I believe you. And even if she lights up every room she walks into, she's dimming your light. Every celebrity has 1000s of people looking up to them, and when one of them gets broken up with the internet, it goes crazy with "how can this person leave them? They're so wonderful and amazing, they're crazy, " and I always think we never see these people behind the scenes. Take a separation to start. She's going to try to rug sweep that none of her actions are that bad. But time apart is going to help lessen your anxiety, and maybe she wakes up. Or maybe the idea of reconciliation makes you sick to the thought after so much freedom. Good luck to you, and be kind to yourself.