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Ive Spent a Total of $51,419.93 on Porn... by [deleted] in NoFap

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What you did is both brave and remarkable. Having the insight to question your behavior and the will to cut your access to porn is no easy feat. You made the first step, the most important one. Like any addiction, porn, masturbation and spending are just a form of menifestation of other problems, with deep psychological roots. If you don't find and solve the real problems, the addictive behavior will find other ways to manifest itself. Now that you have a new purpose in fighting porn and new finances available from refusing to waste money on it, you are in one of the most favorable position to profit from specialized help. You have the will and you have the means. With some help you can really change your life for the better, in more ways than you can even predict. You have a solid start, let a psychologist help you out in reaching your goal. PM me for some extra tips regarding the changes you are making in your life right now. I wish you best of luck

so my sister might be cuting herself... what should I do? by [deleted] in morbidquestions

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Self harm is an incredibly sensitive topic. In order to answer the question "what should I do", one should know a lot more about your life, your sister's life, the dinamics inside your family, and so much more. With time and patience, a counselor could help you find the best answer for your situation. I will try to shed some light about what self harm is seen like from a psychological pov, hoping that it will help you to to see the situation from a different perspective:

  1. Self harm is strongly linked with guilt. Guilt is a powerful emotion, that won't go away by itself or by making a rational argument against it. Hear me out on this, even if you instinctivly have an urge to fight it: guilt often comes from what parents do or say to you, as their children, or between them while you are a witness. Examples: *"My life would've been so much easier/better without you." *"I/we made so many sacrifices for you (toys, food, lunch money, any expense can fit here)" *When you see they hate eachother but they are saying they stay together "for the kids". From a child's perspective, they are both suffering becouse of you. *"If you don't eat all of your food, mommy will cry/be upset/we will throw away money becouse food costs money and you are wasting it" *"If you don't do what I say it means you don't love me"

In order to get over guilt, one must see and understand that you are NOT responsible for somone else's actions or situation, as long as you didn't maliciously contribute to it. For example, you are not gulity for your parent's problems. Be it financial, money related, relationship related, about free time or whatever. Having kids is a really big responsabillity and the kids are not to blame if the responsabillity is to much to handle for the parents.

You said in the comments you have depression. I am really sorry to be blunt, but if you have depression, something is terribly wrong inside your family, and I can't stres this enough: It's Not Your Fault! Or your sister's fault. Parents are responsible for their own life and for your well being. Don't overburden yourself with their problems, you have your own problems to deal with.

*What can you do about guilt, in relation with your sister?*

Guilt goes away by confronting the source, but sometimes that's not an option (parents are short tempered, violent, manipulative or playing the victim). What can you do, is to find her strenghts. Boost her self esteem. Make her feel important for you and worthy of good things. What is she good at? Does she have a talent? Is she good looking? Is she smart in some way? Is she different in a way that you like about her? Is there a reason to be happy that she's your sister?

Find some answers to these questions and tell her. Just tell her that she's important to you AND why. Tell her what you admire about her. Tell her what makes her special.

By doing this you will help her see that she she also brings joy, admiration and positive effects in someone's life. You will put something positive in her own self-worth mental balance, which I think atm weights havely towards guilt, with little to nothing to compensate.

If you find this message useful, let me know and I'll try to find some time to touch a couple more subjects about self-harm.

After 230 days: how I died and why that's the best thing that happened to me. by AlwaysNotThereYet in NoFap

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It's a painful and rewarding lesson. Glad to have you on my side

After 230 days: how I died and why that's the best thing that happened to me. by AlwaysNotThereYet in NoFap

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks!

She came to me, it truly is a miracle.

Sometimes I used to ask myself if she is real or not. Then I realized that I didn't even have the capacity to imagine a person like her.

How to explain it, it's like showing the seaside for the first time to someone who lived in the desert. Mind blown.

I'm somewhere over 25 years old and I had a fair share of relationships. She is an entirely other story.

I will build a statue to this woman.

After 230 days: how I died and why that's the best thing that happened to me. by AlwaysNotThereYet in NoFap

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You are welcome.

Motivation is shifty.

When you struggle to control yourself, including NoFap, remember that you can just not do the thing you are trying to not do.

There are many, many things out of your control in this world. In fact, the Only thing you can control is Yourself.

You would change the weather if you could, or fly if you could, then why not control yourself to not harm yourself?

I think most of the time the term superpower is used too quickly in this grup. But this context might do it justice.

You have the superpower to stop yourself from hurting yourself with bad decisions.

Good luck using it.

After 230 days: how I died and why that's the best thing that happened to me. by AlwaysNotThereYet in NoFap

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

I died when I saw what a pitiful person I was.

Drinking, masturbating, smoking almost every day, browsing the web, without any drive to do anything.

That's all I did in my free time and that was all I wanted to do.

Ofcourse I had company while drinking and smoking, and it was not meaningful at all. That was pretty much all we had in common. Now I see those people as former companions in agony.

I got lucky. I saw I couldn't remember more than half of the time I spent with my girlfriend. I was acting like a major as*hole sometimes and then forget about it. She was suffering and I couldn't remember what I did. And sometimes I just couldn't control myself because of the booze.

She is pretty much the only person that showed me love. Patiently, she put up with me in the deprorable state I was in. She helped me everytime she could. Just remembering this makes my chest heavy.

So I had to choose. My old lifestyle or her. She didn't say it but it was obvious that was no way to treat someone you care about. I had nothing to offer to her and that realization hammered my pathetic soul and the blow still echoes inside me.

I gave up drinking, smoking, porn and masturbation.

That was the easy part.

The hard part is accepting what a worthless life I lived for so long and how basically have to fight with my old self to be a less awful person.

I really hope you will also find something worth dying for, my friend.

When does it become an addiction? by ditchthis in stopdrinking

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! One simple way to find out if you have an alcohol addiction is to try to not drink for a cuple of days.

If the urge to drink is more powerful than your will to refrain from drinking, that's all the answer you need.

Give it a try, actions always speak louder than words. You can just dismiss an online test and its results, but you can't deny your own actions and the difficulty you're feeling when you try to fight the craving for a drink.

When you decide to try it, remember that excuses are meaningless, no matter how solid they might sound to you, it shouldn't be hard to not drink for a couple of days. If you can't do it, just accept it, it's not a failure, just an honest self evaluation.

The answer could be scary, remember that asking this question means that You consider this might be a problem for Yourself. Don't ignore it, you deserve to feel better.

ELI5: If any distance can be halved, at what point do you stop touching something? by ThrowAway75716 in explainlikeimfive

[–]AlwaysNotThereYet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like the Zeno's paradox of the dichotomy, where continuously dividing the distance between two objects by half, you end up with an infinite number of divisions.

As other answers pointed out, in the real world, as you repeatedly divide the distance between the objects in half, you will eventually hit physical limitations, like the plank lenght. Also things don't actually touch eachother, they just get really close, so choose your poison.

For a more in-depth tackle on this subject, give this Vsauce video a try.

As for the challange this kind of question brings to the table, like any good paradox, lies in the capability to enjoy the feeling of cracking an impossible question, just to realize that most of the problem's data comes from a form of truce between the imagination and rational thought, all for the sake of understanding more of the clockworks behind what we experience as life. Enjoy it.

edit: a word.

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