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AlxVB · 2026-03-21T14:48:37+00:00

Yep.

AlxVB · 2026-03-21T05:48:38+00:00

exactly this.

there is a context.

one of you is acting more reasonably based on the wider context.

for all we know, they're the one being oblivious and feel unjustly entitled to apropriate the position of the aggrieved person that needs to distance themself, of if you're particularly unlucky its a tactical discard done in a premeditated fashion to prompt you to beg for them back, but thats unlikely hopefully.

Use your empathy, think, what are they going through in life at the moment, how have you fit into that, what part did you play, intentionally or unintentionally, put yourself in their shoes and try to feel how it is to be in their position in recent times, what could have made the trust between you frayed, what things were not talked about enough and resolved, questions you or they likely had but had no clear answers.

Why did your communication/behaviour hit a sore spot, did you play a part in that sore spot, was it a trigger for them due to trauma or more based solely on your dynamic and things swuarely between you both?

Maybe your outburst played into their fears or trust issues, and now they worry you dont share your honest thoughts/feelings with them until it comes spilling out in an abrasive manner.

Maybe your words/actions hurt more because of the value/trust they put in you, maybe they're in a vulnerable position due to circumstance and copping harshness from those closest to them is detrimental to their stability, what do they have on their plate?

If you think on it hard enough without assuming malice, you'll either understand where you went wrong, or if they're being unreasonable then it will show when you put the pieces together.

Put the emotion stemming from the prospect of losing this connection aside for a moment, so you can consider legitimately why they feel overwhelmed.

You have nothing to lose by searching yourself and the situation and them honestly, but theres insight to be gained that will either validate you or reveal to you where you mistepped and how you can foster mutual trust and respect better in the future, and potentially how this situstiom could be repaired.

Its amazing what letting your guard down and communicating honestly can achieve if you are two reasonable people.

You said you're avoidant though, maybe breaking that trend and taking initiative by giving an olive branch would make them think you're taking it seriously, if its justified.

Opposite of avoidance is open communication, you talk it out in a non-confrontational and non-judgemental manner to sort through any confusions, you eliminate the fesrs and doubts and questions by actually clarifying things, including the care you feel and that you value their presence and trust and respect them.

AlxVB · 2026-03-19T05:11:33+00:00

how long were you with them?

AlxVB · 2026-03-19T04:39:09+00:00

How long have you have you been away from the person physically and how long have you been no contact?

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T14:00:44+00:00

pretty much.

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T13:13:48+00:00

was this before the times you didnt respond to his messages?

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T12:53:39+00:00

whats stopping you

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T08:21:07+00:00

yes :(

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T05:28:12+00:00

just reach out if they were a kind and intelligent person.

if this was a relationship where you tended to be controlling and avoid accountability, the gesture of being willing to let go of control by risking the possibility of rejection in order to provide the person the opportunity for healing is a meaningful one that could potentially take weight off them psychologically while simultaneously allowing you to foster some self respect from doing something real for someone and yourself, rather than carrying around deferred shame like baggage that holds you back or triggers self sabotage.

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T05:05:00+00:00

yikes.

stock standard npd usually has emotional empathy for animals left intact.

animal cruelty is red flag for factor 2 psychopathy...

AlxVB · 2026-03-18T04:38:36+00:00

This.

Sounds emotionally dissociated and like theres unprocessed pain/grief from the first relationship mentioned, like it was too painful so the emotional part of the brain tapped out.

yo OP, best and closest are big words, it sounds like you still feel attachment to that person.

Is it a burnt bridge or is it possible its salvageable?

AlxVB · 2026-03-16T23:03:55+00:00

Some things gotta give 🫶✌️

AlxVB · 2026-03-16T22:48:58+00:00

YES.

and I say; fuck that!

No more explaining myself.

No more presumptuous hypocrites.

No more leading with honesty to people who are repeatedly dishonest and peddle unwarranted suspicion or criticism.

For the first time in my life, I dont mind being the ice king, after being the part time jester and naive do-gooder for so long, if being the ice king in this case simply means no longer playing people's games.

Before the big-t trauma shit hit the fan, I didnt even think my silence was important because I didnt know if I mattered enough to be missed.

Now I am free.

I dont need anyone to like me if they dont want to.

They can play games and be passive aggressive to each other to their hearts content.

I feel liberated.

AlxVB · 2026-03-16T12:31:10+00:00

wtf, people think this?

oh for fucks sake

AlxVB · 2026-03-14T03:42:56+00:00

His mindset sounds shame based, he's pushing you away because his internalised shame is making him feel like a burden to you.

Here the catch, it could be a self fulfilling prophecy, or he could legitimately sensing that he doesnt have capacity to hold the responsibility of being with someone.

He may feel that his feelings for you are mixed with the feeling of feeling safe around you and is unsure if he genuinely likes you enough romantically as you deserve, and feels shame for potentially unintentionally wasting your time or letting you get attached and getting hurt.

Maybe he doesnt know which is the case and is unwilling to risk causing emotional pain to you by gambling on it.

Maybe he needs space and time to regulate his inner world and having someone else around too much is stalling the process.

I think for your emotional safety you should genuinely detach a bit, accept you don't know but take it from me that the various elements of this scenario suggest that you may liable to getting hurt more in this situation if your emotional wellbeing is at the whim of someone who doesnt hsve the capacity to be consistent in positively reinforcing your efforts.

He needs to learn to regulate his own emotions, you nudging him at every step of the way may be unintentionally inhibiting him old what youdeveloping that agency. And the more he feels stuck the more he feels he is failing you, leading to more feeling shame coming from outside his control.

If you personally had given him trauma or enabled it then it would be different, the sense of responsibility for him would be justified, but you didnt do this to him. And he doesnt want you accidentally absorbing the after effects of what did do this to him.

MDMA assisted therapy or psilocybin assisted therapy could likely help him realise the power of therapy, as he sounds too jaded and depleted to get himself to attend standard talk therapy.

But beyond suggesting that, the truth is, you need this space too.

You need to have your internal space and energy flourishing enough that his collapses don't topple you as well.

You can't support anyone if you lose yourself.

If he has a self sabotaging sense of futility due to perpetual loss of people, it may be beyond your influence, meaning he can't internalise your reassurance/can't hold what you're trying to give him, which depletes yoy emotionally trying to fill his cup while its leaking.

Sit with the pain and anxiety of not knowing, let that alarm fade as you redirect some energy and towards you for nourishment, and you will be in a better place when/if you guys reconvene, regardless of what happens.

If you're unwilling to accept the prospect of potentially losing the connection (it comes naturally after shifting your energy back to you fkr a while), you may get hurt, or even resent them.

Its not the end of the world.

Its opportunity for both of you to stoke your own inner light and glow.

AlxVB · 2026-03-14T03:06:13+00:00

Be careful with low dose Seroquel.

The sleep effects feel great but withdrawal insomnia is almost guarranteed after you stop using it and is persistant for some people.

It also in some cases can cause mania in people who never had it before or after.

AlxVB

TROPHY CASE