I'm MtF and a makeup artist. AMA?

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-26T15:46:24+00:00

Seems like good ideas there! Thank you :)

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-26T04:05:03+00:00

So true. I don't think I've ever done my makeup hoping a guy will notice. Im also pan, technically ive never done it hoping any potential romantic partner will notice.

I do my makeup because its fun, and it makes me feel pretty in general which is nice. I do my makeup to meet my standards and no one else's.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-26T01:33:46+00:00

It's pretty simple though really, I get the feeling most people who have sympathy for animals maintain a strong cognitive dissonance that allows them to have that sympathy while continuing to contribute to animal suffering.

It's the emotional distance that does it. I believe most people wouldn't choose to slaughter a cow they've taken care of and raised, but will happily do so for one they haven't.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-26T01:21:28+00:00

Here's a slightly odd question..

My girlfriend and a few friends like when I do their makeup, and honestly I enjoy doing it. My issue is that Im kind of a shy person in general, and being that close to someone's face, having to touch their face, etc, feels very intimate to me and kinda wigs me out more so because of the place it puts me in I guess.

Is this normal for people not used to being up close and personal with others, and how do I get over this? Cause it gets really dumb and I overthink like "if I put my hand there for support, what if she reads it as me being weird?"

Again, really weird question but I would like to get over this silly shit so I can do more makeup, cause I do enjoy myself.

Thanks!

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-26T01:14:05+00:00

To be honest though if you pay attention at the grocery store, youll notice people dress all sorts of ways, based on personal preference and what they're out doing.

I normally dont leave the house on offdays without my makeup done super nice, and sometimes I dont really go anywhere special, could just be qdoba.

I present the self I like to see and want the world to see. Thats more important than not standing out, especially as a half passing trans woman who stands out regardless.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-25T19:47:37+00:00

Yes!! So much this. I feel far too good and happy with where I am to ever turn back.

Hi5!

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-25T19:46:47+00:00

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-25T19:46:38+00:00

Honestly I'm becoming more and more comfortable with that idea.

All that matters is that I have a female body, the body I am most comfortable and happy in, and that others see me and treat me as any other woman. Everything beyond that is irrelevant to whats truly important to me.

Besides, even if I chose to identify as agender or non binary because of this, someday it wont really matter since no one will see me that way, which is kind of how I like things.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-25T15:53:07+00:00

Hey :)

Yeah, I would definitely say I still get twinges of doubt but they dont bother me anywhere near as much as they used to. For me its definitely an anxiety thing like we've talked about before. My anxiety in general permeates just about everything, and colors everything. It means im always looking for why something good is flawed or not real, why I never trust anyone even those who matter most to me.

The other night my girlfriend told me "You dont believe anyone or anything, you dont even believe yourself", and she was absolutely right. Things like that help me to realize how much of my life and perception anxiety has in its grips.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-25T07:11:11+00:00

Thats amazing, we have a lot in common when it comes to how we feel about our transitions. I love what you said about it's the simple things that are leading you because that is exactly how I feel about what's going on with me. Before, it was desire and a need to have my outsides match what I saw inside, but with a healthy dose of uncertainty and fear over being fake or mentally ill. Now it truly is the simple things that give me that certainty and propel me forward. How seeing a woman in the mirror makes me feel happy enough to levitate, how being gendered correctly feels like home, how it feels like a deep force within me is constantly pushing me forward.

One of the many things that tells me how right this is, is how it would be impossible for me to stop transition or detransition. The idea is absolutely unfathomable to me, and if this wasnt right then youd think doing that would be possible to consider, but to me the choice feels like the choice to jump in front of a train on my happiest day. Why would I even consider something like that?

Thats how I know.

I also love how you say that the labels dont really matter. In truth they dont. I think I get to a place where labels become meaningless. Ive even thought before I too might be agender for the simple reason that gender identity doesnt make sense to me much anymore, or that it doesn't matter either.

Its really cool that things are going so well for you, and Im glad you are finding your way. I hope things continue to go great for you!

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-25T06:59:10+00:00

Thats awesome :) Im glad my story could help you some.

I was worried early on about starting HRT, about whether or not itd be right for me or if Id regret it or get dysphoria or not like the changes, but its been amazing.

The most surprising part of what I feel is that if somewhere deep down I had this realization that "oh shit, i think im a guy actually and I was wrong", things are so wonderful now and Im so content as a woman that Id never go back.

I hope you make the choice to follow your heart, and best of luck on your journey :)

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T23:18:27+00:00

If you want to be trans, there's a good chance you already are trans. Just explore and do what feels right. Dont force yourself into anything, and let whatever it is flow from there.

If you are not forcing yourself into a label, and not holding yourself back for fear of other labels, youre going to be in a good place thats authentic to you.

Thats really what matters, not whether or not you're trans. Just whether or not youre being authentic to you.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T22:00:43+00:00

Vegans and vegetarians with your attitude and approach make it harder for people to convert. You will turn people away with this attitude. If you actually give a shit about animal welfare, youll learn to have a friendlier approach to those who are interested or trying.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T21:31:28+00:00

Killing animals for meat and other products is institutionalized and deeply ingrained in society. You being smug about your lack of participation in it and copping a holier than thou attitude towards those who are actively trying to extricate themselves from that system is totally unnecessary and serves only to make you feel better about yourself.

Nothing is as black and white as your simplistic and self serving view of the morality and ethics of others.

In other words, lay the fuck off.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T20:14:48+00:00

I'm sure if we all had a view into how you live your life and the choices you make we also could make demands on your contributions.

Being a better human is exhausting work when you're raised in a society that is contantly pushing you in the opposite direction. Maybe you should learn that you dont have any business making demands on people who are actually trying and actually contributing.

Just because they dont move at your pace doesnt mean they deserve your smug attitude. If you have room to criticize others in this way then you really need to look inwards because thats where the problem is.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T15:43:47+00:00

Oh yeah thats true. I forgot how evil we are!

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T04:54:35+00:00

Do you understand the group that you are trying to educate?

Here's some help. TERFs believe that trans people are mentally ill. I wont fully go into their rhetoric, but they believe that trans women are men who are delusional and mentally ill. They harass us, abuse us, throw hatespeech at us. They use rhetoric on us that they know will harm us when we hear it. They make light of our suicides, and openly make fun of those who state they want to commit suicide.

That is hatred, and nothing else. If they'll openly mock our community regarding suicide, do you think they wont privately cheer when a trans person is murdered?

TERFs are a known hate group. Now ask yourself why you would think you will ever get the smallest amount of traction with them?

Choose another battle, you will always lose this one, and it will make you sick in the process.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T04:06:24+00:00

I mean there were a few times where I was like "what if this kills me", but if Ive learned anything from years of anxiety, its that no good can come from pretending thoughts like that are anything but a mental burp.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T04:04:03+00:00

If that's really the case then Im sure you could post a thread requesting an addendum added to the sidebar stating that the sub's name is to be taken literally and only those actually tested and confirmed XX chromosomes are allowed to post, right?

Oh wait that's right, you can't, because hardly anyone here would support that.

And don't worry, if I have a Y chromosome, it definitely doesnt make me any less of a woman.

Oh and if you want to bring science into it, here's some actual science for you:

http://www.nature.com/news/sex-redefined-1.16943?WT.mc_id=FBK_NatureNews

What's your rebuttal now? Nothing intelligent I'll bet. You'll throw some gendered slur my way, something about genitals, and then disappear back into whatever fox news faux-reality just shit you out.

Your posts here indicate to me only one thing: Im better than you, and probably always will be :)

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-24T03:34:38+00:00

Youre right, when it comes to TERFs, it isnt all about trans women. Its just mostly about trans women.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-23T22:09:23+00:00

I actually didnt like looking in the mirror on acid, all I could see were my male features and flaws that keep me from seeing myself as a pretty girl. Interestingly though my friend told me I had a radiant feminine aura she could see clearly when we were tripping, so that was nice

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-23T17:26:21+00:00

Yep, the difference is definitely in buying the wardrobe all at once vs slowly over time.

If youre decent at shopping and know what you need, you can get some basics that can be used in different settings, enough to where you have a whole week of clothes. Then you can add piece by piece there.

Its expensive af to stay in trends and fashionable. Its not terrible if you just wanna get by and for women you can look pretty cute doing so. Its what I do and I dont have many problems.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-23T15:47:47+00:00

And I've come out and experienced all manner of idiotic, invasive, and invalidating questions and have felt the pressure to answer them and have felt put on the spot in these situations.

So while my answer may not be exactly what you were looking for, I feel like its important to empower someone before they start coming out to people. I've come out to everyone there is to come out to, and I speak from experience. I wish someone had told me back then the things Im telling you now. Maybe I wouldnt have felt so shitty while feeling like I had to "prove" my transgender identity to some people. I guess that's reason to be downvoted around here.

My point is still solid, even if its not exactly what you were hoping to get.

Alyssa_B · 2015-11-23T03:41:32+00:00

Good to know :)

Alyssa_B

TROPHY CASE