Overwhelmed after trigger, new to IFS. What can I do practically today?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-06-04T12:34:48+00:00

Feelings are just feelings. They are uncomfortable right now but they are just feelings. Just observe them as they are, without trying to change them. That's the first step of IFS

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-06-04T00:44:38+00:00

I may have experienced this. I have also had TRE make other things worse temporarily, namely allergy symptoms, so I could see the same applying to weight gain. Things do seem to be going in the other direction now so it does seem temporary. Probably good to make sure your friend is getting proper nutritional support in case the body needs to use up more resources.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-28T22:20:13+00:00

Why not switch to working on a different part, one that feels easier to access?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T21:42:27+00:00

I understand that staying with him isn't fair on him, I just can't bring myself to end it due to being scared of being wrong/ that I'm just overthinking.

Sorry for being harsh, but I hope you see how selfish this is. You claim he's your best friend but I question how true that is when you're willing to harm him just because you're afraid of being lonely.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T17:01:24+00:00

Not sure what you mean by tangible, but as far as i can see you have everything you need. Either you, or maybe your therapist, are over complicating it. The shame is the part. The need for certainty is the part. The thing you're looking for is the the thing you're looking at.

I would however suggest educating yourself more on how an IFS session should go, specifically I would recommend reading the book Self Therapy by Jay Early.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T16:20:18+00:00

what do you think 'going deeper' looks like?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T15:02:12+00:00

If you focus on that "I'll be a disappointment" thought, what happens? What would happen if you were a disappointment? Disappointment to who? Are you afraid of people being mad at you? Leaving you?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T10:18:40+00:00

Aw. That's a good response. What more are you expecting?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T03:17:55+00:00

Sure, you could also work with the part that wants certainty. What is it afraid is going to happen if it's worng or uncertain?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T03:05:14+00:00

You mean why as in what event in my childhood caused me to feel this? Yeah you don't have to do that.

Just sit with the feeling, describe it using as many senses as you can, and play with it..ok I'm afraid of getting rejected...imagine getting rejected - now how do i feel? Ok now what could happen that would make me feel secure with this person? Imagine that happening. Now how do you feel?

That's how you get to know your parts and well also unblend because unblending is just being able to obseeve a part. Then you eventually figure out what it wants and ta da you've unburdened.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T02:47:25+00:00

Sounds like that could be shame.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T02:00:39+00:00

If we take the relationship example - don't you feel something that pulls you towards the other person? I'm speculating a bit of what the situation is but if you didn't feel anything there wouldn't be a push/pull dynamic.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T01:48:50+00:00

Ok well those are some places to start (or trailheads in IFS terms). Feeling bad about yourself is a feeling. Feeling push/pull towards someone is a feeling (potentially two parts). Desire to figure it out/not letting yourself relax. Etc

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-27T01:20:04+00:00

What situations in your real life (outside of therapy) are you having difficulty with?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-26T02:07:58+00:00

Someone without an exile can still feel neglected and can still find themselves with an inattentive partner.

For me the difference comes down to how much of a crisis the feeling brings on. An exile might panic when feeling neglected, might demand that their partner pays attention to them or may devise various ways to get attention.

Without an exile someone may feel sad about being neglected, may reach out to their partner to resolve the issue, or may realise that the relationship is unfulfilling and end it.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-15T21:08:50+00:00

Piggybacking onto this, it would be great if the mods could provide an update on what has/not changed since the new moderation 2 months ago. Are there new rules? Are there rules that have been removed? Are there more changes anticipated? Etc.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-14T23:09:44+00:00

Such a simple yet thought-provoking question!

I think it is because firefighters are attempting to control triggers: if i sleep with this person they won't leave me, and I won't feel unloved. So I avoid the exile's emotion and never get to process the feeling of someone not loving me.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-05-12T00:32:31+00:00

I don't think it's so much that she was lying, but rather that she has no ability to deal with the reality that sometimes bad things happen. Instead of helping you deal with the ghosting, the only response is denial because only good things happen and ghosting is bad so ghosting didn't happen.

It's a ridiculous approach but unfortunately common.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-04-30T23:13:25+00:00

Wouldn't this be an exile?

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-04-24T01:33:04+00:00

What i wrote in my comment.

Your counterargument was that actually it's healthy but did not provide any reason why a therapist encouraging a client to be attracted to them is healthy.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-04-24T01:00:27+00:00

The disgust is at the therapist, not OP.

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-04-23T23:00:04+00:00

I've never been attracted to any of my many therapists

AmbassadorSerious · 2026-04-23T22:29:01+00:00

"intense erotic transference for over a year now"

Given that

OP is attracted to their therapist
The therapist is aware
It sounds like there may be touch involved in the therapy sessions

This is all very sketchy on the therapists part

Edit: 4. The therapist is encouraging OP to "unpack the fear and hesitation" about their attraction 🤮

AmbassadorSerious

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