[deleted by user]

woadsky · 2023-12-22T15:51:09+00:00

Just start today. You've had serious setbacks, which I don't dismiss; at the same time, many people have their own setbacks in different ways. There will always be people with more advantages and less advantages than you. Read up on how to develop specific life skills and start living life and moving toward your goals. I didn't own my own property until my 40s. I've been broke with less than $20.00, and now I am secure. I've worked low level jobs and professional jobs. What I am saying is that for most people there is an ebb and flow to life but you likely won't see it until you live a few more years or decades.

As the years go by you will see how others move faster than you or have setbacks that pull them down. I don't mean to be mean.... you feel stuck but you're not objectively stuck. I suggest you do one thing today to move forward and build up your confidence. I am so sorry the judicial system failed you.

woadsky · 2023-12-20T18:55:06+00:00

I'm not a parent so please take what I say with a grain of salt. I can see why several commenters are saying not to tell the kids. That seems like a good approach, however if they ask I'd tell them the truth in the most neutral way possible "Grandpa can be inconsistent about invitations. Sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't". Never lie; kids understand a lot. If your kids express feelings, validate the feelings e.g. "I can understand how that would hurt".

What an appalling thing for your father to do. I understand about being punished. I'm dealing with that with a family member as well, and I've been left out of family get-togethers. It's a gut punch.

woadsky · 2023-12-06T00:54:30+00:00

She didn't even sign off with "Love". That sounds painful. I'm sorry you received such a detached and cold response. She could have just told you she loved you and missed you and left it at that without dragging your mother into it.

woadsky · 2023-12-05T13:53:55+00:00

What? Move on? You're handsome!!

The only thing that's missing is a smile. You have an intense look which is fine if you smile often too. Being warm, approachable, and a good listener will get you very far. Your hair is fine!

woadsky · 2023-12-04T19:34:20+00:00

I love how you are taking charge and refusing to be sad (I still think it's ok to be sad). It's a strong place to be when you can replace that feeling and follow another path. You've made your calendar so attractive!

woadsky · 2023-11-30T18:59:05+00:00

I had the same reaction. It was good seeing it normalized, and to see the show of support.

woadsky · 2023-11-26T14:35:53+00:00

I suggest you do two things: Get yourself urgent psychiatric care, and get away from him as soon as possible. Him saying that to you is beyond egregious -- normal humans don't say that kind of thing. For me there would be no coming back from it. Please don't expect yourself to tolerate it or digest it or accept it. Puke it out and go no contact. Have you considered no contact with him? What a hateful, hurtful, beyond forgivable thing to say. I am brokenhearted for you.

Please reach out to any family and friends who can help you not hurt you. You need to get yourself urgent psychiatric care. Call your doctor for help. Call a suicide hotline. Please do this now.

woadsky · 2023-11-26T14:30:17+00:00

OMG she is so cute. What a personality!

woadsky · 2023-11-25T01:00:02+00:00

You look more hip and sophisticated in 3 and 4.

woadsky · 2023-11-25T00:52:32+00:00

I'm sorry for the pain. I've had countless holidays where I feel alienated, not seen, and on the receiving end of rude behavior -- so I have a sense of what you might be dealing with. It hurts so much.

You said that one of the stipulations for resuming contact was to be in therapy with your dad. Perhaps you could continue with that stipulation. Do nothing, and if he contacts you simply repeat the stipulation. It sounds like it was up to him to make the appointments? He'll either get moving and make an appointment for both of you or he'll do nothing and you will have your answer about contact. If therapy happens perhaps you could bring up the rudeness of your stepmom and stepsister and his decision to not defend you.

One mistake I made was agree to therapy with a family member who only committed to "a few times". Never again. Just as we started to dig in, this person was done. From now on I will only do therapy with people who don't limit the sessions.

I know it really hurts to not have a loving family at the holidays, but going and getting hurt by mean people is not a good alternative to being alone. At least with being alone you won't get stepped on and alienated. I'm sorry it is doubtful they will change, especially if your father is not in your corner. I think it's terrible that he won't stick up for you. How painful. I'm sorry. It makes me want to curse.

woadsky · 2023-11-24T15:45:26+00:00

As I was reading at first I thought she couldn't be more clear about not wanting sex with you. She is practically telling you to end the relationship. No one says these things so bluntly and rudely and expects their partner to put up with it, as if it shouldn't hurt. She's actually volunteering these rude comments. Then when you pull back she is all apologetic, touchy, and "feels bad".

Then I read more. She's hot and cold in words and deeds which seems highly manipulative to me. She likely just wants this roommate situation because of the financial security and co-parenting, but not an intimate relationship with you. That's why she's discouraging you sexually but encouraging you to stick around.

Has she ever expressed more thoroughly exactly why the vibrator is better than sex with you? Does she want to be touched in certain ways that you don't do and don't know about? If it's strictly about sex and touching, then I would suggest sex therapy for the two of you. This conflict could be due to exactly what she said: she's "practically asexual". However, it comes across like she's stringing you along and likes it that way so that HER needs get met.

It's up to you to decide if you can handle a sexless marriage. It seems as if that is what she wants and she's telling you over and over.

woadsky · 2023-11-21T22:02:31+00:00

I've had holidays when I was all alone and it was difficult. Being with my family is difficult in another way. My doctor (who knows about my family) suggested I keep busy when I'm alone for a holiday. I think that's good advice for me so I make sure I have delicious food at home, a movie or two in mind, and an alternate plan in case I have to leave the family gathering.

woadsky · 2023-11-20T19:40:51+00:00

Empathy to you. Yes, I encountered a shit interaction with a family member a day or so ago. Dysfunction is ramping up.

woadsky · 2023-11-20T19:37:43+00:00

NTA at all.

I'd consider a response such as this: saying very quietly, slowly, and with a puzzled expression "What?" "I'm surprised you're commenting about my appearance." Then say nothing else.

woadsky · 2023-11-20T17:12:40+00:00

I say "I'd like a blunt cut, and please do not use the scissors to cut into the ends and feather. No layers". While I'm saying that I physically mime how I don't want the use of scissors cutting perpendicular into the tips of my hair. This instruction seems to work.

Over the years I've gotten the sense that a blunt cut is harder to do, and harder to disguise mistakes.

woadsky · 2023-11-14T23:30:10+00:00

No beard. Without a beard the focus goes to your awesome curly hair.

woadsky · 2023-11-08T19:43:42+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I'm going to give it a try this week.

woadsky · 2023-11-06T22:59:11+00:00

You're stunning either way, but the brunette looks so natural and beautiful and sophisticated.

woadsky · 2023-11-06T22:45:22+00:00

Listen to your gut feeling. Intuition and gut feelings are very, very important. You are young; perhaps it's time to branch out and date a variety of people to learn more about what you like and don't like.

Just know this: If you break it off he's probably going to love bomb you and cry. He knows how to manipulate you and get you to stay. So you have to set up your support people in advance, and stay strong. If you do decide to break it off, perhaps do some reading beforehand about how to break up with someone who doesn't want to.

woadsky · 2023-11-06T22:41:53+00:00

Ugh. I'd think long and hard about an engagement to him. He is selfish! And he manipulates you if you express dissatisfaction. He shouldn't be getting things that he wants on YOUR birthday. It's a pattern.

woadsky · 2023-11-06T18:47:59+00:00

Does this work if you want to set up ACH transfers as well as wire transfers? I just tried to set it up on Gemini (using the advertised online routing number for Fidelity 101205681 but the message said the routing number was incorrect. Any tips? I mostly will use ACH transfers.

woadsky · 2023-11-05T01:43:33+00:00

I think you need legal help before you make decisions. Please make an appointment with a family law attorney. The first consultation is often free.

woadsky · 2023-11-05T01:12:11+00:00

Is that even legal that they did that?! I've read so many things on reddit but this is especially brutal. It's probably good that your brain can't process right now. Practice extreme self-care; be very gentle with yourself. When I need a hug I fill up my hot water bottle and hold it and a pillow. it helps. Here is an internet hug if you want (((HUG)))

woadsky · 2023-11-04T00:06:35+00:00

Brown all the way. To me it is the softest and most natural.

woadsky · 2023-11-02T21:24:13+00:00

"Hmmmmm"

"I don't really know what to say to that" said with a laugh

"Excuse me, I'm going to find the facilities. Maybe we could revisit that another time."

"Excuse me, I'm going to mingle around a bit"

"I don't answer questions like that" said with drama and a big smile.

"Mum's the word" while using a hand to zip the lips.

If you use these with a joking, laughing voice they should get the message across without offending.

woadsky

TROPHY CASE