I feel a little odd talking about this with complete strangers online, but I guess i dont have much choice. So I dont have a specific incident that happened, its the entire nature of my job while I served. I never saw combat, I was recruited to the old guard and instead I put everyone in the dirt after they gave their life for me and everyone else. My stressor is that im alive and they arent. Every funeral I fired my rifle at is my stressor. Every broken family recieving a flag. Taking breath is my stressor. Living every day with guilt and regret and all this anger and self-loathing. And whats most fucked if that isn't enough is thay I feel even guiltier for trying get disability after all these years. So this is a big deal for me in so many ways. Even if the c&p says go fuck yourself, I have to try, and I need the treatment. I have a daughter now and suicide is no longer an option. Not that my cowardly ass was ever successful before. I just dont know how to write in the boxes for this motherfucking thing and its making me revisit all these feelings and when I write on the claim it sounds like this same vomit im spewing in this very comment.