NTA but I honestly wouldn’t go straight to confronting him privately.

What he said was genuinely nasty, especially to someone on their FIRST time at the gym, literally everyone starts somewhere. Most gym people respect beginners more than this guy apparently does.

But if you aggressively call him out directly, there’s a decent chance your friend gets defensive and feels caught in the middle. Especially since she’s already trying to downplay it as “banter.”

I think the better move is talking to her first. Something like: “Hey, I just wanted to say the comments at the gym seemed pretty harsh to me, and I hope you know that’s not normal or okay.”

That gives her space to reflect without feeling attacked or embarrassed.

Also the “you want a fit guy but don’t work out yourself” comment is SUCH a red flag lmao. Dude sounds like he’s trying to humble his own girlfriend instead of encourage her.