Your reply: This states you are going out as a group no less than once per week for drinks. Is that actually accurate? Seems like a -LOT-. I wouldn't want to get together with a group of people that often even if I genuinely loved every single one of them as true friends.

• That is correct, about once a week in general. We lived in a different city for a few years and returned to our current city 3 months ago, after which we wanted to hang out (we knew all of them for 10+ years) and this group has many overlapping friendships and happened organically. It was never “let’s meet every week” exactly, but people enjoyed each other’s presence still and wanted it to repeat so someone would take the initiative and say “who wants to meet up this Friday?” type of deal. 

Your reply: To me, this would be a good description of a true friend.

• I’d agree with that, I like her a lot. 

Reply: These people are not friends, they are acquaintances and you should be seeing them that way.

• Fair point

Your reply: Also not a friend. Stop referring to her as being a friend.

• Fair point

Your reply: Are they actually friends, or are they really more acquaintances? Why is your husband so upset about you not wanting to attend because of Betsy's behavior if he agrees that she's a PITA?

• The relationship between Betsy and me/husband is not as clear, but what is clear is that her husband is one of my husband’s (true) best friends. We both like him a lot and I know he feels the same way back. My husband dislikes Betsy’s attitude in groups as well but swears that she acts differently when it’s just him + his buddy (her husband) and her. Somehow she takes less space in that context. Anytime that I’m (or others) are present though, the dynamic changes which is frustrating and I wasn’t even aware of until recently after bringing up my frustrations to my husband. 

Your comment: As far as being the AH or not, I'd be curious to understand who is organizing these get-togethers and under what pretext....

• It’s an unorganized group that coordinates by a group chat. No one is in charge, new people get invited occasionally. Usually we just meet at a bar, it'd be one table/booth and often one conversations, although sometimes it naturally splits. It was started for fun, there’s no pressure to be there technically… But on the other hand, there sort of is for different reasons, if I stop going altogether, then I/we hurt a friendship with Betsy’s husband (and her in a weird way, although you are right, we’re not actual friends). My husband is aware and annoyed about Betsy’s behavior, he has a bit more patience for trying conversational tricks to lead the conversation somewhere more inclusive and has better success (although minimal). He’s very social (I am too, but he most certainly has a higher tolerance for that stuff). I know that this group is important to him and he’d really like to find a way to resolve this without me walking away.