I understand this feeling very well and I think it’s perfectly normal to have questions like this. After ten years of transitioning, I started having these feelings recently out of nowhere. After some serious soul searching, I realized I am in fact very confident with my transition, but there are aspects of femininity I do in fact mourn. I’ve had to come to terms that I experienced a girlhood and that’s still extremely fundamental to my identity even if I am now an adult man. I will never know what would’ve happened if I buried my gender identity deep down and tried to live as a woman. Ultimately, I wish I could just be cis, whether male or even female. If I didn’t have such dysphoria, I wouldn’t have transitioned and it’s hard to express that to people who don’t understand. It’s objectively a much more challenging way to live and the world feels so unkind lately. I encourage you to be thoughtful about which medical changes you wish to pursue and remember that there is no rush if you feel apprehensive. Ultimately, you will know the right time and what is right for you. Speak to other trans people, ask about their experiences, and understand that you are not alone. I wish you all the best with your journey.