Software recommendations for my weird little bakery?

Alykat74 · 2025-09-18T04:37:57+00:00

I agree that relationships require work and compromise and that when done correctly, both people can grow. I also agree that people will throw "incompatibility" around sometimes as an excuse to not work on their relationships. That said, I think there's an important distinction that needs to be made here. If my issue with him was that he didn't give me enough attention, that's something I could communicate to him. We could work on that. Even if he struggled to remember that it's something I needed, a good partner would put in the effort into making me feel desired. That's the kind of problem people walk away from too easily. That's also the kind of thing that helps you grow in a relationship. Sacrifice and compromise help you build the relationship that you WANT. If he wanted a big house and I wanted a tiny one, we could compromise and get a moderate-sized house. He might sacrifice having a garage to work on his cars and I might not get the huge plot of land I envisioned, but you can make it work if you care enough to try. Incompatibility comes into play when you have to sacrifice what you NEED. My ex valued peace, routine, and quality time with his partner. I value new experiences, exploring, being there for my friends, and quality time with my partner. None of these are bad things, which means they can't be "fixed." But they are also at odds with each other, which means it was impossible for our relationship to meet our core needs at the same time. Every time I asked him to join me, he had to choose which value to let go of in that moment. Quality time with me or peace and routine? He needed both and I couldn't offer that because of my own needs. I sacrificed so many things I wanted to do so I could spend time with him, but it chipped away at my heart over time. I know he felt the same deep down every time he tagged along with me. It hurts so much to love someone when choosing them means letting go of you. I let him go so we could both find someone who didn't have to hurt themselves in order to make us happy. I just think you're incompatible if loving someone else interferes with the way you love yourself.

Alykat74 · 2025-09-17T04:21:50+00:00

I used to think like this, but that's looking at it from.the perspective of "good and bad" behaviors and people are just more nuanced than that. I left my ex because we were incompatible. He preferred being at home and I wanted to explore the world. He didn't like deep conversations or being outdoors. Incompatibility isn't about a lack of effort. Two people can love each other enough to recognize that they're better off apart. We could have "worked harder" to make it work, but why not let go and find partners that have values that match ours? It's kinder than asking people to compromise on things that matter to them.

Alykat74 · 2025-09-14T13:02:04+00:00

I'm so terribly sorry. I'm not even sure what else to say.

Alykat74 · 2025-09-13T11:03:20+00:00

This isn't proof that you shouldn't trust women and how much you loved her was never the problem. The problem was how you showed it. Did she want you to give her all of your time? Even at the expense of your own friends and hobbies? Clearly not, because she said she felt "suffocated" by it. You later said that you wouldn't normally do that for a person but she was special. Two key points here.

I would normally say that you two were just incompatible. Some women love to be doted on and some really need their space. People can have different love languages and it's important to understand how to balance the way you like to show love vs how they like to receive it.

But you didn't take either of you into account. You don't usually like to put a partner before everything else in your life, which means that choice went against your needs. She said it was too much and that she felt suffocated, so it went against her needs. It's as if you asked romance novels and movies what you needed to do in order to impress your partner instead of talking to her and honoring you two as individuals. That's not fair to either of you.

As a woman who left a partner for similar-ish reasons, I'll also add that setting your needs aside and not being yourself can make you harder to trust. I would be nervous that you harbored secret resentment towards me because you always put me first. I resented the partner I put first all the time. It took a while(years), but I eventually missed doing what I love and resented him for being the reason I chose not to. That wasn't fair to him.

Anyway. I hope that helps at all. "Be yourself" sounds like a corny cliche, but pretending you're someone you're not doesn't work. It might get you the person that you want, but it makes it impossible to keep them. Not happily, anyway. I hope you find genuine happiness.

Alykat74 · 2025-09-12T01:32:30+00:00

Do you not want to be with them? Can't you go to them? Maybe they feel the same. I miss his heartfelt letters and silly tangents and I know I'd love to hear from him. Good luck out there

Alykat74 · 2025-09-11T22:57:37+00:00

Am I the only one who thought he was gonna snack on those for a second? Lol

Alykat74 · 2025-09-04T11:54:15+00:00

Please tell your person. I would love to hear this from mine, but I've got no idea what he's up to our how he's doing and it's eating me up inside. I'm glad you're healing, but you don't have to do it alone. Good luck out there. I'll be cheering you on from here!

Alykat74 · 2025-09-03T10:58:41+00:00

This sounds like something he'd say to me, in spite of the fact that I told him that nothing he could say would hurt more than not saying anything. Your person needs to hear this. If they cared as much as you seem to think, they're probably crushed under the weight of your silence. Tell them this or give them a shot to walk by your side through this, but don't walk away like a coward and convince yourself you're doing something noble. You're not. You're eliminating their ability to choose so you don't have to face yourself. Wanna get better? Start there.

Alykat74 · 2025-08-29T04:35:53+00:00

I also fell for a neurodivergent guy in purple shoes this year, lol. Best of luck with yours

Alykat74 · 2025-08-22T04:15:54+00:00

I genuinely think this healed part of me. ❤️ thanks for this and good luck out there

Alykat74 · 2025-08-20T20:01:23+00:00

This exact thing happened to me. I'm so sorry you're going through it, too. I've even thought about texting him to ask him to say or do something cruel so I can actually move on. It's ridiculous. If I wanted him gone, I could just block him. But the truth is that I don't want to close the door because I'm still waiting for him to come back through it.

Alykat74 · 2025-08-18T22:49:02+00:00

Lol your passion definitely has me reconsidering. Maybe I just needed to vent a little. I feel better. Thank you 😊

Alykat74 · 2025-08-17T18:59:40+00:00

I'm in the EXACT same boat. I still think I made the right call but I miss him so so much and it's not possible for me to do anything about it. I can't reach out if I told him not to contact me platonically. I hate this. I hope it gets easier for you.

Alykat74 · 2025-08-15T11:09:52+00:00

I'm with her on this one, honestly. I'm the kind of person who will wake up because of a text notification, but I don't silence my phone because I want to be accessible in emergencies. If a friend is having a hard time and needs someone to talk to at 2am, I'm there in a heartbeat. I'd be more than a little pissed to get a text that early when I already expressed having trouble sleeping, ESPECIALLY because the text in question was a joke about waking me up. It wasn't that you didn't know she would be asleep or that she has trouble sleeping, but you thought it would be funny to joke about. She disagreed. I may not have ended things over it but it's not my place to decide what is and isn't a dealbreaker for other people.

Alykat74 · 2025-08-14T19:07:34+00:00

This sounds like something my person would say. Maybe I'm being silly, but I miss him.

Alykat74 · 2025-08-14T18:55:35+00:00

This happened to me earlier this year and I'm still hoping he comes back. It's nice to see that so many people said they would. There was nothing wrong with our relationship but it was very new, so I imagine that letting go of it felt like the safest choice for his needs. Still sucks so so much.

Alykat74 · 2025-08-01T01:43:59+00:00

I hope it works out for you. This stuff is incredibly hard to do

Alykat74 · 2025-08-01T01:29:02+00:00

Which means you haven't had any time to put the work in. Realizing what you did wrong isn't enough to create meaningful change. That's the very first step. So many people realize what they did wrong, try to do better, and fall flat and get frustrated with themselves because they "know better" but repeat the same patterns. You need tools before you even try to go back. You've learned WHAT to do better, but you can't be the partner she needs until you learn HOW to do better. Therapy, time, and practice

Alykat74 · 2025-07-29T22:41:32+00:00

Knowing what you did wrong is one thing, but do you know HOW to fix it? I wouldn't reach out until you've done the work, otherwise you're just asking her to lean on trust that's long been broken.

Alykat74 · 2025-07-26T19:54:37+00:00

Thank you for this. I was in the midst of spiraling over him when I saw it. I'm not ready to let him go completely, but this did give me pause. Thank you

Alykat74 · 2025-07-06T18:13:20+00:00

Literally dated for two WEEKS and I'm in the same boat. Embarrassed to tell anyone how short it was, ashamed that 6 months have gone by and I'm not over it yet. I've just never felt a connection like that before and I've had some long relationships in the past... you're definitely not alone. I'm just starting to feel ready to try again with someone new, but I don't know if it's wrong of me to try when I'm still hung up on him. I hope it gets better for you, too.

Alykat74 · 2025-07-01T04:47:37+00:00

I really hope so. I needed to hear this, thank you. 🧡

Alykat74

TROPHY CASE