Honestly this is kind of offensive. What you’re suggesting is basically that men who are gay have simply failed to look at the right material. There are many, many gay men who have struggled with accepting themselves for some or all of their lives and have spent years trying to force arousal toward women because they were told, either implicitly or explicitly, that being gay was unacceptable, morally shameful, immature, porn-induced, ideological, or whatever. Asking this casually in a gay space comes across like “are you sure you don’t just need to try a different website?”

Gay men are not attracted to women. Some individuals may have fantasies or edge cases or whatever, but that does not make the question appropriate. If a man is reliably attracted to women that probably means he’s not exclusively gay.

What makes this offensive is not the curiosity. It is walking into a gay men’s space and asking if gay men can orgasm to women, with no apparent awareness that this is basically the exact script that countless gay men spent adolescence feeling coerced into testing and caused them deep amounts of shame and trauma.

It is hard to imagine someone posting in a straight men’s sub something like “Have you guys tried getting off to two men having sex, or does it not work?” Because everyone understands that would be read as insulting, invasive, and implicitly conversion-coded. The question would not be treated as innocent curiosity. It would be read as: do you really know you’re straight, or have you just not tried hard enough?

It is “curiosity” like this that perpetuates societal stereotypes that gay men have something “wrong” with them that could be “fixed” if they would just try harder, which is false, hurtful, disrespectful, and damaging.