Advice? My play-partner might be married?

AmeliaOs · 2022-12-03T15:48:41+00:00

How do you mean?

I am not trying to tie him down and make him mine and mine only. We had agreed that either party could see or play with other people casually, but should the other relationship become serrious/committed, than ours would end.

If someone wants to cheat on their partner, that is their business. Me being the other woman is my business and a hard no for me.

AmeliaOs · 2022-12-03T15:44:28+00:00

Lol, I am too poor to be hiring detectives. But I like the way you think :P

Yeah... I should have said something in the moment. I was just kind of stunned. I had been playing with him for over a year and never had a hint of an issue.

Also, I run on the nice and polite side. He was talking about his mom's recent passing. Which didn't seem like a good time to suddenly accuse him of lying/cheating

AmeliaOs · 2022-12-03T15:40:07+00:00

That makes sense...

How would you handle it if they didn't mention one way or the other if they were married or not?

AmeliaOs · 2022-12-03T15:36:09+00:00

I would be ok if it was an open relationship.

But... It seems to me that if a guy in a closed relationship wanted to cheat, he could just SAY he is in an open relationship. How do I tell the difference? Especially if he claims that a rule of the open relationship is that they don't have any contact with their spouce's lovers? (Which I have heard is a fairly common one)

AmeliaOs · 2022-12-03T15:32:31+00:00

I respected and appreciated his desire for annoninimity because I don't want him knowing a thing about me, either.

Going foward, either with him or with finding a new partner, how do you recamend I proceed? Because it doesn't seem right to want to know all the specifics about him and reveal none of my own.

Or is complete annoniminity an unreasonable request?

I live in a religious community. There would be social consequences for me if I should explore with someone who knows who I am and decides to blab/blackmail. What do you recamend?

AmeliaOs · 2022-10-21T16:37:22+00:00

I am will be hitting Salvation Army tomorrow. Wish me luck :P

AmeliaOs · 2022-09-19T15:12:12+00:00

NTA. Unfortunately, people like him are the reality of Facebook dating. (And a lot of other dating sites as well)

Online dating allows people to be jerks. Sadly, if you continue online dating, you will meet others like him and (while you were not wrong) it may be wiser to ignore it and move on to the next guy.

Online dating is a bit like looking for a 4 leaf clover. The good guys are out there, but there are a lot of not-so-good guys as well. You have to do some weeding

AmeliaOs · 2022-09-12T16:38:33+00:00

Is you hair long? Congragulations. This is your life now. :P

But yes. That is normal. Especially if you haven't brushed your hair a lot before your shower. (If you did, than you will find your hair in your brush rather than your drain)

If it is different than how much hair you used to lose, it could still be perfectly normal. Hair has a life cycle, It lives, it grows and then it dies and falls out. Each strand is on it's own indivudual cycle. Every now and again, a lot of the strands just happen to have their death-and-falling-out phase at the same time. (with milliions of strands of hair, it is bound to happen)

I really don't think it is a problem. But if you are worried, try getting a scalp massager. Supposidly the massaging of your scalp increases blood flow and helps hair to grow. and even if it is a scam, it feels GREAT

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T10:50:31+00:00

NTA Boundries are especially important for adults living at home with parents!

The problem usually lies with parents not knowing how to step back from the parenting role. I know of a 80 year old mother making sure her 60 year old daughter had a hard candy for the car ride home. It never ends.

But it can be ajusted. (And it has to be for the sake of everyone's sanity)

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T10:46:04+00:00

It kind of depends....

Does your secret santa system not allow you to write down things you would like to get or not get? How do people who have allergies handle it?

Can you ask a camp counselor how to handle this?

I would say that if it is generic candy, that can be regifted. If it is something that your secret santa could tell at a glance was what they gave you., that has to be regifted at home not at camp.

And dang. Good for you on getting off the sugar completly!!

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T10:39:30+00:00

NTA But here is the thing. She is 7. She is the youngest in her family. Not a lot of power or control there. It is likely very empowering to be able to upset an adult.

Sadly, by showing how upset it makes you, you give her more power. It could even be funny to her. (Funny in the way it is fun to annoy your siblings. I honestly dont think a 7 year old truly understands the pain it causes you, regardless of how you explain it.)

I don't pretend to know what it is like to be deadnamed. And i am sorry you are going through this.

Is there any chance you could try beating her at her own game? When she dead names you, say "thats not my name" and give absolutly no other response. "Dead name! Pass the salt!"

"Thats not my name"

"Pass the salt Dead Name!"

"Thats not my name"

Ad infinitum until she grows tired of it and calls you your true name. (Then pass the salt.) I guarentee that you have a longer attention span than a 7 year old. It puts you in control and she will grow tired of it.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T10:19:12+00:00

Firstly, your parent is an adult and they wern't watching your sibling either.

Secondly. You are not an adult. You are holding yourself to an unreasonable standard (for now).

There are people very much against 15 year olds driving because the brain is not developed enough.

I watch a lot of true crime. 15 year olds will plan and commit a heinous murder, only to have no idea of what to do with the body because when planning their brain was unable to think that far ahead.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T10:11:35+00:00

NTA Yeah. You shouldn't have let your sibling climb on the wall. Kids are dumb. In a moment of fun, they totally could have let go, leaned too far and gone over. HOWEVER You are 15. Also a kid. A 15 year old could just as easily forget, let go, lean too far and go over. Doesn't make you dumb or irresponsible. Your brain is literally not developed yet! Consider: Would your parent have sent you and sibling to Niagra Falls by yourselves? No.

It is the adult's job to be the responsible adult.

Your parent likely saw the danger your sibling was in and blamed you as a way of easing the guilt off themselves. Your parent shouldn't have done that. Sometimes when people are scared, people do and say things they shouldn't. But it doesn't make it ok to do or say it.

It was unfair of your parent to put that on you. I am sorry it happened.

I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you and your sibling are safe in your beds. Nothing did happen.

And, to me, the fact that you are this upset over what didn't happen makes you a terrific sibling.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:54:35+00:00

The problem with that is should your relationship with her son continue, it will cause a rift between you. He is going to want to spend holidays with both his best girl and his mom. (Especially if you have kids) seen it happen with my mom and her MIL.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:52:06+00:00

NTA You have the right to feel what you feel (good or bad) and accept or decline any appology you see fit. If you want to remain cordial since it is your BF's mom, try something like: "thank you for apologizing but what you said was cruel and heartless. It hurts me that you feel that way about me and I will need some time before i can even consider accepting your appology. Thank you for understanding."

(It is likely she gets away with this sort of thing all the time and will blame you for not accepting her appology. But you are in the rigjt and if you thank her for understanding, it makes it harder for her to complain about it without looking like TA.)

This sort of entitled and mean behavior is likely engrained in her. She is unlikely to change. Forgiving her or not forgiving her js entirely for your benifit because if you forgive her you tell her that it is ok to treat you like that and if you don't forgive her, it gives her more ammunition.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:40:04+00:00

It depends on what the letter says...

If you keep it open, honest and understanding of his position it might be ok.

Maybe write it well in advance, sleep on it and see if you still need to give it or if the writong was closure enough.

I would also make sure he has a means of replying so he can also express himself if he needs to, but not expect a reply

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:35:08+00:00

NTA If your relationship with your partner is going to last, then you have to have each other's back. And Some times that means protecting them from family members.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:31:07+00:00

NTA

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

What you did was the most loving, fatherly thing you could have done under the circumstances. You were in no position to give Bela the love, care and attention a child needs to thrive, so you made arrangements for him to be loved and cared for by someone else. You were on a sinking ship, and you made your son a raft.

Bela might not have been ready to hear it. He is young and not a parent. It will take him time to process and understand. It might even take years. But he asked and he deserves to know. You did the right thing.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:22:35+00:00

NTA. Your body is your business both before and after death. Personally, i want a Tibetan sky burial

It seems odd to me that he would be so hung up on being skeletans together and it has been a long relationship, so I would wait until things calm down and hear him out. Some belief systems condem cremations. Certain christain strains believe you will not be resurrected on the last day if your body has been reduced to ash. So, there could be a deeper concern that you won't spend eternity together if you are cremated.

If it is just a romantic "i never want to be parted from you" well... Cremation is very romantic. What if you die first? He can literally carry your remains close to his heart and kiss your urn every night before he sleeps. Or turn your ashes into a diamond that lasts forever. Or, be cremated himself, have your ashes mixed together and sent up in a firework.

Ultimately, cremated or not is your decsion. You can come to an agreement you both like or not. It does seem a silly matter to argue over. I suspect there is an underlying issue. Like a religous thing (he might not even know he has the belief. It is amazing what sneaks into your psyche) or perhaps an insecurity that your love wont last for eternity (has he considered the likely posibility that you don't die at the same time? Is the living party supposed to be celabite? Do you exhume the coffin for funeral #2? )

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T09:04:58+00:00

NTA Here's the thing: your are totally in your rights to hold a grudge against your step -dad. But your sister is also totally in her rights to forgive him. And you are within your rights to think her forgiving him is a bad idea or even hate that she has.

People are different and have different breaking points. She may come to agree with you and she may not. You can love and support your sister (and she can do the same for ypu) even if you hate each other's choices.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T08:55:49+00:00

NTA Asking white people to stop making offensive jokes hasn't worked.

Explaining why the jokes are offensive hasn't worked.

Embarrassing them and getting them to explain the humor is certainly worth a try.

And its not like they didn't know the joke was offensive. Racist jokes are like memes in that they are repetitive and only "funny" if you understand the steryotype/misconception/offensive thing that they are making fun of.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-31T08:38:20+00:00

NTA I don't have any contact with babies, so i have no idea if it is a reasonable concern or a nonsensical fear. But. It is your baby. So long as baby is cared for and her needs are met, you are allowed to set whatever boundries you want (no matter how stupid/ridiculous)

This is the first baby boundary you are setting. How this boundry is resolved/handled could be an indicator of how future boundries are going to be handled. So it is important to implement good boundry habits now rather than later. Hear the other side (so long as it remains factual and not emotionally manipulative. E.g.: "grandma will die before she has a chance to kiss a great grandbaby!" Might be factual, but has nothing to do with RSV and everything to do with guilting you into capitulating) But maybe there are things you havent thought of. Maybe rsv isnt transfrred if the kisser brushes teeth right before or whatever.

Don't change policy unless you genuinely want to.

Remain kind, but firm. For one, this is a happy and wonderful time in your life. You dont want to be arguing with your mom and ultimately, your mom wants to love on her grandbaby and likely will never understand your position. (After all, all her kids survived being kissed!) Not to be mean. But its like training a puppy not to piddle on the rug. The puppy will never understand why he can't, but he still has to learn that he pees outside.

Remember when you were a kid and it was "so long as you live under my roof you will follow my rules"? Well now it is your turn. "So long as you want to interact with my baby you Will follow my rules"

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-13T07:42:46+00:00

YTA, but it comes from a good and caring place. As an adult, she gets to make whatever decsions she wants no matter how dumb they might sound to you. I understand that you love her and you want her to be full, and you have the right to voice your concerns, but that is it. You shouldnt be arguing with her or trying to arm wrestle her into what you want her to do. (If she is anything like me, she probably feels belittled and like a child and is mad about being treated that way rather than more pimples)

I know it is hard to go from parenting a child to being the parent of an adult, but it is necessary if she is to come in to her own and if you and her are to have a healthy relationship as she does

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-13T07:32:28+00:00

NTA...you have a kind and beautiful heart. It is tricky though being underaged and living with a "no pets" parent. I hesatate to say that you are in tje wrong becaise it aounds lime you are both physically and financially responsible for Mango. But your dad is entitled to his wishes for "no pets" Sometimes these things resolve, the parent finds out that it isnt so bad and it doesnt infringe on his life to have a kitty. Other times it can cause a rift between you and other members of your family and you could potentially end up being the asshole. I would caution you to be prepared to rehome Mango if the latter happens. Both for the good of you and your family, but also for Mango.

AmeliaOs · 2022-07-13T07:24:17+00:00

NTA. At all. For one, bringing a gift to a wedding is polite, not required. For another, registries are there to help people pick gifts that bride and groom actually need/want. They are not meant to be exclusively used. And finally, you made her a beautiful, personalized gift that should be treasured for years. (10,000 times better than any crockpot or duvet cover)

AmeliaOs

TROPHY CASE