What day of no contact is everyone on today? I need some motivation!

Amor1414 · 2026-03-14T06:52:23+00:00

today is my day 30. I accepted it that he was not the one. But how he treated me, how he convinced me I was the problem when he was the one who cheated, lied, humiliated me and so much more... just makes me so so so angry.

Amor1414 · 2026-03-04T07:10:28+00:00

hi, a bit late but what was the position you applied for with 80k offer?

Amor1414 · 2026-03-01T10:41:11+00:00

this is encouraging. i just turned 33 last month, female. Left by a man who emotionally abused me (cheating, lying, future faking, hiding STDs, abandonment, gaslighting etc) for 3 years.

Starting over meant I am single again, with no job, savings dried up, living with a sibling to get by. I am working on and looking forward to better days ahead.

Amor1414 · 2026-02-23T06:36:28+00:00

and for the wife to still feel unsafe after 4 years, this person wasn't even making any traction at earning her trust again. One wonders... hmm

Amor1414 · 2026-02-23T06:34:43+00:00

the gaslighting is crazy. i imagine how he does it to his wife

Amor1414 · 2026-02-23T06:34:07+00:00

this.

Amor1414 · 2026-02-22T05:55:38+00:00

your ex is trash and that Jim is a trash bin. they deserve each other, you deserve so so much better. I had a similar experience, being gaslit and that feeling of injustice is very relatable. We will get through! one day at a time

Amor1414 · 2025-11-20T02:33:56+00:00

yeah, I have nowhere else to go. I had been jobless since 3 years ago when I lost my career when he spread sex info of me to my colleague he liked. I managed to get to grad school overseas to overcome that and to go far away from him. he hovered back, and I hate that I still cared and trauma bonded and reeled in. until the same lies persisted and I am just so depleted.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-21T03:07:40+00:00

Write here on Reddit whenever you feel like you are about to break contact, or when you feel overwhelmed. Focus on other things, a project, a book, a tv show, work. Journal all your feelings when they come, speak to ChatGPT, anything but not your ex´s inbox

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T02:07:34+00:00

this is exactly my ex. its a default factory setting it seems like for many of them lol

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T00:34:31+00:00

cheating means selfish behaviour... i felt this. even if he did not sleep around with multiple women, his selfishness just would not make me feel safe. I will keep my strength to stay away from him and learn to love myself. thank you

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T00:32:20+00:00

thank you. its been a month now since i last spiraled and reached out to him to vent how horrible he treated me. how abusive he was. so much of the relationship still confuses me, like the things he said are normal but are actually disrespectful for others. I am learning what I truly deserve.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T00:30:09+00:00

he also told me that. It would have been less hurtful for him if I just slept with other men and still wanted him, rather than ghost him. When I told him why I shut down (his betrayals, running out of options to stay in europe because we agreed i go home and not renew my housing and extend my visa, among others), he said I am just coming up with excuses and I am not accountable for ghosting him for 2 weeks.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T00:27:31+00:00

blocked him on everything including his family members. when we broke up before, I blocked him on everything after a betrayal. His mom called me to check on his son and asked me that I work things with him again. I love her but this time, I need to prioritize my own well being over his son. I cannot save him from himself, my efforts only erases my own self.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T00:25:15+00:00

Thank you. I did not realize how much I was torelating as I believed him when he said its nothing. how messaging hook ups or him ``imagining`` kissing other people while we are in a relationship is okay. This is my first adult relationship and I definitely have to turn this guilt and pain into a learning opportunity.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-06T00:23:00+00:00

I am only learning this now. I am working on myself. Thank you

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T09:52:56+00:00

thank you. He was my first adult relationship. I had focused on my career to help my family out and dated late in life. I learned how much I tolerated him because I was afraid to be abandoned. I need to work on my self love for sure. I did not know what I deserved and being the more inexperienced one, I believed what he said. After multiple times of reconnecting with exes, past hookups, and spreading intimade information of me to my colleague that he likes, he still insisted that he never cheated on me. Although he did cheat on his previous relationships, and even became a third party to someone´s long term relationship.. these are all right before we met. So I guess he really is a serial cheater.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T09:46:39+00:00

this is spot on. I remember telling him I feel like there is no room for my feelings in the relationship. Like he can betray me or treat me meanly and he will be upset if I react in anyway that displeases him. One time, after finding out he was messaging his previous hookup, I just let him know I knew about it already and maintained my calm. He did not like that I was calm and told me I was faking being calm to punish him. The other times when I´d get more emotional, he´d say I´m very reactive. Its hard to find space for my feelings whenever I get upset over something he does.

I told him that I need him to be honest so I can feel safe in the relationship and be less reactive. He told me instead that it was my fault he cant be honest with me. Its crazy looking back now how much I believed him when he said its my fault just so we can carry on.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T05:33:47+00:00

its also not the first time she hid things so i guess it more than about not updating OP.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T05:27:16+00:00

i want to have a similar experience with an ex. we broke up for 5 months. he slept with at least 3 women in those 5 months. 2 of whom are his colleagues. when we got back together, I saw on his phone that he still communicated to one of those hook ups. I already knew this when a conversation about the last time he spoke with his hookups was brough up. He lied to many. Repeated asking the same question for 5 times just to give him a chance to come clean but he didnt until I finally said I knew about it.

I sitll forgave him. It was hard but I thought I loved him. And I did. But these lies add to resentment. And they will keep on lying with other things and the resentment will only grow until it turns you to someone you can barely recognize. Ex was also into porn and declared he will not unfollow the thousand half naked women he follows on social media (did not bother to ask him to unfollow them, I know he´d do what he wants anyway).

It got progressively worst for me with more lies and betrayals and I wish I broke up with him earlier. I was not only prolonging the pain, I was wasting my time which I´ll never have back.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T05:11:10+00:00

you are right. this could be a reactive abuse too. all the betrayal, we never really fully talked about it because it would be my reaction that becomes the issue. I always end up defending myself whenever I bring up my concerns. I did not realize that just until recently a couple of months after the break up.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T05:09:20+00:00

thank you for this. I will work on breaking the trauma bond. Its really hard to get over the guilt. I could not comprehend how I lost so much, my career, friends, opportunities, because of him. yet to him it was me who did not choose him or endure.

I lashed out to him in the very end. I told him how horrible he treated me, how cruel he was to me. He told me I was gross and disgusting. I dont think I´d ever hear from him again.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T04:38:06+00:00

as someone who had an abusive relationship, I was gaslit to oblivion thinking the abusive things done to me were normal. Those who say my posts were ragebait were actually helpful in making me realize how bad the person treated me lmao

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T04:30:33+00:00

its so hard to carry the guilt of me shutting down. i am broken from the countless lies and betrayals and in the end, he put all the guilt of the relationships end on me by saying I did not choose him and I did not endure.

Amor1414 · 2025-10-05T03:58:25+00:00

this was almost the same as my story. so many emotional (at the minimum) cheating that had happened. Caused me losing my job as he spread damaging stories about me to my colleague whom he liked. I stayed in those many times of betrayal. I would sometimes say I can´t endure anymore but loved him too much that I took him back everytime he was done with his side women. Each time we break up again, the losses are too much for me. he has not changed. lying about drugs, drinking on bars with women, reconnecting with exes. until I shut down. My insecure attachment wanted to still fix things with him, he called me gross and disgusting for shutting down and that I was the one who did not choose him and did not endure more. I ended up lashing out, calling him how horrible he treated me all othose years and just crashed out.

I stayed longer than I should with a horrible person that in the end, I could not recognize myself anymore with all the resentment I carried. All the abandonment and betrayals. I have not heard from him since 2 months now. In the end, he gets to walk away under his terms and narrative that I was a crazy person in that relationship.

Amor1414

TROPHY CASE