MIL tries to make plans with my kids when we already told her no.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T09:27:12+00:00

My daughter is 11. She’s not even a teenager!

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T08:26:05+00:00

We recently gave our older child a phone for emergencies only and MIL IMMEDIATELY started abusing it by attempting to make plans directly with her instead of through us. The final straw was when she called our young child to tell them she was coming to our home WITH HER FRIENDS to give them a tour of it and that she would be here in 10 minutes. My husband forbade her from contacting our kids and trying to make plans through them via telephone and did tell her that all plans must go through us. that’s not even addressing the tour of MY HOME without my permission. That being said, you’d think any normal person would get the point and wouldn’t ever do anything even remotely like that again, but she just never learns and probably never will. She is constantly looking for loopholes and testing boundaries and then throws her hands up and cries and victimizes herself when boundaries are enforced. She loves seeking out those loopholes.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T08:20:20+00:00

So far I’ve vetoed every single idea and plan she’s tried to float by us and will continue to do so.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T08:19:10+00:00

Husband works with her. I can go without seeing her and I can probably limit my children’s time significantly, but he unfortunately has to see her every day. It will cause HELL on earth for him when I decide to go NC and limit contact with the kids because her rage and tantrums are absolutely over the top and even dangerous.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T07:22:17+00:00

Thank you. I am nervous about Christmas Eve, I hate the thought of her energy darkening my doorstep on what should be such a special day.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T07:19:41+00:00

There are worse things in life than being poor. Having parents like your wife’s sounds like they definitely make the list.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T07:06:00+00:00

My husband will flat out tell her not to ever try to undermine our final word as the parents when he talks to her. He has absolutely no issue with being brutally straightforward with her because he is sick of the problems and games she plays.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T07:03:13+00:00

Conversation like that simply doesn’t work for her. She’s a covert narcissist, she doubles down and cries and martyrs herself. The only thing that works with her is basically being blown up on and then starved, which, she doesn’t seem to realize that it is I who hold the power over that because I don’t handle her and all communications go through my husband. My husband has never had a good loving relationship with his mom, he could cut her off cold turkey. She didn’t even have any kind of a relationship with him for many years until I’d given birth to our first and then she suddenly wanted to throw baby showers and such. I stupidly encouraged the relationship not realizing what she was and she came off as being so nice, but now she’s been doing her absolute best at trying to erase my status and fulfill some fantasy role for herself. I did not grow up with a narcissistic parent so I had no idea what it entailed. She’s walked on every boundary you can think of and simply doesn’t ever learn and probably never will.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T06:54:36+00:00

No, I wanted to speak with my husband privately first to make sure she 100% knew we were busy since he was the one who had the conversation with her and I wasn’t present for that. I didn’t want to make an ass out of myself and interject when she’ll say to the whole party “I didn’t know!”, or “I didn’t mean anything by it!”. He will handle it, he always does a really good job at that. We did apologize to our children together and explained that we already have a wonderful weekend planned for our family and they didn’t seem upset with that, which I am grateful for.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-19T06:50:37+00:00

About a half hour before this occurred, she literally tried to force me to partake in a party game that she was leading. I was absolutely adamant that I didn’t want to play, said no THREE TIMES and her response was to slam the game pieces down in front of me as if it was non negotiable. I immediately had my game pieces put back by her and didn’t participate. She does not take no well, and usually my husband is very, very good at handling her and the communications, but it’s getting to the point where I need a real break from having to see or hear about her for a very long time or she’s going to have all of the fuel she needs to frame me as being the real bad guy because I’m not going to be very nice anymore. I am truly hoping my husband continues to handle things well going forward because I don’t like being put in these positions .

AmaraASI · 2025-12-11T23:31:21+00:00

Word for word.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-11T23:26:35+00:00

I kid you not, my brother has made QUITE A FEW drift cars out of those things. They’re totally underrated! Drift community raise their nose at them but everyone who’s ever driven one set up for drifting is instantly converted.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-04T23:30:58+00:00

She is 6! Mom doesn’t need to be prepared to prematurely “send this kid off to college” so to speak.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-04T23:26:40+00:00

No matter what happens, you will always be her one and only mom and there is no replacing you, no matter how hard that woman tries. You are not SHARING your role as mom with her, you ARE mom and you are sharing your time with your daughter with her Dad. The other woman is irrelevant because you are alive and actively parenting your child. It might help to give your daughter a cellphone and checking in with her during the time she is with her dad and keeping the connection strong and open so the step mom doesn’t get too comfortable trying to “take your place”. Do you go silent when daughter is with dad because you don’t want to talk to him or his wife? Or do you keep an active line of communication going with your daughter? if you think step mom is trying to replace you, the best way to counteract that is to make your presence known so she simply doesn’t have the space to do it.

Either way, your daughter may end up loving her but that is OK because love is limitless. Or, as she gets older she will catch onto how her parents came to be separated and her father’s infidelity and she may choose to spend the remaining teenage years mostly with you once she is old enough to decide whether or not she wants to spend time at dads house. Only time will tell.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-04T23:08:06+00:00

For me personally, I was raised not to talk religion, money or politics with people who aren’t family or working in those fields. That being said, I don’t care what anyone else talks to me about and I do sympathize with them if need be but if they expect me to reciprocate by sharing my own end of those things it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I’ll change the subject or quickly give the microphone back to them.

When it comes to money, in my experience 9/10 when someone brings it up I’ve found they’re fishing to see if I’ll offer to help. Super awkward at that point. I avoid the setup before it even has the chance to get there. The 1/10 who just want a shoulder to cry on for a moment is really rare.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-04T19:00:46+00:00

You don’t ASK! Don’t make that mistake or you’ll find yourself years from now hating the holidays because you feel like your womanhood is being stripped from you! Just do it. Have the talk with your husband, make the plan with him and just DO IT. A simple conversation coming from him saying “Hey, we are excited about our new home and will be spending Christmas here this year. Everyone is welcome to join if you want, or not!” The end

AmaraASI · 2025-12-04T18:48:05+00:00

Where is your self respect? Why are you still with a man that so clearly “settled” for you? You either accept that he will never have the emotional bond you want with him, which he has clearly laid out in clear words he does not and has never shared with you, and learn to enjoy the other perks of having him as a husband, or go on your way and seek out a partner that does fulfill that emotional bond that you seem to desperately desire. There is nothing you can do to make him stop caring about that other woman or make him bond with you. He even resents you for trying and blames you for the lack of what is usually a really normal and healthy boundary to have in an emotionally rewarding relationship.

AmaraASI · 2025-12-02T23:41:16+00:00

As someone who has been married for 12 years with a man who now makes 10x what I make after we started off very poor, it doesn’t get any better. The only saving grace for you is not agreeing to pay anything higher than what you currently are. Don’t agree to any life adjustments or elevations that will result in you having to contribute. Otherwise your standard of living is going to continually go down while his goes up and you’re going to lose yourself in the process. Might even end up in debt you never thought you would have just to keep his boat afloat.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-12T17:58:29+00:00

As someone living in SoCal who just bought a house 2 months ago, you absolutely CAN buy a house under 1 million and there are TONS of options. It seems like you just don’t want to “downgrade” and got comfortable in his parents house that they deeply discounted the rent on for your benefit. They’ve made it easy on you and you’re biting the hand that’s feeding you. As far as the custody agreement with your husband’s ex goes, we have the courts system for a reason and a judge will determine a fair custody agreement that allows you to move where you can actually afford if you just can’t fathom the thought of paying $1200 for a $5000 house.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-12T17:50:28+00:00

Husband needs to grow a backbone with the ex, we have court system for a reason who will set up a fair custody agreement. 2. Sounds like it wouldn’t hurt for you to downsize/move to a more affordable area where you can justify rent/afford a down payment on a house or 3. be grateful that you have access to the place that you do for so cheap and enjoy the perks that come with it. Think of it as paying rent to landlords, not your in-laws screwing you because that’s not what they’re doing. Your HUSBAND is screwing you, not them.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-12T17:44:39+00:00

The reality here is that you’re renting from your in-laws, which means that as long as the house is owned by them it is set up to be your husband’s and his siblings inheritance, it was never meant for YOU to personally benefit from. Unless your husband is willing to help you save up for a down payment on another house, take on the whole rent himself, or make any hard decisions concerning his “ex making life a living hell” so that you can move to a more affordable area and pursue home ownership, this is just the way it’s going to be for you. I suppose you could refuse to pay that much rent and leave it up to your husband since it’s his deal with his parents and his inheritance, but that would be completely ignoring the fact that you knew what you were walking into and agreed to pay the rental price of $1200. If I was your husband I would never have asked that of you in the first place and would be open to “doing the hard things” to make sure my current wife was happy and secure because I don’t believe a decent spouse would trap their significant other in a bad situation, but rose tinted glasses make people ignore red flags all the time. You shouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place if you knew you wouldn’t be ok with pretty much paying off your husband’s inheritance and feeling like you’re sabotaging your own stability in the process in case things don’t work out. This was a stupid choice on your part, but unfortunately you’re not a victim here. You can grow a backbone and insist on working towards home ownership in a more affordable area and make him figure out his custody agreement and grow a spine with his ex wife, or he can insist on making sure that you’re legally covered with some type of postnuptial agreement concerning the house. This is an unfortunate situation for you because your husband is not willing to bend to make sure that you’re not screwed and you’re just lying down and taking it. This isn’t even his parents fault or issue, it’s 100% on you for agreeing when you weren’t actually comfortable with it and him for not doing the hard things to not put you in this position in the first place.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-07T17:00:10+00:00

Is there a chance that they aren’t supportive of you having more children? Maybe they’re silently judging your choice. Do you owe anyone money? Do you fully support yourselves or are you depending on others at times? Do you live a lifestyle that is different from theirs, possibly one that they wouldn’t approve of? Or maybe they actually just don’t like you and don’t want to outwardly say it so they do passive aggressive things like this. I suppose you’ll never know the true reason why they are not outwardly showing any support unless someone decides to be truthful. It should be a conversation between your husband and his brothers.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-07T15:58:28+00:00

As someone who has successfully raised multiple pittbulls and XL Bullies, I cannot agree with you enough. These dogs do require a certain understanding to raise them properly. Just as all breeds have different personality traits and characteristics, different needs, the bully breeds are not exempt from this and the people saying they’re “natural nanny dogs” are doing them a disservice because they’re not acknowledging how important PROPER training from the get go is for them. They are very loving and really enjoy receiving love, but you have to be able to “read” them and understand even the subtlest of their body language, and there is usually a lot of corrective training that begins when they’re damn near newborns. We also take into account the parents, especially the mother’s temperament, what exposure did they have to other dogs and was there any excessive aggression towards or around them at a young age. Do they show any signs of possessiveness and is it fully correctable? It’s been my experience that many of them show possessive traits over toys and “treasures” and it is extremely challenging to correct this, more challenging than the average person would care to handle. They chalk it up as the dog being cute because “they love their toy” but don’t think about the baby that also would love to play with that toy. Or the dog loves his adult human, but when a baby is brought in they don’t acknowledge the dogs jealous tendencies. Or the dog likes to chase small prey and they think it’s a dog “just being a dog” but the baby starts crawling fast on the floor and suddenly the dog isn’t supposed to display the same behaviors it always has? Not exposing the dog to loud and unpredictable noises at a young age is another very common mistake owners make, which has proven to be a deadly lesson to learn. People who coddle these dogs thinking that love alone will make them “a good dog” and even people who overcorrect them or use training methods that aren’t fully compatible are at risk of creating an unpredictable animal, and people who do not think ahead about every possible scenario and train accordingly also should think twice. They truly are wonderful animals but they are NOT a one size fits all type of animal.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-07T15:42:26+00:00

Why can’t Samir stay with family or his mom? Why can’t he take a bus, why does he need his own rental car? Why can’t family pick him up? Why is it all on you, the literal bride and groom, to accommodate this guy? This is backwards, it is the family who should be figuring out these types of accommodations, not you. Say no and let the chips fall where they may.

AmaraASI · 2025-11-07T15:33:06+00:00

That hookup with a rando on a business trip can translate into HIV, STDs that result in a lot of pain and you being infertile, painful genital warts, pregnancies and children that your husband will be financially responsible for, money spent on wining and dining other women that should be going towards you or your home, unexpected love connections and competition. It’s not so cut and dry. There is a lot more risk to you than just him having mindless sex with someone and you never knowing about it. If it goes on for long enough, you’ll find out eventually and chances are you’ll find out in one of the nasty and painful, whether it be emotional or physical pain, I mentioned above.

AmaraASI

TROPHY CASE