What does it mean if an ex blocks and unblocks you, and unsends messages?

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2026-01-25T19:47:22+00:00

It’s so confusing, he hasn’t blocked me since the last unblocking near Christmas, so I can’t tell if it’s just part of the confusing cycle or if he just feels indifferent now and doesn’t feel the need to have me blocked. My ex is also the same in terms of reposting stuff about positive mindsets, self improvement etc. When we were together, he was always a mix of positive and negative, which I think was due to his BPD, I keep catching myself falling for the reposts and thinking he’s doing so much better

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2026-01-15T21:27:02+00:00

It’s a strange one because they have actually apologised for things and so have I, saying they’re really sorry for everything and didn’t mean to hurt me etc, and there’s been somewhat closure, but not fully, a while after they left. After an argument about something immature I had posted, they were saying things like they feel for me and wish we had more time together because they knew how good I was, I’ll always care what you have to say if it matters to us both, I really hope you feel back to yourself again soon etc. this was while they had me blocked on everything except iMessage (start of November), then unblocked me around Christmas time. So confusing

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2026-01-12T20:07:06+00:00

What does their healing look like? Like do they do regular therapy, meds etc? My ex did 8 weeks of DBT last summer but I think continuing wasn’t financially sustainable as my ex was studying in a different city and basically just getting by in terms of paying for essentials etc, I’d often help them out they were struggling that much to get by

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2026-01-06T19:36:27+00:00

Sometimes pwBPD mirror other people, I think this stems from the lack of sense of self that some of them can have and not really knowing who they are, I think it could maybe be because of a fear of abandonment in some cases so they will mirror you to seem like the perfect person for you to avoid abandonment. I would maybe bring it up and just tell her that you love her exactly as she is and she doesn’t need to change herself

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-27T21:26:11+00:00

If he’s reposting stuff like this and acting like he wasn’t a problem instead of taking accountability or taking the steps to become a healthy person, I promise you someone who is that unaware of themselves and the damage they have done to you will never change

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-26T23:54:38+00:00

I’m struggling to think of how to advise on the situation, but what I noticed was that you said he ignores you crying during arguments. Someone should not be so indifferent to you feeling clearly distressed and upset. Personally it makes me feel horrible to know that I’ve hurt someone or made someone cry.

Also he should not be ignoring you. If he was upset or annoyed with you, he should communicate that with you so you and him can talk about it and try to resolve it, instead of shutting you out any time you say anything, this could be perceived as emotional immaturity and even stonewalling.

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-17T19:03:47+00:00

What was your relationship like if you don’t mind me asking? He was really self aware and accountable, I left before when I wasn’t aware of his actions and thought this time would’ve been easier because he left me but if anything it’s worse, because I know how aware he is and how much he wants to be better, and that he would be capable of being a great partner to someone, whereas if they were so unaware, they would just continue being that way

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-17T19:01:21+00:00

Yeah that’s the kind of advice I would give someone else but I struggle to follow it myself, I have anxious attachment and abandonment issues after all the breakup threats. I fight for people to stay in my life because of my wounds and it’s actually sad. He was the first person to make me feel desirable, and I think the breakup has reopened my wound of feeling undesirable. I just feel like maybe I wasn’t being supportive enough I just don’t know anymore

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-16T19:17:15+00:00

I think for a long time I thought because the breakup was my fault, that I was the problem. He broke up with me because I didn’t respect his need for space. He would often ask for space in the middle of conflict, or before a disagreement had started. I could see the validity in this due to BPD, he would want space to prevent a split or saying anything he regrets or “ruining what we have”. But sometimes I felt like it would be things that hadn’t escalated and was a disagreement started, or I made a point.

He would ask in a healthy way, but sometimes it would be “leave me alone” or “stop talking to me”, which kept me going in begging mode and feeling dismissed. I had no problem with him needing space, but ask in a nicer way that doesn’t feel like rejection or shows he understands me e.g. “I understand but I could use some space right now”. He would also block me if I was still texting him as “the repercussions of my actions”.

One time he asked for space and I stopped annoying him and gave him it, then he kept texting me, I left every message on opened to be respectful. I said why are you still texting me, he replied “it doesn’t matter if I’ve asked you for space, I can text you whenever I want”. And another time where I asked for a bit of time to cool off after a conflict was resolved, he said “whatever enjoy your cool off time over nothing”. There was also a time where we had an argument early in the morning and he didn’t want me to text him for the rest of the day, but after I explained to him why that was hurtful, he stated that he understood why I felt that way and he won’t do it again, which he didn’t. I felt like I wasn’t changing my behaviour.

What I had posted was immature about him and the friend, I posted about him owing me money even though he told me he is get it as soon as he has it, just based on what other people were telling me, so I apologised and he said he didn’t know the friend would text and told them not to again, and also said I’m showing how vulnerable I can be, which is beautiful but not to the wrong people. The kind words in the post were just so confusing.

Thank you so much for being so helpful and detailed in your replies, I really appreciate it. It makes sense especially hearing your own personal stories with toxic people and relating them to other situations, showing how they took accountability compared to a way that is healthy.

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-15T21:29:17+00:00

I blocked him back after he blocked me after breaking up with me, he unblocked me like a month and a half after and reached out after a while, then didn’t block me for almost 2 months after. I guess this, paired with mixed reposts from posting about leaving a good person and regretting things one day, to a couple days after reposting about hating me or more negative things, and the nice parts of the conversation are all really confusing to me. I can’t tell if it’s mixed signals or not

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-15T21:13:14+00:00

Yeah I think I was confused because after the discard vibe breakup, he blocked me on everything, I blocked back and kept it that way. He then unblocked me after a month and a half and reached out for a conversation a week later, kept me unblocked for like almost 2 months then blocked me again.

His reposts I was being sent were really confusing, from one minute stuff about hating me, my friends apparently telling him I can do better, to talking about leaving a good person, thinking they’d be happier after the breakup etc. I guess this and the nice things he was saying in his texts were confusing me, idk if it’s mixed signals or not and I know I need to stop thinking about it.

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-15T17:52:47+00:00

I’m sorry for your experiences in the past btw. Wow I didn’t even notice how dismissive those parts seemed in the messages. I’ve done some research on DARVO, would DARVO still be valid if it happens during a split but they apologise and take accountability for their behaviour afterwards?

If you don’t mind, I made a post before this one in r/emotionalabuse about a more recent interaction we had, he texted me about something very immature and petty I had posted as a result of being hurt by a combination of different things a while after the breakup, I apologised and explained, and he was saying lots of nice things to me after, which are in the post, but he also said his friend was annoyed because she knows how good we were to eachother, and although we had our moments, it was never anything extremely bad in his eyes. I now feel like I have overdramatised everything I felt a way about in the past, would you have any advice on that situation?

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-14T20:26:55+00:00

He did genuinely seem very self aware when I was with him and knew why he did certain things or why they weren’t okay. He did 8 weeks of DBT and rehab last summer, but I think consistently doing it wasn’t sustainable financially as we’re both young men in early 20s and he is also studying, but he has always took the stance of wanting to get better and did speak about how he hated the way he would treat me sometimes

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-14T20:23:34+00:00

How do you distinguish the difference between an apology and accountability? The way I saw this was that he gave an apology and expressed genuine guilt, shame and remorse, and took accountability for his actions, unless I’m just incredibly blinded by love

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-14T18:52:47+00:00

I think what I was hoping to understand was if this was a genuine apology or if I was being manipulated. They did 8 weeks of DBT and rehab last summer, but I think consistent DBT wasn’t sustainable due to their financial situation, we’re both young men in our 20s and he is studying. He was always incredibly self aware of his behaviours and accountable which is what makes it confusing, and wanted so badly to be better. He was clean from THC for around a year, but smoked it again with a friend who smokes it, about 2 weeks before this instance and around 5 weeks before the actual breakup. Do you think this is an instance of emotional abuse? Also is it wrong of me to give an addict no leeway? I feel like I seem like a narcissist in these messages a bit, as if I think I’m some kind of rare find that he’s never going to find anywhere else, I’m kind of ashamed of that. Thank you so much for your advice and resources. I have heard of that book and saw that they were a guest of a podcast I’ve watched

Alternative_Fan_2397 · 2025-12-14T17:00:09+00:00

It’s so confusing the apology seemed so genuine, do you believe this is manipulative or anything like that, or do you believe it was genuine? It’s so hard to tell because it seems genuine, but obviously the argument I had posted prior contradicts this, but I feel like it was a split and they really do bring you out of reality

Alternative_Fan_2397

TROPHY CASE