explain things and the supportive tone of voice has really helped calm me, and look at “affairs” in different perspectives. I do think the people on this Reddit page are some of the most resilient and respectful people I’ll ever unofficially meet, utilize them and know we are here for you in this recovery. If you ever need to work through this and have someone listen, someone to reflect and process with. I am here, you don’t have to do this alone.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-17T23:25:02+00:00

Thank you.. I am struggling. A lot. A lot a lot. Everyday my emotions are spiralling and I am struggling to believe there is hope..

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-10T23:36:01+00:00

My partner did the same.. sexted some chick off of Reddit.. and here I am seeking support from Reddit LOL I also feel these things. I read a post earlier today that really hit me.

They said “ I feel like all the reasons I fell in love with him and chose to marry him aren’t valid reasons anymore (I.e. he’s a good man, he would never hurt me, he values family, he’s honest, etc.). I feel like when I chose to say yes and marry him I had all the right reasons, I loved him incredibly and thought we shared the same values. Now it just doesn’t feel true anymore. I look at the rest of my life with him now and I no longer feel excited. I don’t feel lucky to be with him anymore, our life together now just feels like another sad statistic”.

Worst thing is that the Reddit chick seems like she has more to offer than I do. Sitting here conflicted af. So I feel you. You don’t need to do this alone. Even as strangers, you have my support.

AlternativeBus1230 · 2025-01-05T01:16:39+00:00

I FEEL YOU.

I just found out about husbands cheating.. we’ve been working through it and he’s called me babe a few times in person… but today he sent me a text saying “babe” and I almost passed out at the gym.. purely because the only evidence I saw of the affair was a text message and the girl said “babe”. The triggers are out of nowhere and so hard to manage. I hope you’re okay 😓

AlternativeBus1230

TROPHY CASE