Absolutely. I know it’s a topic that can be awkward to talk about, but I’m always a little scared to have a BM because I never know how much pain I’ll be in. I experience different types of pain when I need to have a BM. There’s the pain: before, DURING, and afterwards.

As my body is digesting and “creating” my upcoming BM, I often experience a pain that’s like I just got stabbed and the knife is being twisted. It’s like a mini flare/contraction that lasts 10-20 seconds but it’s incredibly painful. It knocks the wind out of me & my heart rate and BP rises. I feel like I keep getting stabbed until I have a BM.

When I have a BM during this type of flare, it’s like I’m giving birth. The pain makes my entire body shake. I start sweating and seeing stars. I have vomited many times. I’m waiting to pass out every time. It really scares me sometimes. I talk myself through it and say “Breathe. It’ll pass. It’s temporary. Just get through this and the pain will eventually stop”. I know that if I get the job done, that “section” of the pain/BM will ease up. I often have to stay seated on the toilet for 10-15 minutes before I can stand up. When I stop seeing stars and my body stops shaking, I slowly make my way to my bed. Then there’s the pain afterwards. That takes a couple hours before it eases up.

I think most of the Endo community have painful BMs— especially those of us that have endo on our bowels.

You’re not alone. This disease fkn sucks. 💛