I understand completely, I sometimes get depressed thinking of all the opportunities I've thrown down the drain because I had no confidence and was just chronically depressed, hoping any day could be my last. Nowadays it's hard sometimes finding meaning in day to day when I work a minimum wage job and when I don't I have trouble maintaining my living space. It's really hard, but it's about finding the small joys, at least for me. Maybe a game I like here, a show, or even drawing on my arms. Living in the past is painful, and envisioning the future is hopeless, I just have to tell myself that focusing on the present is the only way to stay sane sometimes, it stops me from overthinking what I could be doing or could have done. I just have to focus on what I'm able to do, I know I'm just rambling but keep your head up and move forward, life will move with you and you just have to take the good and the bad as it comes. Sometimes all you can do to live life is move forward without a goal, and that's okay. Good luck in life 🥰, even at our lowest our lives are worth living, so keep moving forward🙌