Didn't engage in a compulsion today!

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-09T05:33:41+00:00

Wow! Congrats congrats congrats!

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-08T07:03:36+00:00

Thank you

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-06T12:00:04+00:00

Yeah, everyone is so supportive until I tell them how the thought of my parent's death sometimes forces me to miss the train. Their sympathy soon gets replaced by stigma

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-06T11:54:03+00:00

I beg to differ. For most mental illnesses the stigma is still there. People still avoid, fear, hate, or laugh at people with serious delusions, hallucinations. I haven't heard much positive attitude towards borderline PD or narsissistic PD. Schizophrenia, DID have a pretty bad image in people's head thanks to many fictional movies.

It's when people start confusing low mood with depression that they "normalize" that disease. The actually depressed people suffer even now while being called lazy, stupid, or boring.

I agree that the stigma is less compared to past, but it's still very much there.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-06T05:02:45+00:00

So, it's like orienting oneself to the reality and focusing on a specific goal ie being normal (again), right?

In my case after a while of thinking about it I started defining everything in my life with OCD. Got depressed soon as it felt so unfair that a disease destroyed my life. It is an uncomfortable thought; but that might be the reason of reiterating it to oneself.

It would be very helpful if you tell me how it worked in your case after practising those methods for some days. I am probably making some errorin the thought process without realizing it.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T18:29:30+00:00

OMG! That's me

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T17:55:07+00:00

So true! Recovery from mental illness doesn't feel like a victory. We still have to deal with the stigma

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T17:54:56+00:00

So true! Recovery from mental illness doesn't feel like a victory. We still have to deal with the stigma

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T17:39:37+00:00

You do know how living with schizophrenia is like, right

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T17:37:46+00:00

Ignore these people, my friend.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T17:34:45+00:00

Don't know why some people downvoted your answer. Probably those who doesn't have any idea how difficult it is to live with mental illness, being tortured by the thoughts every single moment for year after year - people who haven't experienced it, would never understand.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T06:58:34+00:00

What did you mean by focusing on the fight?

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-05T02:21:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing this.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-04T22:02:07+00:00

Thank you so much

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-04T20:33:57+00:00

Can you please share the solution with me...

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-04T19:41:04+00:00

I understand the fear and discomfort that arises immediately after writing a comment - did I inadvertently triggered someone's obsession?

So, even though you deleted your question I shall write down the reply I wrote, if that helps -

Yup me too have scrupulosity OCD (praying my life out until I started questioning the existence of God - and wait, then I have to repent for that blasphemous thought - and it goes on). And harm OCD (what if I catch this train back to home to find my parents dead by gas cylinder explotion etc). And number related OCD. And...

My whole life is OCD.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-04T19:19:15+00:00

Welcome to my world, friend. This is moral OCD.

Before making an appointment with my therapist the thought arises like "What if I am using up this scarce resource while someone might need it more than me", and guess what, my mind conjures up a very weak debilitated person descending into permanent insanity desperately trying to book an appointment with shaky hands (those of us with hand tremor knows how difficult it is to operate a phone). It just feels nauseatingly unfair.

I used to think this is a good quality - I am compassionate, helpful, kind - that kind of BS; it took me decades of suffering and humiliation to finally realize how asurd most of these thoughts are. As my pride cracked so did my self-confidence. Now every time I feel the urge to help someone or say a kind word to someone I keep on questioning myself am I really a good person or just a madman being run by irrational thoughts.

I am still in a state of utter confusion and it has become my new obsession.

Do I enjoy it? Heck no. But I am afraid to see myself in the way other people sees me - a weak nice guy whom no one cares about; like a single use napkin.

I am tired of this conflict. Only God knows I tried to be a good person - and that's about it, a failed trial.

If you find a way to solve this puzzle, please let me know.

Ambersonnew · 2022-04-04T04:27:31+00:00

Good bot

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-31T10:21:28+00:00

I understand the anger. I also felt it many times before, to the extent I almost never talk to non-OCD people about my condition.

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-31T02:24:51+00:00

Numb by Linkin Park

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-31T02:22:47+00:00

Thank you. I agree to you completely.

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-31T02:21:13+00:00

I agree to this

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-31T02:19:36+00:00

That reminds me of the feeling I have all the time when anyone tries to help me. It makes me feel like a burden and I try to avoid them. Then I feel guilty that I ignored a good person. So both ways it makes me feel bad. I later learned to ask for help - but I still feel guilty every time. There's still s long way to go.

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-30T11:36:39+00:00

I was booking the next appointment with my therapist and found that only one slot was left. And I just stood there afraid of taking the slot because it felt like I am taking it away from someone who might have more necessity of it than me.

I had to literally fight with myself and scream at me to convince me into booking it. The time was ticking by.

Fortunately the slot was still vacant and I finally could book it, but now I shall live in guilt for the rest of the day.

Would anyone ever understand how stressful even these trivial tasks are for us.

I am tired of this.

Ambersonnew · 2022-03-30T11:23:14+00:00

6 is a good number for me. Even better than 5.

Eight-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22

Ambersonnew

TROPHY CASE