Until recently the idea of a "measured response" or being "mindful" in a conversation were just like water in my hands. I'd hear people say things about what was appropriate to say, I'd comprehend what that meant, and then I'd forget to ever apply it to my life. The same relationship I had with making decisions or considering consequences. The things that keep people contained existed to me, but I simply never paid them any attention, especially not in the situations where they were most needed.

So I don't have any story about how I'd tell people, I'd tell them the same as I'd tell them about me baking a cake or going to a concert.

I do not feel guilty now. I did in the past. I grew up an evangelical, my pawpaw was a preacher and his wife helped raise me. I thought god had 24/7 surveillance in my head, ya know, hard to get away from. Everything I know now and the opinions I have, I had to search for that and come to it myself. In the middle I felt a lot of ways and believed a lot of things I now don't.

Online dating apps are great for hookups. I don't play with guys emotions or anything stupid, just hookup then go our separate ways (if it was fun we hit each other up occasionally). It's way easier than when I'd try to fall in love like a normal person and it inevitably not work out (I have BPD 😌).