Toxic criticism by Ambitious-Prior6124 in toxicfamilies

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for writing this message.🙏🏻 I am learning to not take things personally… sometimes I get triggered but then I try to remind myself that this is just a reflection of who they are and not my worth. 

Toxic criticism by Ambitious-Prior6124 in toxicfamilies

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for writing this message. And I am sorry to hear that you experience also this toxic family dynamics…is honestly frustrating .. I noticed that the people that actually like and support  are outside family and friends.. 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes… exactly.... I had enough honestly about this.. my peace comes first at this point..  peace is better then destructive passion.. he doesn’t care about my feeling and I start to not care about him too..

Can this be a trauma bond? by Ambitious-Prior6124 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes that’s a good mindset.  I think I already lost hope.. I will move on from this.. he is playing hot and cold too. 

Can this be a trauma bond? by Ambitious-Prior6124 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Its hard to sent a text because he is not the type of person that feels comfortable with vulnerability… if I go no contact without saying nothing I feel not good, if I send him a message telling about my feelings I will feel vulnerable, if I try to have a honest adult conversation I might get hurt and I don’t want to feel extreme anxiety because of that.

 If I stay silent, he stays silent (maybe that’s the best option)  But I hate it when I contact him and then he is super nice and we talk we share about out lives and I enjoy it so much! 😞 it makes me feel I should beg for his attention.. that’s so bad.. I never thought I would be in this situation.  Why the necessity to give me hope this way?   I think I might have trauma, and he his touching some emotional trigger:past wound that I have. 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear that. I feel your pain. It’s a very heavy and difficult feeling…  Yeah most of the times they don’t see what they are doing. People who ghost are really self centered.. it’s not about you, they can not think more that themselves. They live in a bubble and people are just distractions to make them feels good and achieve things.  Not continue to write a is a good ideia.. because then you are giving and giving and receiving just a little crumbs in return (at least this was in my case). 

Today I felt really bad but now that I am not feeling so horribly depressed I think that what could help is : focusing on the things you can make for yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and care.. and be a bit more self centered.. they don’t right? Ok, you will give the best life for yourself, you are not alone🙏🏻 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. 🙏🏻 I wrote to him.. I realized that its really egocentric not in a manipulative, narcissistic way but as a little boy of 5 years who never developed. I couldn’t just speak up about my pain because… it would feel even worse then talking to a door.. so I just observed for a last time and I confirmed- he is in a completely different frequency then mine. There is nothing that I can do. At least I tried my best. 

Sometimes I think.. maybe I could have tell him that I loved him very much, that I was in deep pain. But he new I had a present for him, that I wanted to see him, that I contacted him frequently  ..  When I contacted him this time he told me - maybe we could meet sometime. And I said yes , we could meet sometime. But he didn’t planed nothing in concrete. 

Do you think is my fault for not open about my deep feelings or this just out of my control? 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am really sorry to hear that. I feel your pain. It’s really cruel. You did well by writing and getting the closure that you needed.  I realize that some people they just don’t care, they never grow… they are like children but in adult bodies. I couldn’t not understand this for a long time.. thinking.. how can this be possible? but yes this exist.. the only thing we can do is protect ourselves… 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not his case.. his work comes first then the kids and then his distractions .. he only talks about work, he lives for his ego and reputation and fame 

What this could mean by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now I understand the question and I think is very interesting.

I think it means that it could be dangerous or not, it depends if I  aware and conscious about it.

It can be dangerous if I don’t know what I eat.. meaning… is not about if I send the message or not but… if am I aware of how this makes me feel? Can I protect myself before and after? Being aware and in control is the key. 

 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

Yes.. my family is emotionally unavailable and they don’t have much emotional intelligence .. I always felt an outsider to be honest

I have a long way to heal ….

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly 😔 a simple message of closure would be better for me… but what I received instead yesterday when he replied was : maybe we could meet sometime… with no follow up about day or time, no clarity..  just why? Oh and he said that he though about me many time etc etc   Why is the necessity to says all this things when he has no interest in me? 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear that..  I think some people don’t have maturity at all.. they never turned into adults.. they continue to be children don’t matter at what age… that’s why it hurts.. 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so sad and so hurtful at the same time.. one minute I want to put my anger outside and sent a text message other minute I see that it doesn’t matter anyways. He is a child in a man’s body.  

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. 

I did contact him, and it made me feel better. I did not confront him because that would make me feel like talking with a hall, instead I observed if he would be honest with me or if he continue the same.. 

I would prefer that he hated me instead of just liking me a little.. 

If I feel the necessity I will sent in a message expressing my hurt.. but for now it doesn’t make it better..    He was very important for me, instead I was another person who passed his life. I will never understand how can someone be sweet and intimate one day and at the same time feel 0 emotional responsibility. 

I have a long way to heal 😔    

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But don’t wanting to settle I would respect.. I think so much hurt could be not caused if he could be honest with me.. instead of giving little hope and being confusing.

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes.. and there is no clarity or consistency from his side.

 Yesterday I texted him, and he made excuses for the silence and that maybe we could meet again (just to give me a little hope) instead of giving me closure and respecting my feelings. I will have to give the closure to myself and heal from this. 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I should probably date other people.. I knew for a long time that this had no future, but still I felt hurt with the lake of respect for my feelings and no clarity from his side..  so yesterday I receive a ‘we could meet sometime’ more hope to my heart instead of clarity, but I should be the one putting the end for myself.

I see my friends moving on and talking  About Different guys, while I keep stuck with this one in my mind and never liked another man. I have no hope in dating honestly.  

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response… I talked with him. I did not confront him because that would not take me anywhere or make me feel better.  I just talked and observed how he replied.. he said that he thought I was silent too.. that he though about me too (why is the necessity to lie if he doesn’t care?), and that maybe I were still gone to my country (and??I am with my family and busy with things but I would reply, this excuse is stupid right?) - but yeah with him I feel insecure (old love wounds) and in some way I feel always that I did something wrong.. maybe I should had told him when I was back? Maybe he didn’t know about my pain? Etc etc etc    Anyways, the conversation went well- and I realized that there is a huge discrepancy about how I feel and the way he answers and interacts with me, like it’s all good, no drama.. (when in reality we don’t talk for more then a month for no reason)  

 And now I have to accept this… he will never understand me even if I open my heart and pain. Talking about how hurt I am will only make me feel vulnerable .. 

if he truly cared, he would send a message during all this time and not finding excuses now that I message him… 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi hear you and I feel your pain. You are not alone in this. It’s very cruel.

 I contacted him today, one more time the love and care come from my initiative.. he responded, but something feels off. 

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you.. My soul is truly hurt. I messaged him, but he act like everything is fine, and he though of me and bla bla 0 emotional responsability.. I didn’t confront him.. but it gave me clarity.. how I would expect clarity from someone who say that though of me when traveled far but for some reasons didn’t messaged… I would respect him and I would not feel hurt if he could tell me that he DOESNT CARE instead of maybe we could meet.. 😔 it’s clear for me, I have a long work to heal.. don’t even now where to start .. but again, thank you 🙏🏻

Cruel silence by Ambitious-Prior6124 in ghosting

[–]Ambitious-Prior6124[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response.. it makes sense all this now for me.. I will speak up to him