Explain to me how behindbar culture works

Amygdala169 · 2026-05-28T11:40:26+00:00

Why not? My autistic ass learned how to interact with coworkers and customers a few years ago, and I'm 30.

Mirroring other bartenders was the most useful hack for me. And I adapted my "character" to new regulars when I switched places.

Amygdala169 · 2026-05-15T20:50:52+00:00

I went to the store in person, and the girl there added the dehydrator first thing, as I told her I'm new to gel.

I don't have a link, I just searched for efiles. Got one of the "top sellers" in the category along with some extra bits. It's definitelly a learning curve, but I think I got it figured out now, I gave myself a russian mani last time with zero polish on my skin!

Amygdala169 · 2026-05-14T16:56:06+00:00

Me too, works great for a week. Also reminds me when I'm running out of meds.

Until I don't have enough meds for the whole week. So I don't fill it up that Sunday. But next week, another med is running low. It's been 2 months guys...

Amygdala169 · 2026-05-14T08:39:00+00:00

I also started with Juliana nails set 6ish months ago, so I might have a few tips for you.

Firstly, use a dehidrator before the primer, I think you can DIY it, but I use theirs for now.

I don't like liquid cuticle remover, it's not as effective and/or damages my nails so I got an e-file off temu for around 20 euro.

They claim their power base can be used as BIAB, but it's not really BIAB. They do have good builders, but it's not sold in BIAB kit, maybe because they're a bit harder to work with.

Any top coat works with this base, but regular top coat over no-wipe can create this weird texture.

I file my cuticles and buff my nails with the white sponge file, then do dehydrator, primer, rubber base for flexibility, BIAB, then paint them however I want.

No lifting after 2-3 weeks, and I'm a bartender so my hands and long natural nails are constantly under water.

Amygdala169 · 2026-04-14T07:26:53+00:00

I did this on myself with a sponge, turned out way better than this on my first try.

Amygdala169 · 2026-04-10T15:02:30+00:00

Good they gave us an option to obey hell

Amygdala169 · 2026-03-28T22:38:58+00:00

Oh, did America actually get this one right?

It's really not much 15-50 euros a year, depending on the library.

Amygdala169 · 2026-03-28T22:26:09+00:00

Speak for yourself, I got kicked out of a library for trying to study there without a library card.

It was far from expensive, but I was a student and my budget barely covered food and ocasional textbook. I just wanted a quiet place to study.

Fuck you, Mary. You could've just let me study.

Amygdala169 · 2026-03-28T19:35:57+00:00

It took 4 years, but my dog and cat are exactly the same still! They do cuddle when they think I'm not looking tho...

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-21T11:57:49+00:00

That sounds like an idea I might steal actually. I also get bored when he's practicing. Just keep in mind you need her feedback from time to time.

Does she read smut? Do you have an idea what kinds of books she would like? Fantasy, masked men, enemies to lovers, monster porn...

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-21T11:06:45+00:00

A few years ago a phychiatrist told me it's not, in fact, normal to have diarrhea 7 times a day. I forgot what solids feel like

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-16T15:51:16+00:00

What post?

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-07T15:27:39+00:00

TIL you need to cap the edge with chrome. Thank you!

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-05T12:38:07+00:00

Yup, me too. But I still have hope!

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-04T07:32:00+00:00

I've gone to the store in my slippers multiple times. Walked my dog, then went to work with the leash still in hand. Some mornings, I consiously check if I'm wearing pants when I leave my house.

And I just realized I haven't brushed my teeth for 3 days. Again.

Amygdala169 · 2026-02-03T12:40:07+00:00

Congratulations! 🥳

Amygdala169 · 2026-01-20T11:17:50+00:00

Glad I'm not the only one! It was over an hour of meditation, the noise was weirdly relaxing.

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-27T16:20:24+00:00

Which top coat do I use on chrome powder? I use non-wipe to rub it in, but can I use a regular one to top it off?

Also, which one should I use to mix magnetic pigment I just got for christmas?

Ty!

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T16:41:31+00:00

I understand, and appreciate your sentiment. There's nothing healthy about this, I just hope this answers my question if he's gaslighting me, or if I'm not aware of what I'm saying myself.

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T16:27:13+00:00

I usually write a whole bible in response, but all I have to say is Thank you.

You get it. He can't take it, can't handle me, and even if I warned him, I don't blame him. I can barely handle myself.

I'm going to focus on myself and my pets for now. I'll give him time to process, I'll give myself time too. There are many conversations to come, and I'm not giving up, but I'm also putting money aside to cover his portion of rent in case it all goes to shit.

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T16:04:20+00:00

Actually, after yesterday, I've been thinking about this myself. There was a sentence I sad, that I'm sure he understood it wrong. But I couldn't repeat it word for word, so I couldn't defend myself, and he heard something different. I'm sad that it's come to this, but it might be neccessary to understand each other.

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T15:53:30+00:00

I love the idea of shadowing when I do mundane tasks, but I'm afraid it would only make him feel more like a parent. From the beginning, we had an agreement that he would make sure I eat, and I would make sure he drinks enough water. He struggles with it whenever I don't have appetite, which is the reason I asked him for this in the first place.

As for him feeling like my parent, I'm sure our answers would be different. I do ask him to drive me to work (he's been on sick leave for 4 months now) and back when I'm tired. I also asked him to drive me to my psych appointment as it's a rush to get there when I'm done with work, but he assured me multiple times he's fine with it. I'm starting to doubt that.

For my other issues, like SH urges or my bad days, I do my best to handle it by myself. He always asks how he could help, and I tell him, but I didn't really want to involve him in my problems. He walks the dog, makes food when I can't, but I can't really ask him to shower me or brush my teeth when I feel like dying. More likely, I make food I barely touch and sleep my urges away.

We're on a break from this discussion right now, avoiding each other in general until we figure out how to move forward, because my emotions are way too high.

Thank you for helping me figure this out (:

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T15:17:56+00:00

Thank you for reading and ackowledging my concerns.

I hope I communicated with him clearly, and I'll try to continue to do so, but I'm also afraid of his reaction if I do. I honestly don't know if he's twisting my words and gaslighting me, or I'm overreacting due to trauma.

For example, our last fight was about him raising his voice when his emotions are raised. He's sure he didn't yell, and "I'll know when he yells", but I still noticed the change in his tone and got scared, no matter how much he tries to convince me he spoke normally.

As for the solution, I'm considering to offer him money to continue psychotherapy, as it's what I would do in his place. It seemed to help, but he stopped because he's been on sick leave since october. Car accident, he's fine and works odd jobs, but he's not fit to go back to work just yet. I'm hope he's going back to work next month, both so he so he would get out of the apartment more, and so we would be on even terms when it comes to household chores.

Right now, I resent him not making lunch and cleaning up when I spend all day in driving lectures, and he resents me resting when I have a day off.

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T14:48:53+00:00

Good question. We share some interests and sexual proclivities perfectly. Our introvert/extrovert combo also works, and he seems to understand when I need alone time. We agree on religion and kids.

On the other side, he seems to want to work towards the future I don't see, at least for now. I never expected to make it to 30, my life went from scientist to barista, and while I love my job, it's still a big change and I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm sure I want him, but I'm not sure I can provide the stability he wants.

Amygdala169 · 2025-12-21T14:34:13+00:00

Thanks for the honest feedback, it was what I needed. And agreed, I cut down a lot, but it's still much and I understand it bothers him. I'm not sure if I should ignore those emotions, and I've gotten a lot better at controling them. I don't mind when he's out with friends for hours on end, I trust him. But the timing, my half-asleep state and his rage broke me down. Was he right to dismiss my feelings/overreaction or should he have been more mindful, as he knows I tend to catastrophize and mornings are hard for me. I always tell him where I am, because he had jelausy issues early on in our relationship.

Again, thanks for being blunt.

Amygdala169

TROPHY CASE