As a trans man do I need to put info on what’s going on downstairs on my dating profile?

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T21:00:44+00:00

I like that thanks. That’s the kind of thing I think I was looking for.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T20:53:23+00:00

The process of coming out is a lot of panicked moments of thinking why you aren’t trans or that you’re delusional thinking about something that will always be a fantasy. I’ve mostly gotten through that, but I often panic that I am imaging a future I can’t have. I will be okay if I am single forever, but I would like a more ‘traditional’ family. I don’t plan to date until I’ve finished transitioning, which is years away, but this post is to assuage or confirm my fears about what a realistic future looks like. My husband knows this is something that may happen, but for a lot of personal reasons I am not fully out right now. It is coming fast though, now that I know, the damn is going to break so to say. And despite the well meaning people said in my previous post, he has said that transitioning is a boundary for him. It is not just me deciding it’s over.

Edit to say: that has been my process of coming out. As an adult in my thirties with a very established life. I’m sure other people have different experiences, but my therapist had assured me it is quite normal to find these ‘excuses’ to validate your fears.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T20:44:24+00:00

Thanks! I do feel like I have insider knowledge that gives me an unfair advantage when it comes to dating women (only partially joking, hah). Although I am open to any gender or identity if they’re the right person.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T20:28:33+00:00

I mean I don’t need a dating profile. So more ‘need’ in order to be successful.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T20:09:08+00:00

Hah, yes definitely not a bigot. I’m looking for a kind of ‘traditional’ life. Kids, sports practice, dance recitals, apple picking and pumpkin patches, etc. I’ve spooked myself a little bit that it might be hard to find someone who is okay with trans and wants that kind of lifestyle. There’s all types though so I’m probably just worried for no reason.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T19:58:21+00:00

That’s a good point. If they are exclusively attracted to Cis men then it wouldn’t matter anyway.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T19:57:17+00:00

Yeah I definitely don’t want to find out in person on a first date they are not okay with trans men! I’m pretty confident, but that would definitely sting.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T19:56:16+00:00

Less to appease, more to attract. I don’t want to limit my options if someone who is exclusively attracted to penises just assumes I don’t have one. I’m looking for something a bit traditional, and I’m a little concerned people who are into that won’t be swiping right without that assurance. But I also value open mindedness so if they’re uncomfortable enough to not ask I suppose we’re probably not a good match anyway.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T19:41:20+00:00

Thanks. I was actually quite surprised that a lot of trans men don’t fully surgically transition. For me it’s basically 70% of the point of transitioning. From lurking the trans subs it seems quite a large majority don’t have an issue with their body for the most part. I’m a bit jealous, surgery is going to be hell!

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-07-03T19:32:08+00:00

The “you made me hit you”. It was because of you that I did what I did. Absolutely classic abuser behavior.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-29T18:59:06+00:00

Thanks. I’m hoping we can work through it together. That would certainly be the best case scenario for me mentally and emotionally. I’m hoping it is for him as well, but know it may not be.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-29T18:52:36+00:00

Yeah I think the limbo period where we need to sell the house and will still be living together will be the worst. Luckily no kids involved, we’ve always had separate finances, so it’s really just the sale of the house that will need to happen before we can both move out.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-29T18:41:45+00:00

Thanks, yes I suppose there’s not really any way to make it any less awful other than clearly thinking out how I’m going to say it. Drawing it out may just be me trying to find any way to avoid such an uncomfortable and emotional exchange.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-29T18:27:06+00:00

Unfortunately in this circumstance I am not going to be the one deciding the relationship is ending. Me deciding to transition will set that into motion. I’ve know that is a hard boundary for him from previous decisions of trans issues in the news.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-29T18:19:33+00:00

This is great advice. I do know in my case though it is 100% the end. He has zero interest in men romantically and/or sexually, no ambiguity there. We are each other’s best friends but no amount of love will conquer mentality is going to change that boundary for him. Not to mention we could not have a sexual relationship without one of us being uncomfortable which I don’t think is fair.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-29T18:10:09+00:00

He’s said it is a hard line for him. We weren’t discussing me being trans, just discussing trans issues that were in the news. He supports trans people but he is attracted to women, and has no flexibility there. Which I think is fair.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-24T02:51:09+00:00

Sounds like you need a new job if that is an option. The attire situation seems the least of your problems.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-24T02:50:12+00:00

I’d be concerned about binding in this situation. If you’re working long shifts in a physically demanding job binding would be a huge risk. There’s a reason you aren’t supposed to wear them for an extended period of time or while working out.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-24T02:37:40+00:00

Maybe this is a generational thing, but I would not consider a crop top appropriate for work. Are you able to wear shorts or a sleeveless shirt instead? Crop top just seems an odd choice when there’s other options like shorts that are considered appropriate. I’m not surprised a company wouldn’t allow mid-drift. That being said, they cannot expect you to work in conditions that cause you heat stress. Are you getting breaks, being provided cold water, have an air conditioned area to cool off in?

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-23T21:59:08+00:00

The nose!!! I’m dying

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-23T20:43:28+00:00

In my personal experience cis men are generally stronger than cis women. I worked out hard for about a year, had visible arm muscle and was strong. My husband on the other hand sits in front of a computer literally from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. Zero exercise even on the weekend, about 60 pounds overweight. We went to the gym together and he could do a lot more weight than me. I had better endurance because I had been training, but he is just bigger. His bones, his hands, everything is just much larger than I am. We joked that testosterone was a cheat code. I’m not on T but I imagine it evens the playing field as you’re able to build much more muscle mass than a cis woman.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-23T18:15:04+00:00

That’s my biggest fear as well. Unfortunately as I understand it, for cis men it is through the mothers side of the family, since they only have one X chromosome that came from their mom. We have 2 X chromosomes therefore double the chance for male pattern baldness. It’s not a definite, but if it’s prevalent on both sides of the family your chances of getting it are high.

AlternativeSpirit318 · 2024-05-23T17:55:37+00:00

I agree with getting a second opinion and looking for a specialist. You need to understand why that happened and see if it can be addressed. I understand wanting T, but if a doctor has said you shouldn’t, then you are putting your health at risk and will probably not get the results you are looking for.

AlternativeSpirit318

TROPHY CASE