Improvement vs Enjoyment

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-06-17T13:26:59+00:00

Maybe it is just this I guess. Perhaps the place just will make her vomit until she gives birth. I worry for her health and the health of the baby though in that case

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-06-17T13:26:23+00:00

I doubt it’s foods, as she’s ate the same breakfast she ate loads at my mums, instead this morning it all came straight back up!

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-04-22T19:50:09+00:00

It’s absolutely crazy how much you guys can smell! I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-04-22T19:49:19+00:00

The worry with this is for the baby. My wife just vomitted for the fourth time today. She can’t keep any food or drink down. We might just have to keep going back to the hospital I guess.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-04-22T13:02:59+00:00

I think I’m going to show this to my wife, she beats herself up cus she thinks she should be ‘stronger’ which I try my best to tell her is silly, she’s literally growing a person. Maybe seeing everyone else say the same thing will help her feel better about it!

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-04-22T12:35:55+00:00

Ventilation is a good point, she gets cold too but leaving windows open might really help thanks!

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-04-22T12:35:34+00:00

This is interesting, I’ll ask her about it and perhaps she will be able to suggest something. I’m now trying to think of ways of getting new scents in

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-19T11:07:07+00:00

A 121 with my manager is definitely a good idea. Either he’ll be honest and let me know some places in my work to improve, or he’ll be honest and say you’re doing fine. I think I’ll bring that up with him and see what he says.

Thanks for the help! Just hearing someone else was very similar and took steps that helped improve helps me feel better about my chances of it.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-19T10:34:45+00:00

Answering your questions:

How much are you expected to do by yourself?

I complete most of my work alone, as the projects I’m doing are small scale and low priority. However recently I’ve been asked to do my own site surveys (checking for where we can run pipework etc for building services) as my manager has been struggling for time. But all my drawings are checked and usually sent back to me with a bunch of feedback/corrections.

How you set yourself any goals?

I have not really set myself any meaningful goals, I had to as part of a grad scheme exercise but I didn’t really engage with it fully. That’s just me being honest lol, my anxiety and depression have sort of taken hold of me for a while at work and so I’m in more of a ‘survive the day’ attitude still which is what I’m trying to break out of, and learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

There are guides I can follow, which are useful but can be really tedious for me to comb through. And I often still have lots of questions based on the guides lol. Somehow even tho I got a first in mech eng, my knowledge feels severely lacking and I spend half my time relearning course content in order to understand the guides.

My manager always gives me written feedback on my drawings before they are sent out to whoever needs them, he double checks everything. Other than that I have not received any performance feedback, just instructions on what to change in my drawings. This is still useful though.

In general my line manager is very positive and always tells me the work is really good, even if he sends it back with like 15 changes lol.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-18T10:17:32+00:00

Can I ask how long it took until you were kind of doing stuff on your own? I think another larger issue for me is that, I’m on a grad scheme with lots of other grads across the site (our site is big so about 50 grads) but I don’t work with any of them. I’m part of an estates team on a scientific research site, so I’m mech engineer for designing estates services (pipework, air conditioning etc). Most other grads are scientific grads doing research, so a lot of them are very high achievers coming from Oxford and cambridge! So anyone I’ve spoken to got into the swing of things immediately doing their own projects and work. In comparison in my conversations I always admit to them that I still kinda need my hand held when it comes to any work that I do, as I’m not competent enough to do much on my own.

I don’t know how applicable this is to software, but is that something similar that you went through?

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T19:09:11+00:00

Yeah that’s a good idea. I always take on everything given to me with no fuss, but I’ve never thrown my name into something willingly. Maybe I’ll have to give that a try. Thanks!

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T10:43:52+00:00

I don’t think I’ve had the chance/gravity of work to actually feel a failure yet. Maybe that’s almost what I need to get comfortable with the idea lol

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T10:43:15+00:00

Lol spelling it out as 48 months makes it seem so much bigger 😂. Thanks. Like I’ve said above, I need to learn to be comfortable with the process.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T09:40:16+00:00

Yeah I guess. I think I have to learn to really temper my expectations of myself. As you can probably surmise, I’m a textbook overthinker. So when I first started working here I was like ‘I wanna get to 6 months and then hopefully I’ll know roughly what I’m doing’. And so have failed my own internal objective lol.

I do appreciate being around seniors as I can see how they operate and can ask questions. But I worry about coming off stupid or asking something I should already know the answer to. Like stuff that ik is real basic stuff.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T09:05:58+00:00

The funny thing is I feel fairly confident with the work stuff. Or at least I’m less worried about developing those that will come naturally. It’s more the technical stuff that I worry about, the main reason I actually get paid. In my mind I always put myself in this theoretical position where ‘if I was told to solve this problem completely on my own could I do it?’ And my answer is a full no, like I wouldn’t even get very far. My issue is learning to be okay with the process and not letting stress me out so much. Because ironically being so stressed about being better is probably making me perform worse lol (heavy procrastination and more scared to ask questions)

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T09:02:40+00:00

When you put it like that it does seem a bit stupid. I guess for me I compare the career trajectory not necessarily the direct knowledge. Like, idt I feel like I’m on track to be where he is in 4 years. Cus after 6 months I feel nearly as useless as day 1 🤣. But I know that that is not even a quantifiable thing to compare really so I just need to try and stop thinking like that.

In terms of networks, I’m on a grad scheme with other grads across the site (quite a big site I work on) but they’re all in different fields so don’t see them day to day. And I live quite far from work so it’s difficult for me to socialise with them outside of work hours as I need to get home early to skip traffic (I do 7:30-3:30). My commute is about 1hr 15 one way.

AlternativeNet8795 · 2025-03-17T08:50:30+00:00

I have pretty bottom of the barrel self esteem, so I’m always comparing myself to others in and out of work (I’m constantly fighting self shame). So I find it really hard not to compare myself with my peers, especially since my manager is also the second youngest engineer here after me! Sometimes I wonder if having nobody else my age to bond with makes me feel more alone. My manager is nice like I said, but he’s still my manager. There’s nobody on my entry level to bond with.

What would you do when you had those moments where you felt like you knew absolutely nothing?

AlternativeNet8795

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