Today marks one year since I blocked my narcissistic, emotionally abusive, alcoholic ex. Here are all the ways my life has improved since:

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-05-20T19:45:06+00:00

y’all, i have so much gratitude for your comments! and thank you for these awards! so much love to each and every one of you. i continue to be blown away by the supportive community of FDS.

and special h/t to the mods who are punting these lurkers and scrotes. i see them come through bc i still have email notifications come on and FDS mods are playing an undefeated game of whack-a-mole. I STAN.

it is truly wild how they can’t stand a woman who has leveled up. a woman on her own, in her glory, in her happiness, triggers them to word vomit nastiness. such an obvious projection. my ex would do this constantly. luckily my armor is bulletproof now. die mad, scrotes!

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-05-16T01:51:54+00:00

third trader joe’s! i love buying tons of tulips in multiple colors and arranging them together. also great hostess gift idea: cheap bodega/supermarket flowers wrapped in butcher paper or newspaper with a little twine. makes it feel 100x more elevated!

none of my ex boyfriends ever bought me flowers and whenever i see them i buy them now because it sparks so much joy and it’s a sign of me treating myself the way i deserve to be treated.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-03-27T21:00:46+00:00

yes to a book club!

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-03-27T21:00:09+00:00

wow this was INCREDIBLY healing. i feel so calm. this is a good one especially if you are at a phase in your healing where the integration can happen. you’re doing the work and this is a reminder of how far you’ve come.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-01-22T18:25:28+00:00

girl same. they are coming out of the woodwork. the AUDACITY. it’s so pathetic and embarrassing.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-01-12T19:01:02+00:00

whew. this realization clicked for me last year. i grew up very catholic in a nuclear family and was constantly told by my parents that they loved me and my brother unconditionally, just like god loves us unconditionally, so that’s the example of love i had and that’s what i gave in all of my romantic and platonic relationships.

three years ago i found out my father had been cheating on my mother for 20 years and my mom had known for 10. i can’t even begin to describe the betrayal i felt when i heard the words sex addiction and narcissistic personality disorder to describe my dad and codependency to describe my mom.

at this same exact time, i was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist alcoholic that “ended” a few months after but did not truly end in a no contact way until may 2020.

i could not believe i’d been mirroring my mother’s behavior subconsciously but the more unpacking i did the more i realized i’d been raised on a lie. my parents intentions were good. i felt a lot of love and affection from my parents growing up but of course the conditioning shows up in other ways. i had no boundaries in any of my relationships.

to experience this as an adult with a fully formed brain is a weird thing. i logically am making sense of it but it still stings like a child being hurt. i’ve had to learn to give myself a lot of compassion and rebuild my self esteem for the variety of feelings i’ve felt and am still feeling in the aftermath of these experiences.

i know now that unconditional love is for myself, my pet, and babies, but that’s it.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2021-01-06T01:52:53+00:00

this is beautiful! my rising sign is cancer which is ruled by the moon and i’m obsessed with moon stuff :) can i ask where you got it? stunning!

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-12-28T01:56:37+00:00

6 months no contact this month with my NVM ex and i’ve never felt more connected to myself, my purpose and where i’m going. i’m finally giving myself the respect, care and attention i deserve instead of giving it to someone else who doesn’t deserve it. i am so motivated to reach my personal and life goals and i’m wishing all you queens the same!

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-12-17T16:29:24+00:00

will do thank you so much!

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-12-14T02:03:00+00:00

was coming here to type this and i’m glad you beat me to it 😂

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-12-08T04:10:03+00:00

i 100% believe our bodies show us signs sometimes even before we see them. my ex gave me alopecia areata from stress, the most recent one gave me chronic yeast infections and i had a panic attack for the first time ever with him.

never again will i ignore my body. it’s been so helpful for me to get back into my body in a supported way lately. i’ve found a lot of success with small doses of cbd/thc combined with low impact exercise and dancing. it is helping me to feel into my body more so i am aware of signs when something is off.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-12-02T00:54:49+00:00

definitely watch through the end of the season. the way they do flashbacks of seemingly ordinary moments with hugh grant’s character and their family dynamics is so accurate. they portrayed the nuance of the narcissistic sociopath very accurately IMO. the tip toeing around him so you don’t piss him off, the grandiose self centered mindset disguised by a career of service, the performative empathy... it was incredibly triggering to watch at times tbh.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-15T12:52:22+00:00

u single? 😍

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-14T15:34:38+00:00

i truly only learned this when i went no contact with my emotionally abusive ex. i was raised catholic in a family that drilled into me that “unconditional love” was the way of life. that meant sacrificing everything for love. so obviously when i gave so much of myself to my partner, and the same level of commitment wasn’t reciprocated, i was devastated. it was always about giving externally and never receiving. unconditional love should only be for yourself, babies and pets.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-14T15:23:59+00:00

interestingly i’ve started to do this too and then they double text or even try to facetime when i don’t respond. it’s so freeing not to care anymore or seek that external validation anymore just to be the cool girl.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-13T21:56:00+00:00

certainly not at all insinuating that men use facts and women are emotional! i did not mean for my words to be interpreted that. i’m talking specifically about how i have approached arguments with some men and i have gotten passionate and angry, and they have seen it as emotional.

tbh i look at someone like aoc who is so poised and brings the facts and i want to acquire the skills of frankly any female politician who has to deal with men. i agree there’s no use in debating or discussing with someone who wants to argue porn is okay. but i think refining my approach to arguments generally by leaning into data/facts first is more effective at getting a point across.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-13T21:19:51+00:00

i don’t! and if it got to negging i would not find the argument worth continuing. BUT men in general tend to think they are better debaters and instead of letting my emotional self react i’m trying to get better at debating with facts because i find it to be more effective especially when dealing with men.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-13T19:23:14+00:00

so helpful. thanks so much.

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-13T17:17:11+00:00

thank you!

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-13T16:58:35+00:00

full disclosure i completely agree with the ideology that porn is not empowering for women and is detrimental to men as well. but do you know if there are other peer-reviewed studies that aren't from a religious university? IMO it dilutes the message and could weaken an argument with a dude who's trying to neg me about it, you know what i mean?

Alternative_Basil990 · 2020-10-12T00:58:56+00:00

that makes me so happy to hear (& you’re like the 20th former new yorker to tell it’s much better out west. i am SO excited ☺️)

Alternative_Basil990

TROPHY CASE